Best. TV. Insult. Ever.

Dina on Danielle on The Real Housewives of New Jersey: 

"The girl is freakin' obsessed with me- I swear, I don't know if she wants to be me or skin me and wear me like last year's Versace." 

Oh Bravo.  You own 78% of my soul.  

These are the REAL housewives

Though few of them are wives and pretty much none of them are housewives, these are the real deal people.  

I have been watching and loving Bravo's Real Housewives of specific location since the start of RHO Orange County. I was a little skeptical when they started RHO New York City but somehow it is even better than Orange County.  I gotta admit I didn't love RHO Atlanta (I still enjoyed it though) and now they are starting RHO New Jersey, which I think I am going to feel about the same as Atlanta.  I am pretty sure the vast majority of women on the NJ show are actively in the mob.  

Anywho- I am catching up on the DVR and having the best night in trying to catch up with 6 hours of RHO NYC.  These ladies are AMAZING.  I like them the best because they love you or hate you on a minute by minute basis and let you know.  By you I of course don't mean YOU, buy you get it.  There are 6 women followed on the show- one is a snarky celeb chef I love, a super-Jew NYC lady and her gay husband, a bug-eyed lady who likes to talk about how unclassy some people are, a Countess who is now in the process of a divorce but has made it clear she will keep her title, a very odd woman who will only go shopping with her husband there to sit on a couch and pick out her clothes, and this new bitch.  Really.  She happens to be the ex-wife and baby mama of Gilles Bensimon who I remember as a photographer from many an episode of Tyra Banks Teaches 11 skinny girls and 1 "plus size"girl how to smile with their eyes.  His ex, Kelly, is a serious bitch and I am not enjoying her presence on this otherwise remarkable show.  

I clearly have nothing to say about the show except that I love it and am having the best night watching it for hours.  I can't wait to have my gay husband redecorate my upper east side condo for the 7th time, bank rolled by my actual husband, while I chill in the Hamptons for the summer.  That's going to be pretty sweet.  

Favorite thing of my day

SIL Reco #17

My sister-in-law and I always end up talking about TV.  She is/was/is a big Gilmore Girls fan and likes other good shows.  She recently borrowed my complete series of My So-Called Life (yeah- that's right- all 19 episodes) and re-watched em.  So when she suggests shows to me I usually check em out.  

She loaned me the first season of Samantha Who?  and I am on episode three and likin it. It seemed a little hokey at first- girl loses her memory and has to figure out who she was- but Christina Applegate is wonderful. I love her.  I will call her Chrissy Ap. Sookie (how does one spell that?) is in it and kind of Sookie-like but a little crazier. And heavier I think. NOT that that matters.  It's funny, Chrissy Ap is cute, Sookie is Sookie and Jean Smart got a job!

you should check it out if you have a hole in your schedule on whatever night it is that this show is on.  I'm gonna get my DVR on the case. 

BFF Forever

Paris Hilton is a good actress, y'all.

I avoided watching her show until about 9:15 tonight where I caught the last 3/4s of the finale. I was chopping pineapple and, well, you see where this is going.

So after my pineapple was cut and my lunch was packed, I was invested. It was a totally hard decision for Paris since this person is genuinely going to be her BFF- and the last F stands for FOREVER so she better make a good decision. Her two options were crazy girl who was stalkerishly obsessed with her and a very PG lookin Kat Von D who stalker said was just there to be a rock star. Seriously she didn't REALLY want to be friends with Paris she was just there for herself and her gains and she doesn't love Paris, truly love her, like crazy stalker does. Crazy stalker really thinks she has a real connection with Paris, from the first time they met at Le Deux. She could just tell from across the club there was something between them. Cuz based on the amount of "I love yous" flying around, I think Paris proposes at the end.

Everytime crazy stalker addresses the camera she sobs. After watching her for 45 minutes i am terrified. Plus she is from Alaska- I think we all remember what happens when we pick a chick from alaska to come along.

In the end the other one wins and took the rose, or whatever. CS sobbed about how boring life will be without paris and that paris will ALWAYS be her best friend. right. paris is definitely going to call you next time she goes to old navy.

But the REAL bestie is in like flynn (flin?) for the next three weeks until paris starts filming My New BFF: Micronesia.

Alison- she could totally be our BFF too- she is on our same shower schedule!

TTYN

Text-o-rama

I didn't think that another cell phone commercial could ever replace Lauren and Brody's ATT spot as my favorite cell phone commercial (L.B.H., I didn't think I'd ever have favorite cell phone commercials) but leave it to The Prince of Darkness to one-up The Hills:

We all scream for screaming

Sometimes, when you're utlra lazy, even to the point where the remote is literally right next to you but eh, you can't really be bothered to pick it up and channel surf, you end up watching things you hadn't planned on watching. Example: how I am started watching Scream Queens on Vh1. Normally I would not condone this, mainly because the winner gets a role on Saw 6 which I definitely do not condone (as much as I did not condone Saw 2, Saw 3, Saw 4, and even--wait for it--Saw 5). But anyway the first segment of the show had a challenge where all the contestants took turns popping out of a pool of fake blood (hello, Descent!) and giving a stirring speech to...something. The air, I guess. Some speech about vengence. Anyway of course they go to the contestants talking about it. One of them said something about, "Who do I hate the most? Oh yeah, myself!" so apparently she was drawing inspiration on taking revenge against...herself. Um, OK. There's Drama Queen and there's Baby Crier. Just ask the next contestant who got all emo because she imagined she was addressing her father. Of course! Dude was in and out jail and that gave her the inspiration to deliever a speech with a shaky voice while wearing a bikini in a pool of corn syrup. Nice work, ladies. How do I get on this show? I want to deliever a powerhouse performance inspired by that pony I never got because I forgot to ask for it. Let's face it, me in a bikink is scream-worthy enough of an idea anyway. (See, I got some Baby Crier in me.)

It all started with the Big Bang

"I would like one in the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's light saber before it was digitally remastered" -Sheldon from 'The Big Bang Theory' when asked what color car he'd like-