She kissed a girl and this time, I LIKED IT!

Katy Perry. It seemed to me that she was trying a little too hard, you know? I never liked I Kissed a Girl because a) Jill Sobule already took that path and 2) it seemed to be provocative for the sole purpose of getting radio play.

But then, she had a couple of ticks in "pro" column- I) Engaged to Russell Brand- she can't be all bad and b) her cat's name is Kitty Purry.

We are at a hung jury here, folks. Or, rather, we were. I was working out this morning and ellipticalling to the 6:00am MTV video countdown (3. Empire State of Mind (Jay and Alicia Keys), 2. Tik Tok (Ke$ha) and 1. Hard (Rhianna)). MTV does their commercials at off points so they kept it rocking from Rhianna right in to... Katy Perry Unplugged. Here is where her team won- exhibit a- those awesome things in her hair and more importantly, exhibit e- she redid I Kissed a Girl and, shockingly, I liked it! I hope my former self don't mind it.

Touche Vma's

Ah, VMA's, I've spent one night every year for at least 12 years with you. It hasn't always been smooth sailing (Remember Vegas? Yea I wish I didn't either.) Tonight, I had planned on sending you the Dear John letter that every award show dreads. I sadly feel too old (why is 26 too old for Mtv?) to partake in your silliness, BUT then you pulled me back in with an MJ tribute. (A dastardly plan you minx!) I caved and turned it on. The tribute was great:

Janet Jackson - MTV Shows

So I left the awards on in the background while I made dinner and read my beauty blogs promising myself that I would turn it once I was done BUT then Gaga came out and she was just undeniable:

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Then this happened:

MTV Shows

So now I was hooked. I thought to myself, "Oh, I'll just wait 'til B is done performing":

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

Then I went and got my laundry with every intention of watching Lost after folding and I walked in on Pink doing crazy acrobats. Singing upside down deserves an award in itself. Stinkin Mtv hasn't posted the video yet (but of course they've taken down the youtube ones already so I'll post it on a later date).


Fuck! Fine I'll watch the whole show ya jerk, but don't think that one lousy Hova performance satiated my need for some Hip Hop. Seriously, besides Kanye, there was only a whisper of it. I did like Russell Brand, but he was quite edited and non existent toward the end, but that was to be expected after last year's Jonas debacle. Next year I'll give you another chance but let's try for something a little less Twilight and various genres of Pop (not that I loathe either)and a little more variety (and Justin). But, in all seriousness, thanks for not totally making me hate myself for watching. It was a decent night.

Just for good measure I thought I'd add my best dressed:

Juno did it better.

So for lack of anything better being on, I decide to check out MTV's 16 and Pregnant and frankly, it is depressing as all hell. Farrah is a cheerleader. I missed the beginning but figure out that she's not with the father anymore. And her ties with the old cheerleading squad quickly go downhill when they won't stop talking about her. Wha? Your popular high school cheerleading friends are talking about you? My goodness! Luckily Tyler the male gay cheerleader is in her corner. She goes with him on his tanning appointment to complain about how these girls are supposed to be leaders. You would know! ("Cheer followers," Tyler cheekily says, the first person in history to be sooo cleva.)

Then she takes her mom to Perkins (I missed where it takes place but it's feeling a little mid-westerny) to let her know "We're keeping the baby." We, of course, meaning Mom gets to help. You can tell Mom wishes there was some parental act that could order Farrah to drop the baby off at the corner orphanage. And that she's so pleased to have conversations like when will we schedule your senior pictures? and Farrah informs her she doesn't plan on having a puffy face after birth. Good plan! Why don't more pregnant women take that frame of mind? Then going to high school gets too stressful so they decide she better drop out of that and take classes at the local community college. On-line, preferably, so she doesn't have to see people. Awesome.

MTV itself makes the program of course fun to look at by adding illustartions drawn on lined paper, like one of Farrah running away from the cheerleading squad. At least they aren't imposing emo pop punk on me as it goes along...oh wait.

At the baby shower she voices over how everyone is starting to get really excited about it (whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetie), and it reminds her how in a short time she's going to be a mom...then the next scene is her waking up and yelling "Mom! I think my water just broke!" Turns out dad's out of town and her big sis is sick so it's just Farrah and Mom having the baby. You can tell Mom is real thrilled. Especially when she starts crying after speaking to her husband, much to the annoyance of Farrah, who I actually kind of want to slap. Oh, MTV. Am I finally starting to outgrow you? Did she just apologize to everyone for having to look at her crotch during labor? Did she just say she's never held a baby before?

In the second half, of course, we see how she never gets to leave the house and her mom won't help her. Then in a bizarre turn of events Farrah decides she needs a car because she feels trapped in her own house, but her mom isn't really down. Eventually they go car shopping which somehow results in them fighting, during which her mother informs her that she's "Tired of her anti-Christ attitude." I'm not actually sure what the means but it ends in Farrah getting out of the car and calling her grandparents who take her car shopping instead.

It ends with Farrah talking about what she's learned, showing baby pics, yadda yadda yadda, then saying "Peace out." And me sort of feeling like I need a stiff drink. And maybe I need to stop saying Peace out as well.

Jimmy!

So out of nowhere I got one of my patented knock-me-on-my-ass colds and was subsequently delighted to find...yet another marathon of Bam's Unholy Union on MTV2! It's like Showgirls on cable, I find it's on and I can't tear myself away. Anyway in the midst of this MTV2 showed a commercial for this thing they're starting, MTV2 Legit, in which they show the best of the 90's, including but not limited to Ren and Stimpy (which I find enjoyable but a bit gross), The State (ah! ah! ah!) and the old promos featuring...Jimmy the Cab Guy! Does anyone else remember Jimmy the Cab Guy?! Donal Logue back in the day? I used to heart Jimmy the Caby Guy! Honestly MTV had some pretty fun-nay stuff during the 90's so this could be good. And a fabulous pre-cursor to the complete State being released on DVD in July, something that makes That Girl and I hyperventilate. They even said they'd play some 90's music videos. Music videos, I member those!

OK, back to dramatic sniffling and Bam.

But why? WHY are you damaged?

OK, I missed the live finale of this season for Making the Band and read about what happened on-line. I was looking for a re-run on MTV but instead found The Rise and Fall of Danity Kane. A ha! Finally, our chance to find out what REALLY happened!

So, yeah, they start from the beginning, forming the band, LoriAnn boom-cat, boom-boom catting all over the place (I still recall an episode when she told the girls to "boom cat for your life!"), Aundrea and Aubrey used to be BFF's. Then after the first record it was all about Aubrey hangin' with D. Woods and Aundrea with Shannon and Dawn with Q from Day 26. The showed some unseen footage that was OK and talked about all the rumors that were always going around (like apparently there was once a rumor Aubrey was leaving the group to join the Pussycat Dolls, maybe because they're as skanky as she is I'm guessing). OK, yadda yadda, Diddy kicks Aubrey and D. Woods out, Shannon doesn't come back for the next season, Aundrea is then dismissed.

So THEN they show the parts of the live finale and D. Woods and Aubrey are all running their mouths, whatev. Then Sway asks if there's any hope for a reunion, and Aubrey says sure, eventually, Shannon seconds that, then D. Woods goes on for like a minute about absolutely nothing and Sway cuts in to say "So that's a no from D. Woods," then Diddy says they only way it would happen is with all the original members. Then the show voice over comes on and announces that means no reunion! Um...OK.

I know what you're thinking--hey, when are you going to tell us why they broke up? Well, people, I can't tell you because I don't know! They don't say! At one point they show Dawn talking to Q and saying everyone acts like they know why we broke up but they don't really know, but Q knows cause she told him once. Hey! Tell ME! Q, Dawn--SOMEBODY!

Let me tell you the show ends in a nutshell. The narrator bascially tells us what we know, which is that we don't know, and some say that it was Aubrey's fault...some say Aundrea's...some say D. Woods...still others, Dawn. But one things for sure--no one blames Shannon! Then it cuts to Diddy telling Shannon it was a pleasure to work with her, and she smiles and nods. And...that's it!
Thanks, MTV. Thanks once again for nothing.

I blame D. Woods. I never liked her.

...and then, there was one.

And her name was Dawn.

Sigh.

Well I'm pretty sure she has the best voice of them anyway, so...what can you do! Besides stay tuned for the live finale. Diddy LOVES those...

No Diddy didn't!...and, that's the problem!

I sat through Making the Band 4 today, led to believe by shady previews that there would be answers given about the fate of DK. And were there? Ohhh nooo! I sat through those goofy Day 26 boys' drama only to be left with a DK cliffhanger. Well played, Diddy. Well played. Dude is devious. I mean I don't know him or anything but even I felt a chill when I heard about the text where he was coming for a band meeting. I have to say I did enjoy the jab at Aubrey when he asked the boys if they wanted to end up posing for Playgirl.

Now I have to wait for the frickin 2 part season finale.
Can I just get the Cliffnotes?

US Weekly should pay me- the Hills edition

I know I've said it before, but usmagazine.com is really the place for gossip loving girls on the go.  Not that I am ever so busy that I just don't have time to read the frequent updaters (I miss Perez) but I waste so much time as it is that I find it refreshing when I go to the site to discover I have already read everything that has been posted.  

They usually get me with their headlines, and today was no different.  The one that caught my attention was "Heidi Montag on Lauren's Hills Departure- 'We Don't Need Her.'"  I thought here we go again, stirring up the dramz before the new season starts on MONDAY.  I click on it and it is actually a very nice (considering) article on how Heidi knows Lauren has wanted to leave for a while and they'll miss her, she's closing a chapter and "I'm sure she'll have fun and success."  She even draws attention to her and Spencer's penchant for attention when saying "She's gotta leave the dramas to the pros! I love The Hills and I definitely don't want to go anywhere anytime soon.  That's my home and I'm so grateful to be on it, so we'll see."  Awww.  That makes me wonder (just for a quick second) if the whole falling out was made up and they have been friends all along. Not likely.  

So I was feeling all warm and fuzzy and hopeful that the new season will start with a heartfelt reunion, but then I was brought back to reality by comments Fleshbeard made on a radio program trashing Lady Gaga.  He said if Lady Gaga was the pop princess then Heidi must be the pop queen.  Really? I will leave  you with his comments on his moneymaker- when asked to name five artists that Heidi is more talented than, he says "Madonna, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Beyonce an Christina Aguilera... I wouldn't even compare them to Heidi's level."  I'm with you Spencer, neither would I.  

If you all are winners, I'm cool with loser status.

OK, I definitely appreciated The Eyeshadow's post on this last episode of The Real World, and I admit I teared up both when Obama won (I had almost forgotten about that twist!) and when Ryan got the call from his brother. But I can't sit idly by without mentioning the idiot twins, Scott and Chet. Scott isn't as bad, though his exasperated exclamation of "whether McCain wins or Obama wins, you still win cause you're an American!" was a little over my head. I know when Bush won I wasn't thinking, well, it's still cool, I still live here so we all win! The real dbag here, yet again, is Chet. Chet, babycrying over the election, saying how the Republicans didn't boo anyone! after they left the party early, when FYI they actually did boo during McCain's concession speech. But the icing on the dbag cake was clearly...

...the life size cut-out.
Yes, apparently Chet was able to live out his life-long dream of getting a life-size cut-out of himself, which he then proudly displayed high on the wall of their living quarters with a paper word bubble saying "Chet is so cool." In a prank-filled house, was anyone surprised when the elated democrat roommates came home post-victory and posted a picture of Obama's face over Chet's? Apparently Chet was! Chet was to the point that he cried art defamtion, since apparently, quote: "A life-size cut-out cardboard of myself is a piece of art." Firstly, ah, no. No, it is not. Secondly, as Ryan points out, were it actually to be considered a piece of art, cut to me gagging, YOU did exactly one thing for it which was put on your little purple scarf and pose. EVERYTHING ELSE was done by the cut-out people. Therefore, it would be THEIR art. And such a sentiment would probably have them gagging as well.

So, congratulations, Chet. Really, you've outdone yourself. I didn't think anyone could top wearing a baseball cap with their own name written on it in purple to match their purple scarf. But, no, you've one-upped even yourself this time. Or should I say, you in cardboard one-upped yourself?

Still gagging a little.

Oh, boys

"Hooray!" Mick, realizing I'm going to blog about him.

So, Mick and I are watching The Real World. As a general rule I don't like to watch these sorts of things with him (and had to make him leave the room during The Hills season finale when he kept saying "Spen-cer! Spen-cer!" in a lispy voice) as he makes snarky comments. Granted sometimes these bear validity but sometimes I just want to pinch him on the elbow like dude does to me when I am trying to go to sleep. Anywho this week's edition of the show features the douchey mcdouche bag boys purchasing a white rat to put in the beds of the girls. I don't really care for any of the boys (though oddly I don't mind Ryan, I think because he's the goofiest) so I of course find the whole thing ridiculous. Mick, however, seems to find it amusing. His solution? To have Catelynn go in as a spy: since she's "the tyranny" she can play both sides for the team. I love the boy but I'm not going to lie, my response to that was, "Hey, weren't you going to go to your dad's house?"

Get it together, mtv internet!

"You cannot walk around the house like that when there are guys in the house. Or girls. Or people." Sarah's take on bootyshorts.
"You could've gotten a bionic penius with that!" Ryan's take on the amount of money it takes to get gender reassignment surgery.

So once again MTV.com screws me when I go to watch The City and the cite informs me that the latest episode will be available February 17. So I check the date on my computer and my suspicions are confirmed: idiots. These people are idiots. So instead I watch The Real World. The plot this week revolved around Catelynn's transgenderism and the boys acting like idiots in general. It led us to ponder things like, what's more inappropriate: Catelynn using a support beam at a local bar as a pole for dancing, or Chet batting at JD's ear with a flag that has a name of a deceased person on it at an opening ceremony for an HIV/AIDS awarness bike ride? Bonus points to Chet for failing to see the inappropriateness of his actions, which he claimed were to "lighten the mood"...all while wearing a purple hoodie, black leggings, purple boots and that damn black and purple CHET baseball cap. So, yes, Chet, once again you win the d-bag of the week award. In fact I'm going to take a cue from Ryan--you, Chet, are a bionic penius. Hey, I can be immature/inappropriate too.

People I wish I knew

One of the only good things about being sick or whatever it is I am today is that MTV2 showed all of the episodes of Bam's Unholy Union. One of the reasons I want to be famous is so I can become BFFs with Missy Margera, who I have a total girl crush on. Although you don't see her anymore since that show (they're still married, I checked). Of course it made me think about my own wedding someday (long red plaid dress, in case you were curious, and I'm thinking opal ring). Right now I'm thinking elopement to Atlantic City. We'll just have to work it around Missy and Bam's schedule so they can be our witnesses.

Total Request Lost.

So, Ryan on the Real World Brooklyn is always pulling pranks and JD wanted to pay back the favor by spraying shaving cream in Ryan's room while he was sleeping. Ryan, however, did not appreciate this. His response? "I would love to duct tape his eyes, shut his mouth up with a sock, duct tape him to his own bed and put it somewhere outside." Devyn's response when discussing it with JD? "It's not like you shot his dog." Well-played, sir and madam. Well played.

And then we're back to our good friend Chet. Chet, whose dream was to host TRL. Chet, who took this chance of being in New York (on an MTV show, may I add) and going to Times Square--only to find out that TRL has been canceled. His response? "How am I supposed to host a show that's been canceled?!" My response? How am I supposed to take you seriously when you're wearing a baseball cap with your name on it? What does the tag inside say, if lost please return to me?

Suck it, MTV.com!

So I go to MTV on-line to watch The City like I normally do on Tuesday mornings and those jerks haven't posted the episode yet! What the hell! It's not that hard, MTV! At least I assume it's not that hard since you've done it every other time I want to watch it on Tuesday! I don't ask for much, MTV. First you screw up Danity Kane and now this. What's next? Actually don't answer that. I'm afraid to know...

And the home of the idiots.

Well, after finally watching the whole episode of this week's Real World and weighing my options, the results are finally in for...D-Bag Of The Week!

Firstly, the runner-up is Chet. Let's talk about Chet for a moment, shall we? Like how in the opening credits montage which is mainly black and white with pops of color, we see Chet apparently scoring a girl's number...while wearing a pink scarf. Don't get Chet wrong, he loves the ladies. At a night out with his roommate's, he runs into Alex, a girl he pines for that he met since she's friend of roommate Scott (I really enjoyed how roommate Baya said it was fate they ran into each other again--yeah, seeing as how fate totally means when your roommate's friend shows up at the same public function). At this point he makes the brilliant statement, "She's a model, and I really appreciate that." Really, Chet? I bet you're the only one! I mean, traditionally when dudes meet models they could care less! But not you, Mr. Pink Scarf! He also uses creepy phrases like "get the chance to know her intimately." Even though, at the end, as roommate Ryan points out, since she's not a mormon and he's a virgin no one's gettin' anywhere. I'm not even going to touch the part where he tries to explain to Sarah, a victim of sexual abuse, the importance of forgiving and moving on.

Now, who could top all that? Why, the winner of the week: Devyn! Oh, Devyn. Where to start with you? Devyn won two pagents so of course she wants to break into TV and film, so she'll probably move to L.A. eventually since in New York you get "suckered into Broadway." What a splendid way to put it! How many Broadways stars have cursed the day they were tricked into their roles! Of course that doesn't stop her from getting a casting agent's info from her cousin (who apparently was suckered into being in the stage version of The Color Purple). And what does she sing at this audition that she is 45 minutes late for since she accidentally went to New Jersey first? The National Anthem! Who sings the National Anthem for a casting agent? Apparently the same person who freaks out when a transgender person invites her on stage to sing with her and she then completely freaks out because she hasn't had a chance to warm up. Girl, please! I've met theater people and they don't even wait for the invitation to perform to finish coming out of your mouth before they've whipped out their tap shoes and the words to "Give my regards to Broadway."

But don't cry for Devyn, cause she's not just some girl off the street, oh no! She is going to make it! Because she went to college! She has a resume! Heads up, Dev. Take a long look at me, sweetie. Then go run this plate to table 75.

Mick- get the smelling salts!! or All two of my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah!

Umm, Alison? I don't know how to tell you this, but.....

OK. So, you know how Diddy crazy? I guess when you fire like, half of a band, it is pretty tough for the other half to continue on. Especially when one of that half leaves too. So, I am really sorry to have to tell you this way.

Poster boys for virginity!

This is Chet from Real World Brooklyn. This is Matt from Real World New Orleans. Both are religious boys prone to acting like self-righteous d-bags and assuring us all that no, they're not gay despite the fact that their appearances would suggest otherwise. This has been a public service announcement for those who have been separated at birth: There may be hope for you. Just please, get it off of my television. Thank you.

Stop the presses!

"Hmmm, let me see. Now that I've been kicked out of my group that Diddy formed on a reality show, what should my next move be? A ha! I've got it! "

Now, how WILL she top this?

While I love thai food...

I just watched The Real World Brooklyn premiere, and the one thing I took away from it was this: Katelynn got her gender reassignment surgery done in...Thailand.

Hopefully this season doesn't include her untimely medical demise, cause that just sounds like not the safest way to go about things. It was probably quicker then getting it done here. I imagine that's why she did it. It's just...foreign country gender reassignment surgery? That just sounds like a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.

Oh, and Ryan and Chet are sketch.
That's about it.

One final procrastination post before I clean:

Show of hands: Who's going to watch Real World Brooklyn? It looks like MTV might have finally pulled its head out of its ass and remembered the show is best when not about hooking up and partying 24/7 while stopping to f up a preassigned group job every once in awhile.