The rest is almost written...

So Alli and I watched The Hills premiere at the same time last night, and I have to say, I was horrified/depressed/amused/bored. They did an awesome job of not showing Heidi 10.0's face until she got home (while she was packing they only showed the back of her head or her hair falling forward) and when she got home they made a point of showing old family photos. I have my differences with that girl but now that I've seen what she's become, it just makes me sad to remember--she used to be cute and fun and vapid in an endearing kind of way. And now she's just sad and plastic. And when we finally saw her face even though I've seen it I will wanted to throw up in my mouth. And her poor mother's reaction was just heartbreaking. I mean what happened to her? Did fame screw her up? Money? Spencer? The need for more attention? Augh. It was so awkward.

Oh and Kristen is so on drugs, and Lo finally made the credits. Go team!

An open letter to...Jesse James

Dear Jesse James,

Hey, you do realize that you're like dunzo now, right? Yeah? OK, just checking.

Peace out forever!
alison.

Oh, Courtney.

I think back to the days when I hearted Courtney Love and now she's just such a mess. Not even a hott mess, just a regular one. Now apparently she went on Howard Stern's show claiming that she used to have sex with Gavin Rossdale while he's been with Gwen and that Gwen knew about it. Now, I'm not sure who to Really? Really? here: Courtney for running her mouth and making up sh**, OR god forbid it were true Gavin for being the biggest d-bag in the world (next to Jesse James, of course) cause who would cheat on Gwen Stefani? ESPECIALLY with Courtney Love, of all people. So instead I'm just going to issue my new favorite saying: Good luck with that.

I still miss Lauren.

So I didn't watch the last season of The Hills, and it was subsequently canceled, thus believing I have made my point I decided that I can safely go ahead and watch the last season. Or attempt to watch it, anyway. I mean the previews where Heidi's poor mother has to deal with her frozen-faced daughter who has basketballs for breasts make it look too good to pass up. So to prep, I watched the last episode of the season 5. Let me catch you up on what apparently happened this season:

First of all I saw Lo once and Stephanie not at all. I did get to see Stacey the Bartender who sadly did not use my fav catchphrase of hers, "Good Luck With That." I did get to see her act like she and Kristen go waaaay back which I'm going to go ahead and highly doubt. I also got to see Audrina's hat make a cameo and watch her have yet another "Really this time I'm done with you" conversation with Justin, in which she informs him he's going to grow to be a lonely old man. This, shockingly, gets Justin to think. In the beginning of the episode he attempts to solidify his relationship with Kristin, who brutally rebuffys him then tells Stacey she just can't commit and maybe it's because she fears getting divorced just like her parents. Babycrier, you don't see me going around saying I fear commitment cause I might die like my mom eventually! Sheesh. Get a better excuse then your parents, sisterfriend. If we all didn't commit cause we were afraid of divorce, I'd have way more options on the market to not commit to, moving on.

So then we got to "Taylor's Engagement Party." Who the F is Taylor? Sleazy T, my friends, the original Edward Norton look-a-like! Only now he apparently is engaged so we have to call him by his real name. At the party Jayde of course pressures Brody to move in with her (it would appear over the course of the season they broke up and got back together). The next time we see Brody he informs Frankie and Slea---I mean Taylor that he is now dunzo again with Jayde. Frankie and T then proceed to try and remember the order of girlfriends before Jayde ("It was Cora then Jayde." "No, it was Olivia then Cora then Jayde." "No, wait there was..." You get the idea). Brody's response? To reveal he may still have feelings for Kristen...

...who ends the show by going back on what she previously said to Justin who comes back to make a bid for her love again. And she falls for it! She falls for his assurance that it will work this time because she has His Word. Please! We all know how far the word of Justin Bobby goes!

Oh and then Spencer says that Heidi kidnapped his sperm then by the end of the episode decides he's cool with having babies. So basically the episode started with everything one way then ended with it another. So we're all caught up! Let the end begin!

WTF

Was this a dare or are we trying to appear "cool" at Coachella?

WTF?

I think I'm gonna start doing "WTF" posts with pictures that I cannot describe with mere words. Consider my last post on Heidi WTF numero uno!

This hurts my heart a little...