Saturday, January 31, 2009

The answer, B, is because he's Justin

Happy Justin Timberlake's Birthday! I'm celebrating by wearing my JT tshirt. You can celebrate by checking out this cute little blurb from Mtv news. (Read 'til the end, it's funny)

My name is Aubrey, and I'm so cold

If you know me, you know that I love a good bad movie. I was obsessed with Disturbing Behavior for awhile ("Self-mutilate THIS, fluid boy!") and I contend that a DVD of the cable TV version of Showgirls should be released so I can enjoy the fabulous acting and storyline without all that pesky nudity and sex (and come on, drawn-on cartoon bras? sign me up!). My latest fav was the awesome One Missed Call which hooks you in with its very plot: you miss a call! It's not your ringtone! You have a voicemail! It's you, dying! then: You, die! Genius. And now it is joined by the movie I just witnessed: I Know Who Killed Me.

Oh my god! Where to start?! The convoluted plot that actually drew me in and had me trying to figure it out! (I was pretty sure I had it down; god bless Wikipedia's specific plot summaries that confirmed I was right.) The eventual use of the title as an actual line of dialouge! Lindsay Lohan's horrible exotic dancing! The fake hand that fits over the fake robotic hand that responds to your nerve impulses! The crowd at the football game taking a moment of silence for the young girl's mutilated and dead body that was found, followed by the announcer yelling they will win this won for her! The idiot boyfriend asking the FBI for condoms! Clearly I could go on all day. But I will instead leave you with these 3 quotes:
1. "People get cut." Lindsay as Dakota Moss.
2. "Is that all I am to you? A way to relax before the game?" Lindsay as Aubrey Flemming to her boyfriend after he feels up her leg during science lab.
3. "I used to have stigmata. Took robotussin, cleared it right up!" Mick as Mick.

And the home of the idiots.

Well, after finally watching the whole episode of this week's Real World and weighing my options, the results are finally in for...D-Bag Of The Week!

Firstly, the runner-up is Chet. Let's talk about Chet for a moment, shall we? Like how in the opening credits montage which is mainly black and white with pops of color, we see Chet apparently scoring a girl's number...while wearing a pink scarf. Don't get Chet wrong, he loves the ladies. At a night out with his roommate's, he runs into Alex, a girl he pines for that he met since she's friend of roommate Scott (I really enjoyed how roommate Baya said it was fate they ran into each other again--yeah, seeing as how fate totally means when your roommate's friend shows up at the same public function). At this point he makes the brilliant statement, "She's a model, and I really appreciate that." Really, Chet? I bet you're the only one! I mean, traditionally when dudes meet models they could care less! But not you, Mr. Pink Scarf! He also uses creepy phrases like "get the chance to know her intimately." Even though, at the end, as roommate Ryan points out, since she's not a mormon and he's a virgin no one's gettin' anywhere. I'm not even going to touch the part where he tries to explain to Sarah, a victim of sexual abuse, the importance of forgiving and moving on.

Now, who could top all that? Why, the winner of the week: Devyn! Oh, Devyn. Where to start with you? Devyn won two pagents so of course she wants to break into TV and film, so she'll probably move to L.A. eventually since in New York you get "suckered into Broadway." What a splendid way to put it! How many Broadways stars have cursed the day they were tricked into their roles! Of course that doesn't stop her from getting a casting agent's info from her cousin (who apparently was suckered into being in the stage version of The Color Purple). And what does she sing at this audition that she is 45 minutes late for since she accidentally went to New Jersey first? The National Anthem! Who sings the National Anthem for a casting agent? Apparently the same person who freaks out when a transgender person invites her on stage to sing with her and she then completely freaks out because she hasn't had a chance to warm up. Girl, please! I've met theater people and they don't even wait for the invitation to perform to finish coming out of your mouth before they've whipped out their tap shoes and the words to "Give my regards to Broadway."

But don't cry for Devyn, cause she's not just some girl off the street, oh no! She is going to make it! Because she went to college! She has a resume! Heads up, Dev. Take a long look at me, sweetie. Then go run this plate to table 75.

Mick- get the smelling salts!! or All two of my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah!

Umm, Alison? I don't know how to tell you this, but.....

OK. So, you know how Diddy crazy? I guess when you fire like, half of a band, it is pretty tough for the other half to continue on. Especially when one of that half leaves too. So, I am really sorry to have to tell you this way.

Friday, January 30, 2009

The vote is in!

All right. I have officially seen 3 of the 5 movies up for Best Pic now at the Oscars, and I believe I will be throwing endorsements in this order:
1. Slumdog.
2. Benjamin Button.
3. Batman.
4. The Reader.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Batman isn't up. Don't remind me.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Do North or South Side Tilly know about this?

Mick and I are finally the proud owners of the complete Gilmore series and just finished watching the last episode together. Which leads me to point out...East Side Tilly: the greatest character we never see!

If you have lots of time on your hands, like we do apparently, check out this unofficial site. It apparently puttered out before the last season but it has tons of quizzes (though apparently doesn't see fit to tell you, when wrong, what the correct answer is...) and some of the music featured (Trace, did you notice "Love Burns" in "One's Got Class and the other one Dyes"?). Sadly, no pics of East Side Tilly. Maybe she's best left to the imagination.

While driving to the grocery store (syrup, half and half, Triscuts and english muffins, now you're all caught up on our lives) Mick and I were discussing favorite Gilmore moments. Maybe compiling a top ten list is in our future. So far I came up with these:
1. The marathon Friday Night Fight montage.
2. Gil's rendition of "Hollaback Girl" complete with bogus bag line.
3. When Paris covers for Rory when Dean discovers she and Jess at the house.
4. Luke and Lore's first kiss, as interrupted by naked Kirk.
5. My pick for best Emily and Lorelai moment is in the last episode when Lorelai suggests continuing Friday night dinners--that one fleeting moment when you catch something closed to pleased/happy on Emily's face!...then her normal face kicks back in. Eh, what can you do. (When they get drunk and have a computer lesson and discuss canoes vs. kayaks comes in close 2nd.)
6. When Jess comes to visit Rory and Logan is a total d-bag and Jess tries to figure out what Rory's problem is. Is anything more swoonworthy then him yelling "Who knows you better then me?" (Well, actually he would probably come in after Lorelai in a knowing Rory contest, but let's not argue semantics, shall we not?)
7. Rory and Lorelai singing the theme to Pippi Longstocking during the double date.
8. When Rory comes back to the Inn after the long fight and Michel lets excitement to see her slip through his normally French demeanor.
9. When Rory, Lane, and Paris share a moment drinking Miss Patty's Founder's Day Punch.

10. Um...hmm. I do like it when Richard and Emily come to Rory's birthday party and Richard reads a Cosmopolitan on the front porch. But I also like when Michel and Sookie both have ennui. And Lane's wedding when they run from the house to the church...OK. Maybe it would be more of top 20 list. Let me know what I'm missing, please.

What does this mean for Diddy?

So, apparently MC Joaquin Phoenix may be messing with us! This rap career is revealing itself to be a possible elaborate hoax. A punking on us all, if you will. Why didn't I think of something like that?

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed if this is the case. I was sort of looking forward to the album dropping.

Dakota Fanning is pretty cool.

Is anybody else totally psyched for Coraline to come out?


Mick found a Top Model marathon of the latest season on Bravo!...and we came in on the middle.

Son of a bitch.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Queen of the Commentpost

Apparently I can't think of original posts, just responses to posts. But really- look at Alli's post from Sunday (1/25) and see how she made my week. I'll wait here......

.......wasn't that CRAZY??

Once, but no more.

Swoon-worthy film couple who became real-life couple, no more. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the beautious movie Once split up! Why do all the good ones split up? Rachel and Ryan! Alexis and Milo! Now this!


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

An open letter to...Sarah Palin.

Dear Sarah Palin,

Somewhere along the line, someone put it in your goofy moose-shootin' little head that it might be a good idea to try and run for president in 2012. Why don't you pretend they're a moose? Cause this is about as smart as Allie is for staying with Adam on The City. Which is to say, not at all. (I broke it down for ya as you seem to be a little on the slow side.)

Peace out,

Monday, January 26, 2009

Now, where did that Amy go?

Maybe I'm slow, but the first time I heard that Britney has a song on her new CD called "If You Seek Amy" I thought, that's odd. Then I have to say it fast. Repeatedly, if need be. Then I read that it's going to be her new single and of course everyone's up in arms about it. This girl is an evil genius. The lyrics themsleves are a bit ridiculous--mentioning Amy as if she's an actual person, and not just a reason to, well, spell something out. And I could do without the ha ha hee hee bit. But damnit if I haven't listened to the thing several times in a row now, it's got a great beat and it's catchy. Of course the radio version they released will be "If you see Amy" which in and of itself is even more ridiculous. I've always been of the mind that parents are too quick to blame everyone else but themselves for what their kids listen to, and if it bothers them so much maybe they screen what their kids are listening to. Seriously, when I was in high school I had to buy my own Hole CD's because my parents refused to support Courtney Love's drug habit--but that's one of the things I admire about my parents. They parented me! (Granted I did then hide my Marilyn Manson in my drawer.) So, this round goes to Britney. At least this will be more fun for me to repeat then "Womanizer."

Want to know more about this fun subject? Visit this Rolling Stone article then Youtube to hear the Jam fo yoself!

Deep thoughts on The City

1. As bitchy as Olivia was about it, I agree with her that she didn't need to know all the dramz surrounding our ridiculous cast members Adam and Allie. I also agree that really it does sound immature that Whitney has talked about it with almost everyone else in the cast.

2. Seriously. Allie break the fuck up with this dude. If you doubt him that strongly, it's probably for a reason. I am so over girls and guys putting up with jerks. There are way hotter and way nicer people out there. Why can't you trust this girl over Adam? I could almost see the 'cha-ching she bought it' in his eyes when she finally gives in and says I love you too.

3. Why, just because your boyfriends bestie has (clearly) cheated on his girl, would that mean you shouldn't trust your guy? That's just weird and as Olivia would say, "You're what, 23? You're not, like, in high school."

Love this show.

Gilmore Sighting

Jared Padalecki aka Dean is going to be in the new Friday the 13th. Now if only Jason Voorhees would've taken care of him in season one or two we could've had more scenes with Jess.

p.s. What up with the Gilmore men in horror movies?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

My soulmate

Rubbing Elbows- and more!

I am watching the SAG Awards red carpet and I am now going to judge people solely on their red carpet interview skills. Based on this, I love Hugh Laurie and I do NOT love Angelina. I didn't love her anyway but geez, she really had no time to talk about, well, anything as far as I could tell. I realize the red carpet interviews must get old with all the trite questions and gushing but note to Angelina: don't go onto someone's little interview platform thing if you are going to act like you are So above the people around you and the questions asked of you.  I really hope the world gets over her soon. 

Friday, January 23, 2009

Reenactors: the unsung heroes.

No, I'm not talking about those people who dress up like soldiers and reenact historical events. I'm talking about the fine folks who bring true stories to life. Not like on Lifetime movies though; I'm talking the people on shows like A Haunting, or Unsolved Mysteries, or any other number of awesome shows that provide us a chance to see what really or may have happened on that mysterious day in question. Bonus when they show footage of the actual person they're depicting talking and they look barely anything like them, except maybe the same hair color. It must be sort of validating, I mean yeah, you had a traumatic experience with a ghost or whatnot but you get a chance to tell your story and have a more attractive version of your ordinary normal self do so. So, hats off to you, people who do TV shows pretending they're real people that had terrible things happen to them. Now we can all share in their misery/intrigue/scurry sitches.

A sort of answer for Kate

This Erin person from The City has been a puzzle to me as well, so I defer to my good friend Wikipedia who reports the following: "Erin Lucas is the pseudonym of model and actress, Erin Williams. She is a cast member of the MTV reality television show, The City, a spinoff of The Hills, where she is the confidante of long-time friend and main character, Whitney Port. She is the daughter of AC/DC bass guitarist, Cliff Williams."

Not satisfied? Me neither! So I deferred to my second good friend IMDB and hit the message boards (it's my day off and I want to be a famous pop culture writer and I'm working my way through a pot of coffee, OK? Slag off!) and found THIS: "Their ex-boyfriends are best friends. They met a couple years ago through the boyfriends, then went to Coachella and stayed in an RV together." I can totally picture Erin in an RV.

So, Kate and myself, there we are. As to the ID of anybody wearing a beanie or in the airport, well...hey, this is show is on demand and Mick is off doing laundry! Gooooooooooooooal!

A subject I was bound to tackle eventually

"Can you believe they're making a sequel to The Descent? What's next, The Shining 2: I'm Thawed Out But Still Nuts?" -Andrew (used with permission).

My friend Andrew makes an excellent point (and may I again offer him thanks for his copy of The Descent, and his wife probably thanks me for getting it out of the house) and brings us to a subject near and dear to my heart: sequels, which will also inevitably bring us to remakes. (To know me is to know this post could get heated and rambling; deal.)

Now, some sequels I will cheerfully stand behind--Rocky 4, anyone? Here's the thing that the fine folks in movieland need to realize: grounds for a sequel. The end of a good movie often leaves you wondering, what would come next? Here's the don't always ACTUALLY want to know. You don't want someone to come along and say, oh here, let me show you! Sometimes you want to be left with your own thoughts. In cases of, say, Rocky or the Godfather fam, sequels work because the story has more to be told, or the character warrants further development. Of course it's also good to know when to stop, I'm talking to you Rocky 5 and 6--clearly, you should have gone out on the high note of ending the Cold War. And offing Adrianne? Unforgivable. And why I will never view your last installment.

Here's the thing: horror movie sequels. Yes, it's cool that you made a really excellent scary movie. LET IT GO. Go make up another new one. Again, some character it's cool to develop more, even though we all know where it will ultimately end up. But just because people keep going, please--show some restraint. Stop at 5 or something. (No, I'm not talking to you, Saw, you should've quit while you were ahead.) Same thing with remakes. Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Was it excellent the first time? Yes. Did it inspire you as a filmmaker? Sure! Why not! It should inspire create your own thing. YES, I am most certainly talking to you, Micheal I Don't Have An Original Bone In My Stupid Body Bay.

Which brings us full circle to the beginning of the post and the point made by Andrew: some movies simply should not have a sequel because when they ended, THEY ENDED. They ended quite well. In the case of The Descent: do I want to know what happens to Sarah? Sure. And by sure I mean no. It's an extra head scratcher as pointed out in this article which addresses the fact that by region release, this movie has 2 endings--the original of which does not in fact leave the door open for a sequel.

In conclusion, grudging sigh, all of this will probably not stop me from seeing it. What do you say, Andrew? For old time's sake? We can wear matching t-shirts again!

Hello, Christian the Bale here

I'm wondering if there's a term for when you read a blog and steal something from the blog that it stole from another blog. This could go on infinitely. Either way I'm not shying away from it because this is awesome.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Catching up with the City- who are these people?

I have officially watched, what, five episodes?  I admit I have a short attention span and am usually doing a few things while watching TV but I am confused and have a series of questions regarding this series:

-WHO is Erin?? I keep waiting for the explanation of how they met or anything connecting back to the idea that they have known each other longer than the show. Is this another Audrina/Heidi situation or are Whit and Erin really for real friends. 

-Who is the guy in the beanie cap and fur collared coat? Who is the girl from the airport? What's going on? I need some help, ladies. 

-What percentage of the new apartment is MTV paying for? Any chance it is less than 100%?

-Does Olivia have any friends aside from her cousin? (Olivia told him NO GIRLS over- is this really an issue for Nevan? BUT I am loving his short new york answer to Olivia making fun of his shoes- "they're super comf!")

I need help answering these pressing questions because at this point I am not getting into the drama because I just don't understand. Are there Cliff's Notes?  I will be anxiously awaiting answers in the comments...

I am thinking they need to relate every person whose name pops up on screen to Whitney- "Whiny airport girl- Whitney's sometimes boyfriend's college roommate's brother's best friend's girlfriend"or whatevs. Work on it MTV.  Make it easy for me- I don't watch the show to increase my brain capacity.  That's what video games are for. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Update: Sting still looks like a bum.

Thanks to Laura for sending me this link (you weren't last to the party, I got there after you!) of The Dance.

The triumphant return of clean-shaven Jack

"What are you doing out of the mental hospital?" -Hurley's dad.

Speaking of mental hospitals, this show could put a gal in one. Mick bravely soldiered through the first 2 episodes with us tonite having never seen it before (though Hurley actually summed up the entire show til now in less then two minutes to his ma quite nicely). After the first few minutes I was ready to poke my eyes out. After the first hour I felt a feeling best expressed by my dad that he said after basically every episode last season when I would call to discuss: "This show is really starting to piss me off." In a bit of wisdom expressed from my Minnesota dad Jeff, when he called me after the show to get my thoughts and I told him I was completely confused, he pointed out that they are jumping around in time, which is confusing. Thank god they're not doing the usual flashbacks/flashforwards because there's enough going on as it is.

I started to settle down a bit in the second hour, which to me was a little less fast-paced, something my brain needed. We had been discussing the role of Hurley earlier in the evening and it was nice to see him get some good airtime, and I have to say I do love his parents. I'm glad the new castaway's shelf life was shortlived, and I'm confused by Ben's new friend Jill the butcher (Reason #501 I'm still staying away from meat--apparently you never know when an evil genius is keeping a body "safe" in the meat lockers). I'm interested by the woman who wouldn't sell Des the ring suddenly popping up in Ben's life, though somehow not surprised. Let's face it, this show somehow manages to simaltaneously constantly surprise me yet not suprise me by suprising me at the same time. If you found that confusing, you sort of have an idea of what's going on in my head.

Good band names from tonite: Death by Dishwasher; Libby Says Hi.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Best Moments of Inauguration Day 2009

"I'm a lefty. Get used to it."  Obama

"I may not be able to dance but I sure like holding her!" Biden on dancing at a ball with his wife Jill.

"This man was born for this." Beyonce on Obama in tears after her performance. 

" will sing us A New Day and we're going to go see some balls!" Larry King getting to the nitty gritty of the night. (it could have been going to go to some balls but he slurred over it and I like my version better)

"I'd like to dance with the person who's brung me, who does everything I do, but she does it backwards, in heels." Obama trotting out the one-liner pony he rode to every ball. Mr. President, those in attendance at the balls may not see that you are recycling dialogue (though it is green of you) but those with CNN have seen you say that line at 9 balls. 

"we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right." Rev. Joseph Lowery infusing some rhymes into his benediction. This guy rocks. 

"The Fall Out Boys performed..." Usher reporting from the Youth Ball to Larry King, sounding very un-youthful. I guess you have a kid and you lose all touch with the young ones. 

I am going to bed right after the Tim Gunn interview with Larry King is over. I love that LK is staying up late and giving an entire segment to how Tim Gunn views the fashion of all Obamas. 

Inauguration question of the day

I posed the question "What do you do on your first night in the White house or what would you do?" to some of my friends and these were the responses:

T: "Panic, but take comfort in four years of guaranteed employment."

E: "No idea. The secret service know where you are at all times. That makes sex awkward."

Batgirl: "Well, drink a lot of wine and eat a lot of really good pizza, drunkenly stumble around making fun of past president's portraits, then pass out in the oval office."

K: "I would prank call you from the White House."

Me: "I'd probably cry and then hit up Lincoln's bedroom to see if his ghost is really still there and ask for advice."

What would you do? It's an interesting thing to think about.

We've been waiting for this hour- history you're ours! (thanks, Hov!)

I am watching the Neighborhood Ball which my aunt told me the Obamas had for their campaign workers who were not able to get tickets to the swearing-in. She called me to switch the station right before Beyonce sang "At Last" for the Obamas' first dance. 

Kate, in the kitchen fryin up some veggies crumbles with taco seasoning; cell phone rings. Auntie asks if I am busy watching TV (she knows me well)- no I am watching TV but not busy. Switch to channel 5- Neighborhood Ball, then she quickly says she'll talk to me later and I can tell she is already getting choked up. She rivals Alison in the quick to cry at happy/touching events. 

Beyonce is on a floating circular mini-stage and they first show her from the back. My first thought is DAMN that dress is unflattering. I think I said out loud that B was looking thicker.  

And then she starts singing and the Obamas start dancing and I just started crying. 

It was the most beautiful thing I have seen on TV.  You gotta see the video if you didn't catch it live. I'll post it when I find it.  And- LOVED Michelle's dress. Lady knows how to wear clothes. 

I feel spoiled that I only had two wait through 2 disappointing election nights and term starts (as disappointing as they were) before getting to tonight. I can't imagine how I would feel if it had been 5, or 15 inaugurations. 

Having a ball (or 10)

After my aunt's teary call I started watching the Neighborhood ball and while I am ECSTATIC about the day, the inauguration, the future, I have to share a few of the snarky comments I was entertaining myself with: 

So I was still basking in the moment of the Obamas' first dance as Stevie Wonder starts singing Signed, Sealed, Delivered with a cast of chanteuses.  I was into until Shakira jumps in and threw off the whole vibe. I like Shakira- she's got talent, but her uniqueness did not flow with the group they put her in. Ouch.  

Other thoughts on the ball: 

- Ray Romano? Really? He was actually kind of funny but I was quite surprised to see him walk out on stage to entertain the crowd.  Everybody loves him you know.  And this was the ball for everyone. 

- NICK CANON? Who let him in? He seems to be part-time emcee and part-time disc jockey.  He was probably Mariah's plus one. (edit: apparently he was the host of the night)

-Kate Walsh- her dress was AWFUL- and she used the phrase "extreme movement specialists" which is just ridiculous on every level. 

-Jay-Z performed in his new signature nerd glasses, which I am pretty sure he swiped from Kanye's closet last time they had a boys night in. But he can do no wrong in my book and I loved em with his tux- white vest and white bow tie. 

-Shakira did a harmonica solo during her solo performance-  made up for her arresting turn in the group number

-Kerry Washington looked like she had a root canal this morning and her face is still numb.

-In watching continuing coverage of the other balls I can tell you Obama is reusing lines at every ball.  And I bet they are getting sick of hearing At Last. Once Beyonce serenades you while trying to hold back her tears, the cd recording of the instrumental version really leaves something to be desired. 

- Jason Wu- dress designer for Michelle's ball gown called Anderson Cooper (how appropriate) to talk about the dress. Let me tell ya, he is a better designer than he is a speaker. He didn't know until tonight that she was wearing his dress. How amazing would that feel?

-Kanye on Anderson Cooper- performed at the Youth Ball. Opened for Barack and said this would be the only time he would be the opening act. Tongue in cheekly that is, cuz that's how he rolls.  

-Kanye says wow- George Bush is a human being and he hurts too. Too bad he couldn't do more at the end to help his legacy.  Is that a back-handed compliment or a front-handed insult?

I think that's enough live ball blogging for this year. I just want to know- what are Barack and Michelle saying to each other as they dance?

Please don't pass the nuts

3 Questions I am left with after this week's The City:
1. Am I supposed to like Jay as a person/character after he makes statements like, "Sometimes you just need to take your nuts back in your hand and say OK, it's my turn now"?

2. How are there still girls left that actually fall for the line, "You know you can trust me baby!"?

3. What exactly does Olivia mean by the phrase, "You look like you were in a retirement home" in regards to Cousin Nevan's sneaks? And 3.5 What the hell is a needlepoint loafer?

This has been 3 Questions I am left with after this week's The City. Thank you.

Mojo Jojo for your home-o

The Powerpuff Girls Complete Series 10th Anniversary Edition is now for sale! And if you get it on Amazon, it costs...
Forget saving the world! That's saving my wallet! Sign me up.

Hey, can someone give me $42?

I, personally, wore pajamas.

Maybe it's the fact that I love Vogue but while watching the Inauguration, I found myself wondering: Who is Mrs. Obama wearing today? She looks fab. Well, God bless the internet for knowing all. This article accompanying the info (Isabel Toledo is the designer of the hour) is actually pretty interesting. In my humble, Voguephile opinion.

History through texting

Alli (at work): Are you watching?
Alison (forcing herself awake): Has it started?
Alli: Just.
Alison: Watching. I've never watched one of these before.
Alli: I watched in third grade for Bill Clinton.
Alison: Are you watching at school?
Alli: Yes. All the classrooms have it on.
Alison: I bet his kids are thinking, it's cold out and this is boring, we better get two damn puppies.
Alli: I was thinking that too.
Alison: Oh I'm going to cry.
Alli: I got a little teary. Good thing I'm in back. There are kids complaining about having to watch. Do you think I'd get in trouble for hitting them?
Alison: Nah...Did he memorize this? That's crazy.
Alli: Well he's probably waited for this forever. Our using a prompter...Prompter.
Alison: Oprah holding cue cards you mean.
Alli: Oh god, don't make me laugh I'm in class.

(13 min. later)
Alison: Finally! Oprah!

Monday, January 19, 2009

You wanna get a corn dog?

Oh my god, I love Jason Segel and Paul Rudd and I have been waiting for this genius combination since last fall. Here is the restricted trailer for I love you, man. Prepare yourself because it is truly hilarious.

Poster boys for virginity!

This is Chet from Real World Brooklyn. This is Matt from Real World New Orleans. Both are religious boys prone to acting like self-righteous d-bags and assuring us all that no, they're not gay despite the fact that their appearances would suggest otherwise. This has been a public service announcement for those who have been separated at birth: There may be hope for you. Just please, get it off of my television. Thank you.

A blow for Phoenixes everywhere

You know, like Nana Pratt once said, life is a bucket of worms, and you don't know what to do with it. But occasionally, every once in a great while, if you just muddle through and be patient, life throws you a bone. A big, delicious bone shaped like Joaquin Phoenix growing a Unabomber beard and announcing that along with the help of Diddy, he's recording...a rap record.

Yeah, sometimes life isn't so bad.
This idea, however--well, I can't really say the same for that!


All right, so, I just came back from seeing The Killers and let me tell you, those boys do put on a hell of a show. I mean, things came from the ceiling! Paper! Lights! (I'm easily impressed, OK?) I dearly love The Killers and hadn't been to a show in awhile so it made me very happy. Though if you would've told me when I listened to their first CD endlessly while jogging in the park in L.A. (yeah, I jogged, I may take it up again) that if they would've evolved to eventually having fake palm trees, a saxophone, bongos, and bubbles all during one song in their stage show for their third release I would have...well, I would have probably slowed down to a walk to catch my breath from the jogging movement. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I heart Brandon Flowers and apparently we are on the same wavelength as right as I was thinking, hmm, I bet he mentions the heinous weather conditions here about one minute later he brought up the snow. In conclusion, I have two things to say:
1. I didn't cry! though I did get teary eyed during "Read My Mind" (come on, "I don't shine if you don't shine"--that's a beautiful line).
2. In case you're wondering if it's completely awesome to be in a gigantic dark room with a shiz-ton of people you have never and most likely will never meet and you're all chanting "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" while Mr. Flowers holds a microphone over all of you... ah, yeah, it f**king is.

(P.S. to Kate, thought of you during "Mr. Brightside" and sang the second "doin' just fine!" for ya.)

Sex, Drugs, and Rehab

First I accidentally watched Real Chance of love today and then I left my tv on tonight and came back to Sober House on VH1. Of course I watched the remainder of the episode and Jesus Christ, if you ever want to see what happens after 20 years of the Rock 'n Roll lifestyle will do check out 15 minutes of this show. The Guns n Roses drummer arrived at sober house wasted on heroin and once they found one of his stashes he injested the rest of his stuff. Seth (from Crazytown) suggested that he probably ate it because they had already confiscated his needles. Oh god I just gagged again.

Fyi, I didn't spend my entire weekend watching crap tv. VH1 just had a hold on me today.

Ya feel me?

Making the Band 4 starts early in February. My question is, what band? Dawn better get entertaining real quick.

Can I hold out til May 2010?

For the love of Ray J premieres on Feb 2. VH1 is clearly out to make me want to shoot myself. Mission successful.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Really! Really? (Again)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the number one movie this weekend. I just vomited. Earlier I watched Biggest Loser for the first time and they said all you have to do is look at the contestants and you'll see the problem with Americans. I'd like to make a formal argument and say that the true problem with America is that they all watched this movie this weekend. All I can say is that I hope it was all just kids that forced their whole extended family to go.

Really! Really?

Four. I repeat, FOUR men were stabbed at a party after a screening of 'Notorious' (the film about Big). Really guys? Did you even watch the movie? I haven't seen it but I assume it has deals a lot with the death of Big and how it was a case of tragic violence. Maybe pay more attention next time you see it fools.

Now you gonna learn what it really feels like to miss B

Beyonce gets to sing the very first song Barack and Michelle Obama will dance to on inauguration night. I can't imagine what it must feel like for B to know that she gets to participate on such a historic night. The song she'll be singing is 'At Last' by Etta James which is a gorgeous song. I'd totally approve if it weren't also from her upcoming movie 'Cadillac Records'. I am totally judging you B for choosing this momentous occasion to also promote yourself. (I realize that it was probably not her choice but her handlers and it really is a perfect song for the night but I'm still judging).

Saturday, January 17, 2009

An open letter to...Pepsi.

Lately I've seen billboards with one word that incorporate a logo into one of the letters. Words like "love" and "howdy." I've confirmed my suspicions that the logo is that of Pepsi. Which leads me to write...

An Open Letter to Pepsi.
Dear Pepsi,

Recently it has come to my attention that you are apparently launching yet another ad campaign. LBH, Pepsi: Give it up. Coke clearly has the edge, especially when it comes to advertising. I mean, Santa Claus drinks Coke. So, please, stop with the attempted theatrics. Be thankful for the faithful customers you do have. Like My Favorite Uncle Don who can tell the difference between Pepsi bottled/canned in New Ulm, MN and Pepsi bottled/canned in Fargo, ND. Now THERE is an ad campaign!

Faithful coke drinker,

"My vegetables sing to me."

All right. Traci told me about this really cool blog called nogoodforme which in turn just introduced me to Thunderant. Apparently, Fred Armissen (of Saturday Night Live fame, my favorites of his body of work include Ferictio The Drummer who to this day inspires me to tell people that I'm yust keeding! and those hilarious Weekend Update things where he and that other akward guy explain things to us through songs that consist entirely of them singing nonsense) and Carrie Brownstein (who was in Sleater-Kinney who I met once and totally cried and then when they went on "indefinite hiatus" I totally cried again and called my dad who had no idea what I was talking about but these sorts of phone calls are one of the staples of our relationship) make short films now. So far I only watched 3 but giggled a lot, especially at the end of The Perfect Song and at most of Feminist Bookstore Episode 2 (as a feminist I cannot stress enough the importance of being able to laugh at one's feminist self). I had no idea Carrie Brownstein is hilarious. Now I'll be the first to admit my sense of humor is a bit off sometimes but I'm fairly sure at least someone else who reads/writes this blog will get a good laugh out of it.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Bling bling, or not

So, apparently when asked by InTouch mag why she went to the Globes sans wedding ring, Jennifer Lopez explained it away with a simple "It just didn't go with the dress."

Riiiight. I know all married women think that when they're trying on clothes. "Hmm, will this match the thing I tend to wear, oh, pretty much all of the time seeing as how it's my wedding ring? I mean, everyone will be scrutinizing my entire outfit to make sure it matches a ring that I generally wear at every other event I attend." I should probably keep that in mind when I get married. Maybe I'll get a clear ring. That will go with everything!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

SIL Reco #17

My sister-in-law and I always end up talking about TV.  She is/was/is a big Gilmore Girls fan and likes other good shows.  She recently borrowed my complete series of My So-Called Life (yeah- that's right- all 19 episodes) and re-watched em.  So when she suggests shows to me I usually check em out.  

She loaned me the first season of Samantha Who?  and I am on episode three and likin it. It seemed a little hokey at first- girl loses her memory and has to figure out who she was- but Christina Applegate is wonderful. I love her.  I will call her Chrissy Ap. Sookie (how does one spell that?) is in it and kind of Sookie-like but a little crazier. And heavier I think. NOT that that matters.  It's funny, Chrissy Ap is cute, Sookie is Sookie and Jean Smart got a job!

you should check it out if you have a hole in your schedule on whatever night it is that this show is on.  I'm gonna get my DVR on the case. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Catching gossip at 65mph in -13F

I was driving home from class tonight, listening to Cooper Lawrence's radio show. The jury is still out with me and Cooper- well, I think I enjoy her as a person but I can't tell what city she broadcasts her show from and for some reason that REALLY bothers me.  She is a research psychologist, or something similar, so she must be kinda smart, and she wrote a book called the cult of celebrity, which I think is about why we are so obsessed with celebrity (wait- who's we?).  

ANYWHO- not the point. So- Cooper was making an appearance on a TV show today (Mike and Juliette?) and saw a hair lady that she knew.  You KNOW hair ladies got the good gossip.  The hair lady is going on tour with Britney for the year as she is the backup dancers' hair stylist. And SHE said that Britney is bringing a guest along on the tour- who you may ask? One MR. KEVIN J FEDERLINE!!!!!   According to the hair lady, KevLine is going with so he can be with the boys AND they can be with their mom. Wow.  Do you think they'll get back together?

Other hair lady gossip- she recently traveled with Alicia Keys on her tour and apparently Alicia Keys is not a very pleasant person. She is rude to people around her, demanding and talks down to her employees.  I am kind of disappointed in her, but somehow not surprised. 

This is all if you believe hair ladies. Which I do. Exclusively. 


So I am on post... 203?  This Kate to Alley (Alli, Alison) ratio is O-F-F! Someone needs to help this sister out. 

I need someone to do my laundry and then mindlessly watch TV for like, 6 hours straight on a non-school night- THEN I can get some real work done. Some real blog work. It's a goal.  

OK. In a shameless attempt to up the Kate, I conclude this post to begin another. 

...maybe I can get a pinch-kate or a kate understudy.... I am accepting applications...

In case you missed it...

So tonight's enhanced version of Lost was 98% recapping and reminders. The only real info I learned was that the anagram for the funeral home where John Jeremy resided is an anagram for "flash forward" and that when Ben winds up in the Tunisian desert after turning the wheel, 11 months have passed. And there was a sneak preview involving Sayid and Hurley. And a couple of commercials which only serve to make you more anxious, as if you weren't enough already (there was a scene from a baby delivery, I think it was maybe my favorite couple...). Oh well, it gave me another chance to turn on the waterworks for Des and Penny's Triumphant Reunion. And give the info that is running a showdown of important scenes. Of course I already visited and voted. And yes, I voted for Des everytime!

A Self Esteem Boost

I'm not trying to be mean and I love Gwen Stefani, but seeing her un-airbrushed makes me feel better about myself. Like the Gilmores, I too feel that if Gwen and Gavin do something, I can too. Apparently we don't have to be perfect after all.
I am lucky enough to have our 200th (!) post and I am going to fill it with questionable fashion. I don't have strong feelings for or against Jessica Alba but apparently she's all of a sudden become a daring fashionista. Those who set the trends tend to throw everyone off at first and with the first outfit and I'm totally thrown:

I don't care if it says D&G on the label, those are pj's. The next outfit though, I highly approve of:

What do you think? Come on, judge with me!

Gilmore siting #2!

OK, so we keep seeing commercials for The Uninvited and beyond the fact that I can't get over Elizabeth Banks in a role that's not comic, I couldn't place the main daughter and didn't think to look it up. However I did think to look it up just now when I realized that the other daughter is none other then Arielle Kebbel, a.k.a. Lindsay, Dean's wife on Gilmores! AND then in the process I realized the main daughter is none other then Emily Browning, a.k.a. Violet from the Lemony Snickett movie (and young Sharin Foo of The Raveonettes doppleganger as figured out by Traci)! Job well done, Carley. My work here is done.
For now.

Things in common with those you will never meet

Maybe it's the fact that I lived in L.A. (sorry to be a name dropper) but every once in awhile on a tv show or something someone will say they were somewhere and I get all excited and think, I was there too! Like Michel just mentioned on Gilmore that on his trip to Cali he went to Coffee Bean. I went to Coffee Bean! I took Alli! Granted Coffee Beans are the equivalent of Starbucks in L.A. so the chances Michel and I went to the same Coffee Bean are slim to none (may I add there were still an equal number of Starbucks, AND 7-11s so, coffee abound). Traci found a pic online on another blog of some girls at the Echo Club and WE were at the Echo Club! The thrillingest hands down was when Audrina and JB went to Toi on The Hills, back when Audrina didn't annoy the heck outta me. Toi is like only my favorite restaurant ever. And let me tell you, life is a little bit tougher when your fav restaurant in the world is two plane rides away. Excellent thai food, coffee everywhere, temperatures that don't have a minus sign in front of them...That's it! We're all moving to L.A.! You too, Michel.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Safety first, death last

Retrocrush is an excellent sight if you have time to kill, which I apparently have in spades. It first came to my attention when someone told me about their list of 100 Scariest Movie Moments, which is really quite good. And only one of many other fine lists. Today I found this posted on their main page, which is a feature on safety posters from India. Oh, I laughed. Especially at the banana one but only because it made me remember this time in L.A. when the kids and I were on a break from class and I decided to test the banana peel myth...yeah, it's true. Especially if it's peel down on a linoleum floor. And you're wearing flip flops. And you're purposely not looking to make it "authentic." Then we all got kicked out of the room by my old jerk boss for laughing too much. Good times, good times.

What would you do?

If you ever want to see how good AND how evil people are, check out the show 'What would you do?'. I caught it last week (cause it's after Scrubs which is back on now, woohoo!) and shit yo, this show is crazy. It's a hidden camera show, but they place people in very real situations where they witness things like racism, attempted date drugging, etc and see who does something and who doesn't. It makes me wonder what I would actually do. John Quinones is inspiring me to be a better person.

Apply Sophacles then sex

As promised, the Daniel Radcliffe interview with Conan which I find hilarious:

My text to Alison and Kari this morning: "Please don't vomit on your phone, but Fargo native Abbie Noah aka 'Corn Fed' won Real's heart last night on Real Chance of Love."

A few questions. Why does the Fargo Forum insist on publishing this stuff like it's great news we should be proud of? Why Corn Fed? I don't think we have an inordinate amount of corn here. It should've been something like 'Mosquito Bitten' or 'Winter Induced Suicide'. Much more appropriate Real and Chance. (Who am I kidding, you're probably just trying to give them worse names than you were given). What will her show be called when their love predictably sour? Corn Fed's Husking of Love? I'm done.


Well, another year of the Golden Globes are over, and I'm sure you've been dying to hear my deepest, darkest thoughts on the matter. I will start with the fashion. There were some fine lookin' ladies--Christina Applegate was quite lovely--but my vote goes with Laura Linney. Isn't she golden? There were also of course some odd choices. Sting looked t0e-up bad and Maggie Gyllenhaal's choice was a bit baffling. But Alisons' honors for Who The Hell Hates You Enough To Have Convinced You That THIS Was A Good Idea? goes to Miss Renee.

I was happy to see Kate Winslet get her two-fer wins (she easily deserved it for The Reader, which of course I can safely say seeing as how I saw it and all). Who wasn't validated to see Heath win, and Christopher Nolan gave an excellent speech in his honor.
Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange presented together and they were acting straight up goofy. I'm thinking they're maybe still in Grey Gardens mode?

The real highlights for me were the funny moments. Allow me to run them down:
*Don Cheadle's dry introduction of Burn After Reading, in which he points out he's never been asked to be in a Coen Brothers movie and given the chance, he would've crushed Fargo, and they always ask boring people like Brad Pitt (strategically placed front and center).
*Tina Fey's inspired moment of if you ever feel too high on your horse, "There's this thing called the Internet" and then proceeded to list off screen names of people who can "Suck it." See, this is why I love Tina Fey--who else marks a moment like winning a Globe with the phrase Suck it?
*Bruce Springsteen's valid observation that this is most likely the only time he will be in direct competition with Clint Eastwood.
*Ricky Gervais spotting Kate Winslet in the audience and reminding her it was his advice to do a Holocaust movie and the awards would pour in, followed by his obersavation that the only downside to a Holocaust movie is there's never any gag reel.
*Tracy Morgan's announcement that he and Tina Fey made a deal if Barrack won office that Tracy would do all the talking on behalf of 30 Rock.
*Collin Farrell being able to make fun of himself after a case of the sniffles that it was cold, not that other thing that it used to be.

In conclusion, Slumdog Millionaire is now posed to get some Oscar love and somewhere, John Adams can be happy knowing that for all his contributions to this great country of ours, Golden Globes can now be included. They'll start including that in social studies now, right?

Stop the presses!

"Hmmm, let me see. Now that I've been kicked out of my group that Diddy formed on a reality show, what should my next move be? A ha! I've got it! "

Now, how WILL she top this?


Lately I am obsessed with the old Public Enemy song, "Fight the power" (which Vanilla Ice apparently does a cover of on his new CD, which also includes "Baby Got Back," "Jump Around," and "Buffalo Soldier." Really, Ice? You like big butts and you cannot lie? The minute this cd hits the discount racks, which should be any minute now, I'm so there.). I was never a big Public Enemy fan, though I did appreciate them giving me the pointer that 911 is a joke. The last time I saw them was on Strange Love when Brigitte Neilsen came to one of their shows and all hell broke loose. (Poor Brigitte. Doesn't she realize she peaked with Rocky 4 and should just call it a day?) Anyway one of the reasons I am loving this song now is the following line: "Don't Worry Be Happy was a number one jam! Damn if I say that you can slap me right here!" I can't imagine Vanilla Ice doing that line justice. Me, I do a pretty good rendition. I may add it to my covers CD. Still working on the final line-up. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Every rose really does have its thorn

Like I said in an earlier post, I was watching Conan tonight and he was interviewing Dr. Drew and it was a very good interview. The first mind blower of the night was that Dr Phil does not have a medical license. I'm no fan of his but doesn't it seem like someone doling out advice should have some sort of knowledge on the subject? Could I then just convince Oprah to give me a show and give you advice?

Next subject was Drew's new spin-off of 'Celeb rehab' called 'Sober House' where we follow the rehabers that chose to go into sober living. I'm not sure which celebs will be there but I'm sure I'll watch an episode or two (it makes a very good workout show). It was interesting though, the two started discussing reality shows in general and they make the point that most of the shows put only crazy people on tv. Now I know you're saying, "Fuckin' duh Alli, that's what makes good tv!" But they meant actual crazy, borderline personality disordered people. I never thought of that. Maybe because I always wanted to be on Real World when I was younger for the experience, but it makes total sense that it'd be a very narcissistic person who'd think that everyone in tv land should know their business and what their demons are. Drew also made the point that reality tv is now displaying people's emotional 'deformities' like PT Barnum displayed physical deformities.

Interesting. And really all those reality dating shows now seem sadder than before. Maybe I should send this to Bret Michaels?

Sidenote: Daniel Radcliffe was on the show too and it was a very funny interview. Since I love all things Harry Potter, I'll post the interview as soon as I can find it.

I am a robot I am talking like a robot

OK, here's the issue: whenever "Womanizer" comes on the radio at work I literally cannot stop singing it. And by singing it I mean repeating the word "womanizer" in a robotic voice. I'm like a train going off the tracks! It can't be stopped! I want to stop and the word just keeps coming out! I even tried substituting other work related words ("water bottle water bottle water bottle" you get the idea). It got to the point where I started to open my mouth and my manager would shoot me a "Don't you go there again" look. I don't even like the goofy song and yet it takes over my brain! Don't even get me started on the group of regular crazies who come in and when I was forced to wait on them I related the dream I had to my other coworkers where somehow I saw their house and their was a tiger buried in the yard. For the entire time I waited on them I kept saying, in a very loud voice, "Literally a tiger buried in their yard! Literally!"

Beats womanizer, I guess.

Uncle Phil!

I was watching Conan tonight and not only did Conan sing the Hannah Montana theme song but I was delightfully surprised to see and old friend during a commercial break. He's still so wise but with a slightly older appearance which in turn makes me feel old. (Dude looks like he's lost weight too. Looking good, Uncle Phil, looking good.)

Don't need to look no further...

So I've been totally enjoying my Hills replacement the City and tonight was no exception. I love the fact that Whit is scoring points at DVF instead of Olivia and am still totally jealous of her life. One thing I'd change is Jay. I'm over his accent and his gorgeous eyes. (Was it coincidence that he was dining at Il Bastardo restaurant?) "Good things come in threes." Really Jay? It's cute that you've only had three girlfriends ever, but, ew. Why would you talk about your past lovers immediately after asking her to be your girl?

I think after tonight I'd totally go with Chris (aka DVF guy). He had that totally forward "I know I want you" look in his eyes and he seemed so confident in a nice guy way. Plus who doesn't want a guy that can hook her up with gorgeous clothing but doesn't seem too into fashion himself. I guess if Whitney doesn't want him she can send him my way. When we hanging out girl?

On a whole other note, as I said in my last blog, I love how I met your mother, but tonight it was totally violated by the presence of Heidi and Spencer. It was only a short hilarious moment, but still. Is nowhere safe?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

"Jesus Christ! Did you see that unicorn? It's horn was so shiny."

Let me preface this by saying that I love Neil Patrick Harris. I loved him on Doogie and I love him now on How I Met Your Mother. He was on SNL last night and dude did not disappoint. I loved every skit. Here is the opening monologue:

And it would not be complete without a digital short (wait for the end) :

Neil Patrick Harris: "What does the P.H. stand for in N.P.H.?"
Kumar: "Uh..."
Harold: "Patrick Harris."
Neil Patrick Harris: "No, common mistake. Poon Handler."
Kumar: "Oh."

Saturday, January 10, 2009

As our wallets get thinner our skirts get longer

I was looking through the Fashion & Style section of the New York Times online today and I found this video which relates our failing economy to our falling hemlines. I thought it was interesting but since I mostly wear jeans and never have money it doesn't really pertain to me.

While I love thai food...

I just watched The Real World Brooklyn premiere, and the one thing I took away from it was this: Katelynn got her gender reassignment surgery done in...Thailand.

Hopefully this season doesn't include her untimely medical demise, cause that just sounds like not the safest way to go about things. It was probably quicker then getting it done here. I imagine that's why she did it. It's just...foreign country gender reassignment surgery? That just sounds like a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.

Oh, and Ryan and Chet are sketch.
That's about it.

Friday, January 9, 2009

In bed

"No, Rory, this great man was not brought down by my vagina." Paris, in response to Rory's hedging suggestion Asher Flemming died mid-coitus.

Let the games (almost) begin, Part 2

Often after we watch a movie I start acting like a film geekette and start looking up the trivia on IMDB and any other random info on Wikipedia; inevitably, this leads me to think of other things to look up on both sites--movies, shows, so on, so forth. Anyway of course I ended up looking into Lost and stumbled upon this excellent chart of all the characters. All of them. Upon skimming it, I found a couple of interesting things which you know I of course will relate to you now:

Item 1: In the character summary of Locke, it concludes with the sentence, "Locke apparently dies of an alleged suicide three years after the Oceanic Six leave the island, under the alias of Jeremy Bentham." Wha-wha-wha? Alleged suicide? Did I miss that? It wouldn't surprise me if I did, as so many flippin' things happen on this damned show, but I feel like I would have grasped that. So if this actually is the case, does he do so thinking he'll be reincarnated if brought back to the island? Is it "alleged" because in reality he was killed and it was made to look like a suicide in an attempt to get the Oceanic Six back to the island?

Item 2: Totally forgot that Shannon's father/Boone's stepfather was the one who hit Jack's ex-wife Sarah with his car. This was brought back to me by the Off-Island Characters flow chart, which ALSO led me to THIS:

Item 3: Cassidy Phillips. "Cassidy is a recently divorced woman whom Sawyer cons, despite his loving her. Cassidy then goes to Iowa and meets Kate. Cassidy later has Sawyer arrested and visits him in jail, where she tells him they have a daughter together." A-HA! I vaguely remember some of this! And it leads me to speculate the following: Whatever Sawyer whispers in Kate's ear and we then see Kate trying to take care of behind Jack's back post-island could quite possibly involve this woman and their daughter. You see! You see what I did here?! I, too, can make up theories! Make a note of this, people!

Item 4: Nerd alert! Nerd alert! That would be me.

Let the games (almost) begin...

OK, so, this week on Wednesday ABC is showing all 3 parts of last season's Lost finale. Not only that, but it will be the enhanced version! You know, when they run things across the bottom of the screen to remind you who the hell this person is again, or "this scene is an homage to Star Trek episode #201" or "this character is named after this famous smart person you've never heard of before". Then we can all sound smrt when we converse with fellow Lost dorks.

Lost: ruining your life and making you feel somewhat intelligent yet still like an idiot at the same time for its fifth season!


R. Kelly and his wife are apparently divorced after 11 years of marriage.

Wait, someone married R. Kelly?
Someone stayed married to him for 11 years? And had children with him, too, apparently.
What was it that kept her with him? The lure of the child porn charges? The artistic brilliance of "Trapped in the Closet"?

Wait, R. Kelly has kids?
Is that safe?

Gem of the day!

Where to begin with this? The kids choir is amazing, and costumed none the less. The little dude at the end is brills. I love the piano/drum combo. The song is haunting. I need to hear more!

Oh, yeah--and it's Ryan Gosling.
Commence swooning....NOW.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Welcome to Sunbucks, may I take your order?

I was surfing the web when I found this odd list of knock off brands. Check them out. They're kind of hilarious.

My Lisa Bonet obsession continues....

Lisa Bonet had a baby in December and I'll give you three guesses to the you got it wrong. The bouncing baby boy's name is: Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha.

Say that three times fast! I still love her and she's probably the only person that could pull that off. Her babydaddy is Jason Momoa from Stargate Atlantis which I've unfortunately been made to watch a few times and his hotness is the only thing that got me through.

AND it had girl on on girl action!

Gilmore Girls season 4, episode 17, "Girls in bikinis, boys doin' the twist," original airdate: April 13, 2004.

Garden State
, movie, released on September 22, 2004.

The Shins appeared in some capacity in both. However April comes before September, so...

Sorry, Zach Braff.
The Gilmores scooped ya.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dancing banana, you can't go wrong!

OK, so we saw a commercial for Family Guy the other day that played the clip where Brian dresses up like a banana and does this song about peanut butter jelly time to cheer up Peter. I never did figure out where that was from. There's also a line in the excellent song "Crank dat Batman" by the Pop It Off Boyz about peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat. I decided to google it and found some interesting theories, one of which is too gross to repeat. However, I also found this video which is too hysterical to not share:

Digger, blah

Lorali: I'm going to the coatroom to make out, don't eat my chicken.
Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

and baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun

I love love love Lady Gaga. She's so not my typical style of music but I enjoy her immensely. Even my 18 year old Lamb of God loving brother got her album. Here is a piano version of her song 'Poker face'. It's enjoyable.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

The Golden Globes are coming up and best believe I will be all over that like peanut butter and jelly on my toast every morning. Last year's broadcast was so depressing during the writer's strike. It was like, two nobody's delivering the results during some sort of E News-like format. The Golden Globes are awesome because everyone in the audience has access to alcohol.

So far I've only see one best picture nominee, The Reader, and I highly enjoyed it. I'm going to try and squeeze in Slumdog Millionaire before the awards so I can least have 2/5 of a chance of being psyched. I've seen two of the comedies, Burn After Reading and In Bruges, and I'm rooting for In Bruges which I laughed my ass off at, especially the line, "If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn't, so it doesn't." (Apologies to Alli for the R word.) I'd like to see James Franco and Frances McDormand win, as James Franco was great in Pineapple Express and Frances McDormand is ever fabulous. Tom Cruise and Robery Downey Jr. were equally hilarious in Tropic Thunder but who among us isn't rooting for the late Mr. Ledger? And Batman needs props for something.

Let me tell you already got robbed, nomination-wise: Henry Ian Cusick for his brilliant, brilliant portrayl of Desmond on Lost. And hands down, the Golden Globe for best beginning in a movie should go to The Happening for the chopstick in the neck. I don't even care that this isn't a category, this scene just needs to get its proper recognition for awesomeness.

The hottie and the oldie

New couple rumors are putting together...George Clooney and Paris Hilton.


60% of the time, it works all the time

I don't always love Will Ferrell's movies but lord do I love me some Anchorman. On one of the many beauty blogs that I read I found this

I'm interested to know what it really smells like, but I'd never buy something for $30 that was immortalized on screen as smelling like "a turd covered in burning hair."

My laptap buffers too much

So, the other day when I got to work my co-worker Emily said she had something she was going to tell me but could not think of what it was, and she couldn't remember, and then eventually I said hey, did you watch The City? and she said THAT was it! It's always good to have co-workers to discuss these things with since I spend half my waking life with them.

Leading into this week's sepisode, one thing I always wonder when watching these shows--they have to edit it in those long pauses to make it seem more awkward and dramatic, right? Like I picture the editors splicing in extra footage to make those long, drawn-out pauses. Only sometimes they just make them seem like their idiots rather then adding to the drama.

I really like Erin. She seems so down-to-earth. I sort of feel like in this show, she's become like Whitney was in Hills and Whitney is like Lauren--advice giver to advice givee. She's way better at Olivia then giving it. Apparently Olivia is under the impression she is Whitney's Yoda. Can a soliciate adopt a non-debutante? Had I have known this I would've looked up a deb in L.A. I loved her lecture to Whitney on the importance of being an independent woman; I couldn't help but notice several cuts to a random co-worker looking over her shoulder during it. I really wanted to hear what she was thinking. In my head, it was, Jesus Christ, Olivia, shut up. And this Nevan person is ridiculous.

Honestly, I'm glad to have this between seasons of The Hills, which was starting to irk me because as we've groused before as of late it's been about anybody but Lauren. What would really make my life is a split-show of the two, you know? Like half of each segment about Lauren in L.A. and the other half on the other coast about Whitney. I'm way over Heidi and Audrina. Is MTV hiring? I think they need my expertise...

In conclusion, Whitney's legs are sa-lammin'.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Gilmore siting!

I saw a preview for Confessions of a Shopaholic which looks pretty cute and I spotted Krysten Ritter who played Lucy of Lucy and Olivia/Lucy and Marty fame. I always liked Lucy and Olivia (brief though they were on the show), especially Lucy. So I'm glad to finally see SOMEONE doing something after the untimely demise of the Gilmores. Well, besides Lauren Graham who apparently has a new show coming out, fingers crossed. And something that looks to be actually viewable, yes I am speaking to you Scott Patterson in the Saw series.

Friday, January 2, 2009

One final procrastination post before I clean:

Show of hands: Who's going to watch Real World Brooklyn? It looks like MTV might have finally pulled its head out of its ass and remembered the show is best when not about hooking up and partying 24/7 while stopping to f up a preassigned group job every once in awhile.

The City, my laptop edition

It's become easier for me to catch MTV shows on-line. The downside is, dork that I am, since I can't get at the blog I make notes about stuff I want to write about; the upside is, no commercials. Just like, 30 second blurbs where commercials usually are. Although it can feel odd when I'm wearing headphones watching and Mick is watching something on TV and we both randomly laugh at things. Also, the blurb of the first episode was for this new movie The Unborn, which I thought looked kind of cool, plus it's got Gary Oldman who is awesome, plus it's from the co-writer of The Dark Knight...then today I find out that Micheal Bay is the producer! For those who read my old blog, suffice to say I think Micheal Bay is a hack.

That having all been said, I finally watched the first two episodes of The City and I am in love. Much like The Hills (what would our show be called? The Plains?) it made me a bit nostalgic for my time in L.A. The excitement of living in a big glam city that can swallow you whole...By the way, at the risk of sounding like a total idiot which luckily has never stopped me before, does anyone else ever mentally picture their location and who they're with popping up on an imaginary screen from watching these shows so much? Like the other day I met my friend Angela from work for lunch, and in my head "Punch Pizza, Highland Area" flashed across, followed by "Alison," "Angela, Alison's co-worker" and "Matt, Angela's friend."

I found the credits a bit odd, only in that they showed pre-filmed close-ups of everybody. And the whole thing left me with some questions, like who the hell is this Erin person? I quite enjoy her, by the way. And I couldn't help but notice the bright nail polish--orange, yellow, white--being a contrast to Lauren's perma-black nails. Is this a nail polish symbolism? I also enjoyed the way the phrase "art dealer" was featured so prominently in The Dinner Party (is this the kind of thing we're supposed to be throwing at our age?). I was highly entertained by the second episode, especially by Alex going out of his way to point out he hates being "that guy" then proceeds to spend the rest of his airtime being "that guy". And curse words were flying! The icing on the whole cake was Kelly Cutron's confusion/apparent disgust over Olivia having a job. Oh, I laughed. I would love a little Kelly being judgemental snippet every episode. It's official. I'm going to rock this show hardcore. In "Alison and Mick's apartment, St. Paul."

Oh yeah, and happy new year.

Sawyer needs a haircut.

I was watching the second disc of Lost season 4 last night. It got me thinking, as Lost usually does. It also got me crying and a bit sad that even though I love my boyfriend, I will never have a relationship like Des and Penny that transcends time and time travel and mysterious disappearing islands. Of course that having been said I don't have to worry about my dad being a total ass who's in competition with one of the scurriest characters ever to grace the screen who may or may not unjustly lead to my untimely demise. But I digress.

In Eggtown, when we first learn that Kate is Aaron's new ma, at the end she's talking to Jack and she tells him she knows why he doesn't want to accept Aaron as her son. Wait! But I don't know why! Does she know that Claire is Jack's half-sister thus Aaron is Jack's half-nephew? It appears Aaron has aged since they first return from the island when Jack finds out at his father's memorial. But did he ever tell Kate? And if Aaron is aging this rapidly how much time has passed on the island? Then I rememberd two key things: 1, time does seem to be a bit of an issue on the island and for all we know one normal year is 3 island months; and 2, this show doesn't need to make sense. That's not why I watch it. I watch it to curse the heavens over the entire debacle and still obsess over it at the end of the day. I guess that's my constant.

Finally, Alison posts Top Model!

All right. Who's the wise guy that stopped running ANTM marathons on MTV and Vh1? I used to live for that shiz. Anytime you have an entire day ahead of you and realize it has suddenly been shot down by hours on end of episodes you've already seen countless times--that's a good day, my friends. And I haven't had that for-ev-er.

Granted, admittedly I'm "over" the show. I mean, cycles 9 and 10 suuuucked. We all remember how the judges evilly punked us when the top 3 were Jennah, who rocked; Chantal, the blonde who couldn't model her way out of a paper bag which everyone admitted as much; and Saleisha the suck up. And who made it? Not Jennah! And who won? Saleisah the suck up, natch. Last time I checked being able to cry on cue was not a criteria for Top Model. I should know, I have a subscription to Vogue.

Then there was cycle 10, in which they apparently decided it was time for a plus-size model to win. Now, I am all for plus-size models (though frankly if they are plus-size I would probably be considered a morbidly obese model) and I agree one should win...IF she was good enough. But let's face it, that ship sailed in cycle 3 after Tocarra got the boot. She's been hands-down the only good plus-size model. But instead we got Whitney, the over-the-top blonde, who was clearly not as good as her other competition, Anya the anti-plus size model.

So, fine. Fixed modeling competetions. I didn't watch cycle 11 at all (though I did get updates from Wendell, the hilarious gay host at work, who kept me in the know on all things tranny model and who I also like to mimic the Tyra Banks "Smile with your eyes" routine with, you know the one--they do it every season). I couldn't tape it because we still rock the VCR and I already had to tape Project Runway while I was at work. And I suppose I could have taped/watched the Sunday re-runs of ANTM. But quite frankly, I couldn't be bothered. Anyway I already knew I would cave in and watch when they did the all day marathon of it on cable, when I could watch it the way it's best watched--holed up on the couch, looking like hell and eating junk food all the while...

Ah, hello, where's my cycle 11 marathon?
Stale, MTV/Vh1. I frown at you with eyes!

Thursday, January 1, 2009


I totally stole this from

Lost Premiere Fires Up One Trippy New SeasonDec 30, 2008 01:25 PM
by Matt Mitovich

Lost's Sayid and Hurley find big trouble.

The first seasons' flashbacks now seem utterly quaint. And the more recent flash-forwards? Relatively simple. As promised, previewed and teased by the producers of Lost ever since Season 4 came to a close, the next cycle of episodes introduce a new storytelling "device" of sorts that might make you want to keep a notepad and pen next to your TV remote.

But enough about that. No, really — that's enough. I can't say more, given the confidentiality request that prefaced the first two Season 5 episodes made available to the press.

Instead, I will simply note that the episodes "Because You Left" and "The Lie" offer compelling twists for both the half-dozen "survivors" of Oceanic flight 815 as well as those who are still on the island (wherever it may be).

The first hour is the stronger of the two, as it sends the mind reeling and uncorks infinite possibilities. Picking up soon after the events of the season finale, "Because You Left" reiterates Ben's claim that Jack et al must return to the island to make things "right" (as Michael Emerson shares in this video, there's a "scientific need" for that reunion to happen), then lets slip a bit of insight — from the perspective of those left behind — as to where the island moved. Alas, just as they figure it out....

Next up, "The Lie" revolves around a major predicament for one of the Oceanic 6, setting the stage for a twist that significantly staggers Ben's plan to "get the band back together." Meanwhile, Sawyer, Juliet and the others are subject to old island problems, new revelations and surprise saviors, with the showstopper being one of Lost's most electric and intense action scenes ever.

Familiar faces return. New faces create new problems ... or perhaps offer solutions (hello, Fionnula Flanagan!). People die. All told, the foundation is laid for a pivotal penultimate season.

Before I go, a few more teasers to whet your whistle until the new season arrives Wednesday, Jan. 21.

• Within the first minutes, Daniel Faraday turns up in a most unexpected place.

• Jack shaves his strife beard ... in the premiere's second such shaving scene. (And no, you'll never guess the first familiar face to take razor in hand.)

• There's "another" plane crash.

• Someone gets a nosebleed. (Uh-oh.)

• Kate is haunted by a decision she made.

• As previously spoiled, a dead gal briefly resurfaces — in a somewhat surprising (and somewhat ironic) capacity.

• Did someone order a big helping of frogurt...?

• Every theory I have read about how Desmond might remain in the mix, even though he and Penny were free and clear at the end of the season finale? No one got it right.

• Someone dares call Sawyer an "inbred." That can't end well. And it doesn't.

• Speaking of Sawyer, he remains shirtless for the entire first hour plus the first eight minutes of the second episode. (ABC, you owe me big time for spreading the word on that.)