Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm gonna say it...

I caught The Cosby Show tonight and I realized that I miss that show. I still find it funny and heartwarming. I also miss those crazy sweaters and the out of control fashions from the whole cast. I always wanted to look like Lisa Bonet. Who can blame me?

How cute is that?

Zooey Deschanel, who I love, is engaged to Ben Gibbard from Death Cab and Postal Service. This is flat-out adorable in my book. I mean, she dabbles in music on the side--well, may I add (though I still need to get that darn She & Him CD) and has quirky taste in her movie roles. (Though she was a bit odd in The Happening. Who knew her eyes could get that wide whenever her cellie rang?)
Although apparently some newsfeeds got it mixed up and reported she was instead engaged to the bass player from AFI. Which would frankly be ridiculous and stupid. It makes much more sense that she would be engaged to an indie rocker. Thumbs up, ZooBen! (That would be their celeb generated nickname, right?)

Interactive Gilmore quotes!

"He'll make me eat a veggie burger!" -Lorali in response to Rory's suggestion she try to crash at Luke's post-Inn Fire.
"I'd sleep outside before I ate a veggie burger." Mick in response to that.

Monday, December 29, 2008

First time in the City LIVE BLOG

Initial thoughts on the first few minutes of the city AS I WATCH IT-

Whitney describes her gentleman friend as EVERYTHING she should stay away from- young, good looking and not used to being with one girl. So- hopefully this season we can find her an old, ugly dude who either has a girlfriend/wife or has never had a girlfriend. Good luck Whit!

Olivia- really? We couldn't even pretend for a minute that she is a pleasant person? Who introduces themselves by talking about a dinner party that you aren't invited to? Yeah. No one.

Flashing Lights

Part 1:

I'm blogging as I watch 'The City' and so far it's alright. I laughed so hard when they show Whitney walking up to DVF and the random dude patted his friend on the back when she walked by. I have to admit that when I first heard that the spin-off would be about Whitney, I wondered if she could carry a show, but all the press leading up to it has made me pretty ok with it. I like that they chose someone similar to Lauren in terms of normalcy.

I'm actually very jealous of Whitney. What more could you ask for at her age than an awesome job, an awesome city, and a very aussie-omely (nice right?) hot boy. Jay got a tish less hot when he said, "I just do whatever I want." Not such an attractive quality. I watched My So Called Life and I know how that story pans out.

I'm wondering what Olivia's deal is. I was confused by the fact that she's a "socialite" but has a job. I thought the point of being a socialite was that you partied with other people's money and don't work...I can already smell a worthless friendship brewing but this one may lead to more contacts than a certain other worthless friend.

Part 2:

Ok the second half hour so far is all about if Jay is playing Whitney. At first I thought we had another JB on our hands, but really they haven't known one another very long and it's not really that big of a deal to date more than one person, as long as that other person is the other's best pal.

I totally don't blame Alex for trying to get into Whit's ear. If I lost a totally hot girl like her, I'd also go down swinging. Isn't it weird that he put a mike on for all his gossiping and also for the argument with Jay? I'm glad Kelly Cutrone will be on occasionally to give advice to Whitney and also to pass judgement on the people on the show.

Final thoughts: I love Whitney and her current roommate (her name escapes me)and that's pretty much it. It seems like she's left the city of teen stars for the city of twenty-somethings who are very worried about their labels (according to where they live). I'm excited to see how this pans out BUT I can't wait for the next season of Hills. I hate strangers.

Don't be a Bromophobe

Blame it on "a case of the Mondays" but I just watched the majority of Brody Jenner's Bromance. I was immediately calmed by the fact that Frankie was still there- I know you were as worried about his status in the bro-clique as I was when I heard Brody was on the hunt for a new bro.

So- a few quick notes on the new brow (that rhymes with show but starts with a bro).

There was a gay guy who was clearly on the show to soak in the lingering aroma of Lauren Conrad that apparently still clings to Brody. His name was michael and he was really upset when he found out he was NOT on an episode of the Hills- and he made it very clear that this was his issue. At his exit he put in the final plug, with double fingers crossed, for Brody and Lauren to get back together. He also threw in that he didn't want to sit around "talking all day about having sex with girls." After he left all the boys jumped into the hot tub together for a straightforward elimination (hey guys- Brody doesn't pussyfoot around). Too bad the gay guy couldn't have stuck it out for a few more hours!!

As we could have anticipated, here is the initial list of the variations of Bromance that have been thrown around:
-bromantic
-bromosexual
-broast

I am sure the list will only grow.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I don't get it...

As my pen name suggests, I enjoy makeup. I have a whole pot of black glitter and was wondering what else I could do with it so naturally I you tubed black glitter to get some ideas...what I found was this:




I seriously don't get it. Is this a fetish thing or an artistic statement?

Also, after I typed in the words 'pen name' I googled it and came across this pen name generator. Mine was Ella Mentry. Genius and stupid at the same time.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oi with the ho ho ho!

OK, so, we were watching Gilmore Girls and now we're watching Fred Claus and figured somethin' out: Vince Vaughn is a fast talker. The Gilmore girls are fast talkers. Will Rory's real dad please step forward?

Seriously, if Vince, Rory, and Lorali all hung out together, mad hijinx would ensue.
Think about it.

Alli Wolverine



I can't wait!!!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

2008, don't hate

Well, the end of the year is upon us, which means everyone is doing their year in review. Year in review of music! Year in review of movies! Person of the year! Funniest commercials of the year! (I'm pretty sure Kevin Nealon made a deal with the devil to land this gig.) Top ten this! Horrible that! Well, now that we have a blog, best believe I'm going to weigh in too. And I'm going to do it the best way I know how. And so, without further ado, I give you...

10 Things I learned from The Hills this year!
1. If you want less airtime on your own show, surround yourself with idiots who will fill the 30 minutes for you.
2. When you get tired of being unwed, take your intended to a foreign country and pump them full of said country's signature hard liquor.
3. If you're someone's sister and you want your time on air to make you look good, have lots of colorful tattoos and master the art of giving advice purely through your facial expressions. Otherwise your segments just come off as killing time, thus negating the meaningfullness of your one shining moment in the very last episode of the season.
4. Boys like to insist girls are always getting in each other's ears, but get them in a hot tub with baseball caps and watch the gossip fly!
5. Even the douchiest of douchebags still loves His Nana.
6. If things get too awkward while trying to have a conversation with your best frenemy, ask if they've been working out during a lull. If they deny this, continue to insist that they have.
7. When you're trying to say something simple, instead make it as flowery and rambling as possible and try to make yourself sound really philosophical while all the while your on again/off again significant other falls for every bullshiz word of it. And while you're at it, wear overalls.
8. Where's your black? Everyone else is wearing their black!
9. If your boss makes it clear that he thinks your significant other is an asshole, don't expect a wedding gift when you announce your Secret Mexican Marriage.
10. When you realize you're surrounded by vapid idiots (except for the one other non-idiot who is busy not getting air-time on her own show), get yourself a new job and a hottie foreign rocker on the other side of the country. Somebody has to get the glory in between seasons!

Worst Christmas EVER


Let me tell you why this was The Worst Christmas Ever: because for the life of me, I could not find "The Powerpuff Girls Twas the Fight Before Christmas" anywhere on TV. Sure, I coulda Netflixed it like Kate did for us the first time we saw it. But every other year after that the damn thing was on TV! Hell, I watched it like, 5 times one year in L.A.! So thumbs down to you, Cartoon Network. Way to give Johnny Bravo precious Christmas cartoon airtime whilst denying Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Coal all around!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Oy! With the flower child already.




Seriously Whit? I know you're the fashionista and I am not, but does this really seem appropriate for the night Lauren passes the torch to you? This is really more appropriate for a themed photo shoot or something. I can't handle it.

On another note, Lauren looked bomb. Lady looks like she has been working out a lot.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Have you been working out a lot?

'Twas the Hills finale tonight and I'd originally planned not to blog as I feel I've been quite repetitive with my thoughts about the kids but I just couldn't keep my feelings to myself.

It was the night of redemption it seemed. JB, Spencer, and Heidi all had very nice moments on the show where I didn't feel like I wanted to punch them in the face.

I'll start with JB and 'dude'. Oh, it's Audrina? Weird cause all I ever hear Justin call her is dude until tonight, when we got one 'Audrina' from him. The happy couple took off to have a romantic weekend. I could not help laughing at JB shirtless in overalls on that motorcycle. So ridiculous. Anyway, he was very sweet in their little ring moment and it seems like maybe he's not just the king of ridiculous one liners after all.

Now Heidi. Was I the only one who shuddered when Lauren hugged her? I just feel like she's such a tool but I actually really appreciated her teary moment cause I felt like she was a human for a second. Also, when she asked Lauren if she'd been working out it was hilarious and again felt like a real conversation between friends and not a scripted dramatic moment.

Now surprisingly, Spencer also had a human resemblance tonight as well. The big cliff-hanger (which I myself could care less about) was that big S decided to let Heidi get married with her mom there. Now once again, I feel like a lot of their story line on the show is scripted to add drama but his little speech at the end was nice and his face looked truthful so that's that.

Now there wasn't much of Lauren tonight (which isn't a huge surprise) but she looked awesome at the party and really showed how stand up she is when she gave Heidi the (horrifying) hug.

And in minor redemption news: The aftershow was also not as irritating as usual (I totally missed the Justin interview so I'll be you tubing that later). Glad to hear that there's a new season of Hills coming our way eventually and really am excited for the season premiere of The City.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Secret Mexican Wedding- The DVR Edition

Per usual, I am late on the TV watching. Just saw Speidi's Secret Mexican Wedding. I know it is really not the point, but I am confused and distracted by the logistics of the wedding. Here is a short list of the things that bothered me:
- Heidi walks up to Spencer on the patio with 4 inch heels, a tiny bikini, champagne and meticulously curled, tousled, styled hair. How did she find time to bring her hair guy down when it was made so clear that the trip was a surprise??
- They are drinking Patron and Spencer convinces Heidi to get married- it is nighttime and dark out. They stumble out of the bar on their way to get married (does this resort have a 24-hour chapel?).
- Cut to the next morning when they are in bed and insinuating that they got married the night before. But they show the footage of their daytime wedding. Did I miss something?
- Again Heidi has the perfect FHM photo spread hair. Come on- Lauren's hair usually looks like something she could have quickly pulled together herself. They are NOT helping the "reality" aspect of the show. I would believe that everything was real if Spencer and Heidi were not on the show.

So- I was annoyed. And did Spencer really think it would fly to not tell anyone they are married? Has he met Heidi?

Side note- saddest part of the show was seeing the little glimmer of the pre-brainwashed Heidi when they were drinking before the whole secret wedding suggestion. She was silly, smiling, having fun and not being dramatic. It was awesome to see that- and then it slipped away so quickly. Sorry Whit- I'm gonna miss you, but you will only be gone for a week. But I haven't seen the old Heidi in over a year.

Wow. Did I really just write a paragraph on missing the "old Heidi"? Yes. Yes I did.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Citizens arrest!


Ahem. After being severely chastised by Kate for my South Dakota dissing and mildly chastised by her dad, I have to say, I think the Bates family may have secretly engineered this just to make their Dakota look cooler. I would way, way rather have Vinnie Jones (Garfield movie or not) punch someone in a bar to represent my Dakota as opposed to Cisco Adler punching someone in a bar in Fargo. Sigh.

Your creepy differs from mine

A DJ on The Current was talking about how you shouldn't watch this video because it's creepy and after she played the song she said her friend sent her an e-mail saying the video got 100 hits based off what she said; sadly I was in the car driving at the time and was not one of the 100. So I had to wait until now and while it's creepy it's creepy in an artistic way and I liked it. And I actually really enjoy the song too. I do love a good music video, and I never get the chance to see them anymore, I suppose because no one plays them. One day I will give The Current money. They've introduced me to some good stuff. And on a side note I don't like the new Killers CD which is so disappointing because the first one was really good and the second one was really awesome...Sigh.

Anyway, without further ado, Ladytron.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Perez is my favorite

As I was scrolling through my favorite pink website I ran across this little Gem (even if you don't enjoy Britney you can't deny the hilarity that is Ellen)


Also Kate check this shiz out:

Gilmore Girls Quote of My Day

Alright so most of this weekend I was trapped in my apt due to this hellacious thing we call winter and I've been rotating between movies and Gilmore Girls so expect far more of these posts:

"If I wanted to play pin-pong, I would... Well, if I wanted to play ping-pong, I would kill myself." -Emily Gilmore-

Second funniest Hills episode of the season

What is this magical power JustinBobby has over me? One minute I'm watching the show thinking, overalls? Seriously, Justin. Wannabe bikers don't rock denim overalls. And then he turns around and makes me laugh when his response to Steph's worry over Heidi and Spencer taking off with no visible trace of their whereabouts is, "Maybe you should put up some signs." His one line that episode--so classically timed. Punctuated perfectly by the sheer confusion on her face after he said it (you can almost hear the thought, "Hmm...like reward for lost dogs sign?" clunking around in her head).

If only she knew her brother was off inventing the phrase Secret Mexican Wedding. What woman doesn't love her proposal featuring the phrase Secret Mexican Wedding? Why bother with a chapel, what you really need is a Secret Mexican Clubhouse. Maybe you get married in a Secret Mexican Language...no, no, not Spanish. You know I don't speak Spanish, Baxter!

Quote of the day, dork edition

Alison is at work and comes up behind a customer with a coffee pot just as the woman is taking a drink.

Alison: I was just about to re-fill that for you.
Customer: I didn't even hear you come up behind me!
Alison: I'm like a ninja.



Monday, December 15, 2008

I'll show you what a second wife does

Oh so many things... Whitney's leaving, yes it's sad but not so much for us because we'll see her weekly so I'm not spending much time on her except to say, "what up with your wack-a-doo cindy loo who hair at your party, whit?!" Interesting that she once again called it "the city". We get it Mtv, The City starts December 29th at 9 pm central time.

Moving on. The wedding...oh lord I think I'll begin with the fact that we found out that Heidi was drunk when she and Spencer decided to get married in Cabo. I totally knew it. One tip to future brides, you want to be glowing on your big day and not feeling "totally hung over". Spencer's big convincing speech was about how he's "madly obsessed" (you don't say!) and how she makes him want to be nicer. If this is Spencer nice...I don' even know how to finish that sentence. So patron'd Heidi agrees to tell "no one" (except their close secret keeping friends at US Weekly). She ends the conversation with the ever so classy line, "I'll show you what a wife does." I was under the impression that wives put out less but hey maybe regular sex was in the vows.

Previews for next week show Spencer threatening Heidi's mom with being her son now and Lauren hugging Heidi. Both teasers make me want to puke equally.

I'm thinking that I should've tried out to be on Brody Jenner's Bromance (which also begins on Dec 29th, I got it Mtv cause I don't even want to know how you'd work that in) because maybe then I'd have been able to break into this circle of friend and tell them what up. And maybe I could borrow some clothes while I'm at it.

Gimore Girls Quote of My Day

Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
Michel: Are there 12?
Sookie: 12 what?
Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.
Sookie: Or what?
Michel: What do you mean, or what?
Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?
Michel: This is a silly conversation.
Sookie: Would you die?
Michel: Just hand me the plate.
Sookie: Only if you don't count.
Michel: I won't count.
Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'
Michel: Pick another group.
Sookie: Nope.
Michel: I hate you! Hate you!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Just one question...

As I was watching Kanye West's performance on SNL last night I found myself wondering, why do people knock certain singers voices (like Miss Brit) but don't say a thing about rappers who sing (and are quite pitchy)? I really like Kanye and Love Lockdown, but it seems like a double standard.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Frosted Flake

Kate got me the first season of The Hills for my 25th birthday which of course I am now watching, and I have to ask myself...did I ever like Heidi? Brent Bolthouse has just informed her he hates drama. Oh, but if he had a crystal ball...
I had forgotten her stunning fashion school interview. And how when people are attempting to address her when she's excited about something she ignores them and bounces around like a four year old. And when she calls Lauren to tell her she got her dream job she doesn't realize how completely sarcastic Lauren is and rightly so (she gets a lunch hour! O.M.G., I don't even get one of those!). I could go on and on. I could film a running commentary!

Eh. I'll just eat cake instead.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Know it all Island Mover!

"Because destiny, John, is a fickle bitch."





So are you Ben/Henry, so are you.

Really? the Oscars edition

All right, I haven't decided if this is like our general "Please tell me this is a joke" really, really or more of an incredulous really, or I wouldn't have thought of such a thing really, or a hmmmm really, or a this could be a bold new move on your part The Academy but I'm suspicious til I see it play out really, you get the idea.

Hugh Jackman is going to host this year's Oscars.
Really?

Let's face it, I'm still championing David's Letterman's version of hosting. Hugh Jackman will never even come close to that. However I do have this great idea where Vinnie Jones does a "aren't we the dudes from X-Men?" bit...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BATGIRL!!!!!!!



Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh

It's your birthday!


Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh
It's your birthday!


It's your birthday

It's your birthday!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

An open letter to...Amanda Bynes

Dear Amanda Bynes,

According to the internet which is rarely known to lie, you are interested in Doug Reinhardt, who is not known for playing baseball but is known for being on The Hills. Have you seen him on The Hills? He's kind of a d-bag. You are far too cute to be dating a d-bag like him. I mean, you seem like someone I'd want to hang out with, whereas he seems like if someone who I'd end up wanting to punch in the small of his back which I imagine would hurt somewhat. So please, don't date Doug from The Hills. Hey, is Andy Samberg single? You should date him! He's hilarious!

Sincerely,
Someone who thinks she sort of knows you based on the fact that she's seen What a Girl Wants about, oh, 35 times.

People sure like Slayer!



OK, so I was driving to the Farg Tuesday and saw a billboard with nothing on it, and some enterprising soul had managed to get up there and spray paint Slayer on it. Then today I was driving behind a truck who had painted the Slayer logo on their back end. Frankly it kind of made me wish we still had Mick's truck so I could paint some band logo on the back of it. Maybe even Slayer!

The point is, people sure do like painting Slayer on things.
That's all!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A shot that leads you to needing a shot, or to be shot

OK, so Alli and I had a sleepover last nite that included watching 2 episodes of season 4 of Lost which re-brought up so very many, many questions. Before we delved into that life ruining past time of ours, however, we ended up watching...A Double Shot at Love. With...The Ikki Twins. What, one may ask, are Ikki Twins? Well, apparently they're blond bisexual twins who decided they should team up and do the whole house full of straight guys and lesbians competeing for their pure, pure love just like Tila Tequila did. I never did remember to catch either of old Tila's seasons. Catching this season premiere reaffirmed why I didn't try harder to remember. I could only sit through such a monstrousity to giggle at it with Alli. It included the lesbians dressing up like sexy animals (?) and the douchebag, douchebag straighty boys who all look like Abercrombie and Bitches and have made up jobs like Party Promoter. (Hey, come to a party! My hair suuucks!) Of course to add a fun twist Vikki and Rikki Ikki didn't reveal at first that they were twins and instead switched off places to fool everyone. Oh, the deceit! The treachery! They finally reveal their secret at the end of the show. Of course first Ikki or other Ikki tried to be all dramatic about it and keep repeating, "I have a secret" and then the awesome "I was born with another part" which led everyone to speculate that she either had 3 nipples or was a man (as Alli pointed out, no way was there room to pack heat in her skanky bikini bottom). It also led to quote #1 of the evening, when immediately after her statement of having another part, a blond Blayne from Project Runway look-a-like said in apparently distress or panicky shame, "I kissed her last night!" Quote #2 went to the last lesbian eliminated from the evening, who responded to Ikki or Other Ikki's statement of just not feeling a click with the flippant response of "That must be because I'm straight." Leading Alli and I to laugh and Ikki or Other Ikki to tear up. Apparently Fame Whore Straighty Girl was infringing on Ikkis' quests for true loves. Go figure.

Actually typing about this makes me feel like I need to shower away the shame remembering one Ikki watch the other Ikki make out with the contestants or whatever they are and looking way too interested. Although what else can I expect from bisexual twins looking for love in all the MTV places? Yeah, time for a shower. A scalding one.

Congrats Mayor Kelly!

Reed Kelly, Clay Aiken's boyfriend, is in deed the son of past Saint Paul Mayor Randy Kelly. Thank you to Molly for her research in finding the official Randy Kelly bio that tied up all my loose ends.

Randy- you may have lost the election of Mayor of a democratic city to a more democratic democrat than you, but HEY! Your son is the first post-coming-out boyfriend of Mr. Clay Aiken!! I hope Saint Paul is proud- I sure am!

I smell a made for tv movie....


(p.s. I realize this may sound sarcastic but I do intend it to be sincere)
(p.p.s. I am mostly excited that Saint Paul jr. is on Broadway! Go Reed!)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Oh nothing, just my first cell phone

"I'm just ready to go to the city"
Nice plug Whitney...if ever we were to wonder if the show was scripted it would've been in that line. I can't say that I wouldn't say a scripted line or two if a hot Australian and a new fabulous job was waiting for me in a great city. This week was pretty tame,and you could really feel the winding down of the season. There was a weird scene with Audrina where we find out (surpise surprise) that she still wants to be with JB. And a weird scene where Spencer was being "protective" over his sister (read: verbal punching bag).
I enjoyed seeing a ton more of Lauren tonight though. Is it totally lame that I was a little sad about Laurens parents moving out of that gorgeous house we saw them build in season one of Laguna? Sometimes growing up sucks...alright most of the time.

We all got one



Lauren, I love you but girlfriend what up?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Our bodies touch and the angels cry

I try to catch SNL as often as possible and despite there being a ton of new cast members this year, it's been a pretty funny season so far. One of the highlights of each episode is always the digital short with Andy Samberg and last night was no exception. Check it out but be warned it's pg-13...watch for the janitor.



What up with all the celeb appearances this season?

Fight!: The UK meets the SD edition.

Vinnie Jones, a British actor who was in such films as Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch, was arrested on Thursday for getting in a bar fight.

Now, such a factoid on its own may not have been noteworthy, and certainly not even something I would bring up here though I do enjoy those two films very much. No, what makes this particularly entertaining is the following two pieces of related information:

1. The fight started partially because a bar patron asked Jones if he was "that guy from X-Men." This apparently did not makes Jones happy...despite the fact that he is, in fact, in X-Men.
2. The fight took place in Wiley's Tavern in...Sioux Falls, S.D. Apparently he was on vacation. Though his manager, when commenting, didn't know why he was in Sioux Falls. South Dakota.

Apologies all 'round to any Bateses in the house, but as someone proudly hailing from North Dakota, I think South Dakota is ridiculous. Why a British actor was vacationing there is quite over my head. Why he got annoyed at being recognized as being from a film he is actually from is equally over my head. Now, if dude would have asked, "Hey, weren't you the voice of Rommel in Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties?" THAT would have been call to throw a punch.

Though as it turns out, he was the voice of Rommel in Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.

With thanks to MSNBC and IMDB for providing me info to bring you this breaking news.

Friday, December 5, 2008

A day off leads to multiple posts

I will be the first to admit that I can have a very simple sense of humor. I will laugh and laugh at things from the couch as Mick sits in a chair and gives me his best "Where did it all go wrong with you?" look. That having been said, I love David Letterman. I used to watch every night when Jawa and I lived at the lake cabin, and last year when I had to go bed early for work I would listen to it on the radio (it never came in reception wise on my tiny TV). I watched it last night after having not seen it forever, and learned the fun fact that back in the day, Jesus Christ used to rock a bracelet that said "What would I do?"

Now, back to the beginning of the post and my simple sense of humor--my absolute favorite part of the show back in the day, and I haven't seen them do this for awhile, was a segment called "Will it float?" The premise is simple, yet genius: Dave says, "And now it's time to play Will it float?" and then Paul and the guys plays the theme song. Dave asks the announcer Alan what the item of the night is, and Alan responds. Dave usually asks some questions, like what is the item packaged in? then asks what they're playing for, and Alan responds with some sort of sweet prize which of course no one actually wins. Then Dave and Paul discuss if they think it will float, and the curtain is pulled back to reveal a large tank of water, the 2 Will it float? girls bedecking it, Hula Girl, and Grinder Girl. Then they would put the item in the water, we would wait to see what happens, and the results would flash on the screen. How can this not be completely awesome? Thanks to the magic of YouTube I was able to revisit some of these feats of wonder. If you, too, find joy in the simple and scientific, watch the following to answer the burning question as related to coal and a glass brick--Will they float?



Careful there, Britney!

I'll yell it from the rooftops that I'm from Fargo, but when it comes to claiming our fair city's newspaper, The Fargo Forum, pass. Big pass. Apparently it was Pulitzer Prize winning at some point, a point that must have been quite awhile ago because for as long as I remember, the writing has been pretty weak (though oddly it produced rock writer darling Chuck Klosterman, which should maybe give me some sort of vague hope). This article that Alli tipped me off to is a prime example: "In her 27th year, will Britney die?" Apparently since a host of other music icons haven't made it past 27 (which I personally didn't think was THAT bad of an age) and she just turned 27 and has been having some issues, the author is attempting to put 2 and 2 together. But it's not making 4, or 27, or anything close to it. I'm not a Britney fan but I do admit to her importance in music; however, I don't hear her name and immediatly think of Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, or anyone else on the magical list of Dead at 27 (which, oddly, is fairly extensive). The author's reasoning is pretty weak, not to mention poorly written. He didn't even bother to make the obvious connection to musician Robert Johnson, a blues musician who died at 27 and is the center of the myth involving the word "Crossroads", which also happens to be the name of a movie Britney was in! See, THAT is good investigative reporting. Fork it over, Pulitzer committee!

Strike a pose, not a nerve, please

I heart Vogue magazine. You wouldn't know it to look at me, messy hair and worn-in jeans I constantly tug at the waist on cause I can't get a good fit down and all, but I do love it. I eat it up every month since heck yes I subscribe, to Elle also. The upside of this is I generally like the majority of at least one of the two mags a month, and they're hella expensive to buy on the news stand; the downside of this is that if you don't necessarily care for the cover subject, you're a bit out of luck. Elle screwed me two times in a row with Jessica Simpson then Mariah Carey. Vogue is usually fairly reliable, although I don't get the Kate Hudson obsession. What threw me for a loop is when they put Jennifer Aniston on this last cover. I don't necessarily not like her; she's just not my fav. What really perturbed me is that they put this quote of hers on the cover: "What Angelina did was really uncool." Wha? Vogue, come on. When I want to read things like that, I pick up Us or InTouch or Okay or one of the millions of other options for celeb gossip. It was odd enough you put her on the cover (she doesn't really scream fashion iconish to me). Apparently Ms. Aniston was a bit thrown off too, as MSN's own gossipy section has her as saying, "I was just surprised that Vogue would go so tabloid. I was bummed. But you almost expect it. Big deal. Done. Next." I haven't read the article and really didn't plan on it so I don't know how the quote came about, but putting it on the cover to up your sales when the rest of your magazine content has nothing to do with such a thing? Pretty uncool, Vogue.

Really? The ABC whore out edition

So apparently The Bachelor is coming back for another season. One may think that this post is to say, Really? that show is still on? really? But!

Oh no, there's more. I guess we need a new twist to keep the masses interested. Hmm, let's see, what can we do...wait a minute! We haven't played the child exploitation card yet! Score!

Nice, ABC. Not only have you found another single idiot to parade around in front of a horde of single idiot females, let's drag dude's kid into it. Father of the year right here, people! Will anyone be surprised when this kid eventually ends up in rehab?

So this one's for The Bachelor: throwing a young child into an already ridiculous mix. Really, ABC? Really?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Nooooooooooooooo!

So, the good news is, the b.f. found a good Lost post on his fav geek web-site with a link to another article about it. The BAD news is...it sounds like my favorite couple ever are in for more bumps!

Save Des and Penny, brotha! You're the writers--you CAN change it!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

It's like 400,086 newborn puppies

"This is like, better than 20 million Christmastimes."

-Crazy Stalker BFF (see below) on getting a massage next to Paris getting a massage (they were best friend massages according to crazy- I think they are actually called COUPLES massages)

BFF Forever

Paris Hilton is a good actress, y'all.

I avoided watching her show until about 9:15 tonight where I caught the last 3/4s of the finale. I was chopping pineapple and, well, you see where this is going.

So after my pineapple was cut and my lunch was packed, I was invested. It was a totally hard decision for Paris since this person is genuinely going to be her BFF- and the last F stands for FOREVER so she better make a good decision. Her two options were crazy girl who was stalkerishly obsessed with her and a very PG lookin Kat Von D who stalker said was just there to be a rock star. Seriously she didn't REALLY want to be friends with Paris she was just there for herself and her gains and she doesn't love Paris, truly love her, like crazy stalker does. Crazy stalker really thinks she has a real connection with Paris, from the first time they met at Le Deux. She could just tell from across the club there was something between them. Cuz based on the amount of "I love yous" flying around, I think Paris proposes at the end.

Everytime crazy stalker addresses the camera she sobs. After watching her for 45 minutes i am terrified. Plus she is from Alaska- I think we all remember what happens when we pick a chick from alaska to come along.

In the end the other one wins and took the rose, or whatever. CS sobbed about how boring life will be without paris and that paris will ALWAYS be her best friend. right. paris is definitely going to call you next time she goes to old navy.

But the REAL bestie is in like flynn (flin?) for the next three weeks until paris starts filming My New BFF: Micronesia.

Alison- she could totally be our BFF too- she is on our same shower schedule!

TTYN

Respect the Nana!

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with my colleague Alli on this one: The Hills this week was Hil-larious. (See what I did there?) Nana Pratt was the star of the show. I always love hearing what people call their grandparents and hearing a d-bag like Spencer use the word Nana repeatedly made me giggle. And there's nothing quite like someone who has so far proved himself to be deplorable as a human being walking around telling his sister she needs to make peace with her Nana. The scene where they share lemonade and cookies as Spencer attempts to sell his sister out to their own grandmother while his Mexican Wedding Wife pouts in the background, chiming in occasionally to kiss up--genius. Quote of the week for me hands down goes to Nana: "Life is like a bucket of worms, you don't know what to do with it." I don't even know what that means but it sounded pretty awesome. I mean, if someone gave me a bucket of worms, I would certainly be clueless as to what to do with it--wait! Just like I don't know what to do with my life! NOW I get it! Thanks, Nana Pratt! Pass the lemonade please, Fake Margarita Mrs.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Why are you banging Justin?

Blah! I just finished watching the Hills and once again I've come away with strong distaste for Spencer and a yearning for more Lauren. Hopefully some shiz blows up soon because there's only a few weeks left 'til the City takes its place. Maybe, Alison, this is why Heidi and Spencer married and why it may not be legal.

I have to say that the best and probably only good part of the show was when Audrina and LC met to talk about the whole JB drama triangle. After the main discussion, Audrina admits that she's had some trust issues and that she feels like she's lost herself a little bit. Girl we've all been there and I found myself feeling some compassion for Audrina big boobs.

And that's it. Those few sentences sum up almost the entire episode (Nana Pratt excluded but frankly who cares cause she likes Spence). Come on Hills cast! Your lives are starting to be as normal and mundane as my own...I mean with the addition of Louboutins and Chanel.

Welcome all Who's Far and Near

Christmas is upon us and usually I am not one to start the countdown (as I hate winter) but I put up my tree today...



....and for the rest of the day I've had this song in my head:



It's pretty undeniable.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

I go through life like a Karate Kid

I just finished watching 'Britney Spears: For the Record' and I only have a few thoughts. First, I dare you to watch it and not come away with even just a slight like for her. She was funny and very human. Second, you can't watch and not feel a tiny bit bad for her. Sure she chose her career but when you see the documentary you see a very real perspective of what life under constant scrutiny is like. It was interesting to watch the fans and paparazzi going nuts outside Britney's car and to see her and her carmates not react at all. Imagine living in a world where you can never really be alone ever...my skin crawls just thinking about it.




So in the face of it all I think at her age she's coming out of the negativity quite well. My favorite part was towards the end when she says she doesn't feel like a victim of her life and she chooses to be a happy person even on her bad days. I watched the doc to see exactly what Britney would say about the past two years and came away oddly inspired.

Margaritas: inspiring impulsivness since...awhile

So apparently what I have come to is being so curious as to whether Heidi and Spencer's wedding was legit that I google search it. And apparently the world as a whole has come to being so awesome that all I had to was type her name in my google bar and the first hit to come up was an article addressing just this. And so, everyone else, if you too were puzzled by this conundrum, now you too can have you answer. What a great wedding story. "Hey, remember that time we were drinking margaritas in Mexico and we all of a sudden decided to symollically exchange vows? I mean, by no way was that inspired by the presence of MTV's cameras or Us mag! I was just taken by the tequila and the Mexico and I looked at you and thought, one hour from now is the time to say a bunch of stuff about how cool I think you are in front of someone!" Can I get a free symbolic wedding this way? Like maybe I tip off the local paper I may or may not be doing shots at the local watering hole when I suddenly decide to declare my love to James Bond and then bam, we're symbollicaly joined as one. It probably won't be too hard to clear up legally then when I get fickle on New Year's and decide to declare my love to Batman after a lot of cheap wine. Thanks, Heidi and Spencer. Once again you've made life a little more cheapened.

Empire Records quandry

Did anybody else ever wonder why in the middle of the scene where she's calming down Cory after it's revealed that she does speed after it's revealed that Gina did Rex Manning on top of the copy machine, Deb suddenly goes to the bathroom?

Just askin'.

Text-o-rama

I didn't think that another cell phone commercial could ever replace Lauren and Brody's ATT spot as my favorite cell phone commercial (L.B.H., I didn't think I'd ever have favorite cell phone commercials) but leave it to The Prince of Darkness to one-up The Hills:

Friday, November 28, 2008

It's Black Friday, Charlie Brown

Nothing epitomizes America like mass murdering of birds, stuffing one's self beyond belief, and then getting so excited about some great "deals" at Walmart that they trample people. Seriously...I'm so ashamed.

Girl Meets Topanga

I wish.

Topanga Lawrence, or, the lovely lady who played Topanga Lawrence, has been trying to get in my brain for a few years now.

First- the names. Topanga AND Danielle Fishel (which I have been incorrectly pronouncing so it rhymes). Try to get THOSE out of your head. Can't can ya?

Second- the hair. Nuff said.

Ms. Fishel's first attempt was through a humorous piece of fiction I read on the internet called The Topanga Files. It has been awhile but I believe it was letters from a Topanga stalker. Of course, I can no longer find the Topanga Files on the internet. Damn.

In her second attempt, Danielle got arrested for DUI becoming another in a long line of long forgotten celebrities who comes back into the public eye through an arrest. Hey guys- buzzed driving IS drunk driving.

Next- my brother and/or sister in law told me about The Dish. "It is like The Soup but for girls" was how they described it to me. Loving The Soup, I wanted to check it out. But my memory is shorter than a goldfish's, so it wasn't until Brett Bretterson thoughtfully DVRed it for me so I could watch it at my leisure that I got to see the genius that is:

Danielle Fishel. Funny Commentator Lady.

If you get the Style network- watch it. I am falling in love with Topanga all over again. So I was thinking of maybe mentioning it on the old b-log when SUDDENLY, THIS WEEK............

Danielle did a plug for OVARIAN CANCER RESEARCH at the end of her show. This girl can do no wrong. I am on this kick now where I am desparately searching for products, companies, celebrities, fund raisers, events, races, whatever that benefit ovarian cancer research.

For YEARS it has been breast cancer this and wear pink that- this is very important- I am aware. Don't get me wrong- I understand that we needed to raise awareness and get funding and all that ish, but now I think the fact that EVERYTHING produced in the month of October in pink means we have done a GREAT job in building the awareness. I think this is an easier task than for ovarian cancer because it does affect so many women (and men for that matter), so bravo, thanks Susan G. Kommen's family, lets take this energy and direct some towards ovarian cancer. First and foremost, a reliable screening needs to be developed to detect this cancer. Let's get on it.

Cut back to Topanga love- at the end of the Dish this week, Danielle gave a shout out to run for her, a race/walk to benefit ovarian cancer research. This definitely put her over the wall of blogworthy versus not blogworthy. Thanks, Danielle! Let me know if I can knit you a teal scarf!

And the rest of you- look into the battle against ovarian cancer. It is a very scary thing because it is very hard to detect in early stages. I expect to see a hell of a lot more teal next September- yeah- ovarian cancer has a month too!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Bear Necessities




It's official! Ash had the baby and named him...Bronx Mowgli. It's like honey how it rolls off the tongue, huh? Seriously, I like odd names and I appreciate the shout out to Rudyard Kipling but wowza. I guess after he masters the art of flat ironing at the age of 2 and begins hiding his eyes behind serious bangs, he'll probably be able to totally work the name.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Corpse Bride

Quote of the year: "I would rather kill myself." Lauren in reference to the idea of hooking up with Justin.

I would just like to say, now that it is official that Spencer made PermaPout his bride, that the end of the world has most likely been set in motion as I believe the Bible lists this as one of the signs of the Apocalypse, and it was pretty nice to know a good portion of you. Peace out, bitches.

Gimore Quote of My Day


Backstory: Michel has been ingesting 2% milk in his coffee instead of Non-fat because the store has changed the milk color system

Lorelai: Isn't his bouncing bothering you?

Sookie: It was but now it's kind of like having a Beyonce video on.

Michel: Now I have to burn off all these calories and have to deal with 2% milk withdrawal.

You did this...

I just finished watching the latest Hills episode and once again it focused far too much on Spencers douchery (which I will not even touch on because I've said far too much on the subject already) and Audrina. The episode did nothing but make Audrina look like an idiot. Girlfriend hears a rumor about JB and LC hooking up (which even I could've told you wasn't true) and she goes crazy. Hey, Audrina, if you hear a rumor about your guy and your bestie hooking up and you think it might be true chances are you're hanging with the wrong people...seriously move on already. Steph Pratt even told us he's hooked up with all your friends, why does it even matter if he's hooked up with one more? For him to come off as the better person this time says a lot.
Sidebar: didn't justin look sort of handsome tonight? and drinking wine..he had me thinking he was classy and cleaned up until he started calling Audrina dude

The last slap in the face was Audrina going to meet Lauren to talk at a club and she ended up asking her again if she hooked up with Justin. Who knew after all those bitchy comments and eye rolls that Lo would end up being the better friend?

Next week: watch out for Spencer and Stephs grandma doling out advice...

I know just just what you ah ah are



Hi. I'm Alli. And I....love Britney Spears. I've enjoyed watching her ever since I saw the video for "...Baby one more time". I have to admit that I didn't care for her breakdown years and I stopped reading anything involving her post head shave (speaking of which I was totally waiting for some rockin' dos afterwards and all I got what shitty extensions but I digress...). So it goes without saying that I am so excited for next sundays 'Britney Spears: On the Record' on Mtv. I am ready for a comeback!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

We all scream for screaming

Sometimes, when you're utlra lazy, even to the point where the remote is literally right next to you but eh, you can't really be bothered to pick it up and channel surf, you end up watching things you hadn't planned on watching. Example: how I am started watching Scream Queens on Vh1. Normally I would not condone this, mainly because the winner gets a role on Saw 6 which I definitely do not condone (as much as I did not condone Saw 2, Saw 3, Saw 4, and even--wait for it--Saw 5). But anyway the first segment of the show had a challenge where all the contestants took turns popping out of a pool of fake blood (hello, Descent!) and giving a stirring speech to...something. The air, I guess. Some speech about vengence. Anyway of course they go to the contestants talking about it. One of them said something about, "Who do I hate the most? Oh yeah, myself!" so apparently she was drawing inspiration on taking revenge against...herself. Um, OK. There's Drama Queen and there's Baby Crier. Just ask the next contestant who got all emo because she imagined she was addressing her father. Of course! Dude was in and out jail and that gave her the inspiration to deliever a speech with a shaky voice while wearing a bikini in a pool of corn syrup. Nice work, ladies. How do I get on this show? I want to deliever a powerhouse performance inspired by that pony I never got because I forgot to ask for it. Let's face it, me in a bikink is scream-worthy enough of an idea anyway. (See, I got some Baby Crier in me.)

An open letter to...SAG

Dear S.A.G., also known as Screen Actors Guild,

It has come to my attention that you're considering having a strike over something, some money thing, blah blah blah. You all already have more money then the rest of us! And, hey, I have an awesome idea--we all saw what the Writer's Strike did to Cali's economy--let's pull that shiz again during what is already a horrible economy for the entire country! Yeah! Great idea! Screw Christmas!

In conclusion, if any of this affects Lost again, you can suck it. You can suck it big time.

Thanks!
Love, Alison.

Cable's version of a ring on it

According to Vh1, our beloved Shane is having The Best Week Ever!
Hooray!

I had pretty much given up hope on the honor going to me, so I'm cool with it. The best girl won, you know?

Saturday, November 22, 2008

And so's your old Pac-man!

Well, Thanksgiving is almost here which means Christmas directly follows. There's already a station here playing Christmas music 24/7 (best believe whenever "All I want for Christmas is you" by Mariah comes on I crank that) and ABC Family is already bragging up all the odd looking original movies they have. Me, I'm all about the Christmas cartoon specials. I usually watch The Powerpuff Girls "Twas the fight before Christmas" at least two times and you know we rock the Peanuts (we even got the Charlie Brown tree). Sadly I don't believe we get the Boomerang network here which plays old-school cartoons all the time, but they do have it at my dad's house in Fargo so I get to see Christmas specials from The Smurfs, Pac-Man, so on and so forth. And of course there's the 24 Christmas Story marathon. The last birthday I had in L.A. we attempted a drinking game while we watched Christmas Story. I say attempted because I didn't make it through after I had the brilliant idea to add "take a drink whenever anyone says So's your old man!" to the list we already found on the internet. We're going to do it again this year during Thanksgiving vacay so we may have to revise the list. I can't remember the entire thing but I know they drink whenever Randy whines and of course whenever they say "You'll shoot your eye out!" I think they had whenever their dad swears too. No wonder I never made it through. This year we're adding pizza. That will either help me stay up by cushioning the alcohol intake or leave me with a nice taste in my mouth after I puke and pass out. Oh, Christmas.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Watch this show!

Kath: Kim's waiting for the cable guy. She's been without tv for 12 whole hours.
Phil: With a 12 hour head start how are you going to keep up with the Kardashians?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pay the man

Whoever came up with this idea is a GENIUS.

Live puppy cam- get em while they're young! Puppies grow up so fast these days.

Brett- can Hildy watch it too??

58 seats and 62 Koreans!

Gilmore re-run quotes of the day:
"You can't dance to Joy Division!" -Lane's crazy cousin.
"You're going to have to do it with this boy, you're just going to have to do it." -Mrs. Kim.

P.S. Some kind hearts let my boy borrow their first season DVD's so don't be surprised by frequent Gilmore posts.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tighter than Shane's Dereon Jeans

I know we have posted about this song and gentleman before, but I gotta put in my two cents as well. Can't let the Alleys have all the fun.

Why I felt it was important to link to this guy again:
- He now has a name (and it's Shane!)
- I enjoy him better clothed
- Wow he is really skinny. Skinnier with clothes on somehow
- In this video he is smiling, which makes me see that there is something in him other than an obsessive Beyonce fan, and an amazing dancer. I like my Shanes smiling.

AND- a classmate of mine told me that she heard the choreographer of the dance, a male, is one of the back up dancers in B's video. Really? I watched it and I really don't see that being at all probable.

So, again, here we go- Shane in front of Beyonce on a big screen

Lastly- does ANYONE have Dereon jeans besides B and MAYBE Solange? Maybe Michelle and Kelly have some in their closets but have they ever been seen in them? Exactly. How long til we can buy them at T.J. Maxx?

An open letter to...Beyonce

Dear Beyonce,
Damn you for you infectious and catchy singles that lead me to assure my boyfriend to pay no mind to me walking around singing "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

That is all.
Thank you for your time.

The hills are alive with the sound of idiots.

The Hills had me all over the place this week and needing an airsickness bag. Let's start with Justin. When Justin referred to Venice Beach as "my side" of L.A. I wanted to wretch. I heart Venice Beach. I do not heart Justin. Even when he tries to be sweet by presenting Audrina with a shirt she liked he ruins the moment with "No bras with that!" And I think we all know what Audrina declaring he has a toothbrush at her place was--not a look! he almost lives here! but a pointed, hey, everybody, I know dude looks like a homeless biker but at least he keeps a toothbrush around (that she probably bought him anyway; the boy does have white teeth but I'm fairly certain they have people who take care of that). FYI, rocking a flat top hat over a hood is so fly. Men's Vogue, take note! All the boys will be copying that one! Oh and P.S. "Zenful" is not a word, nor does the attempt to create it make you look thoughtful or intelligent. It makes you look stupidful. Go figure.

Now over to the other man of the hour, Spencer. I wanted to wretch part 2 when for about three awful, stomach queasy seconds I...oh Jesus, here we go...I actually kind of felt...bad for him. (OK, that was hard, I need a minute...


ok, and we're back) when Heidi started blaming everything on him. No responsiblity for this girl! I'm annoyed she got her "job" back. What did she learn from this? Probably nothing! As she pouted while rocking a giant pink shawl look. She looked like an old lady baby combo. Actually I'm pretty sure the plastic surgery has given her perma-pout. No wonder she looks like a middle-aged botox baby crier. Anyway I got over feeling sorry for Spencer pretty fast. He makes it real easy when he uses phrases like "Stalker mom." Real punny, jackass. Props to Sam for the quote of the episode when speaking to Heidi in regards to Spencer: "That's YOUR problem."


Stay tuned for next week when the rumored Lauren/Justin hook up is addressed. I just need to get a hold of MTV to cancel the Hill's Aftershow and give us a blog roundtable on the matter.

R.I.P. Jess and Rory

Is anything sadder then the fateful last meeting of Jess and Rory in Philadelphia? How were we to know the actors would break up in real life, thusly robbing us of a Jess and Rory triumphant reunion? In my heart, they are together, somewhere. Probably on the East Coast. And she has a really great haircut...yeah, that sounds about right.

Monday, November 17, 2008

It's like you were my favorite drug

Looks like it's a Justin week. I was obsessed with this song earlier this year and was just pleasantly surprised with the video on Mtv. iTunes betta have this up quick. It's Hotness....although note that there's no kissing...apparently they had Chris Brown and Jessica Biel clauses in their contracts...now if I could only convince him to have an Alli clause.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Really? The Baldwin/Disney edtion

This is Stephen Baldwin and Miley Cyrus pointing out his Hannah Montana tattoo.

Um...OK.

I Got Sexy Legs

To know me is to know that I have a deep passionate obsession/love with Justin Timberlake. Last night, he made two special appearances on SNL and they were absolutely hilarious...as if I needed another reason to love him:



Love is all you need



It's no news flash that George Takei married his partner of 21 years, Brad Altman in September. At their wedding their table cards read, "May Sweet Equality Live Long and Prosper."

It's sad in this day and age that we can't just move on and let people live life:

Saturday, November 15, 2008

REALLY?

That one goes to me. Really? I have been sitting at my desk since 10:30 this morning "working on homework." It is now 7:00pm. I actually did homework from 4:30-5:30, at which point I decided I could be done with the formal desk stuff and do some research in front of the television.

I repeat, it is 7pm.

What happened to my day? This is going to be one of those weekends where I go to work on Monday and everyone asks "how was your weekend??" and I honestly answer "I don't remember."

I am "doing homework" all day tomorrow too, so let's hope it goes better. Seriously- welcome to my life.

Friday, November 14, 2008

OW!

My old co-worker who went to Africa for awhile told me about this last winter and I watched it numerous times and laughed my ass off and I totally forgot about it until now, we saw it on a random commercial today. I maintain that it's hi-larious, while Mick maintains that it's not. I win though because seriously, what's cuter then kids? Kids with british accents acting goofy! If a puppy popped his head in the frame at the end it would be the ultimate in entertainment!

Wait...if it's not YOUR son, whose son IS it?

OK, I saw Changeling and it was good but not what I expected, which was to say, Angelina Jolie looking old-school glam (love the clothes, love the finger-wave bob hair, love the deep dark red painted lips...) comes home, her kid is missing, months later the police say here's your kid! and she says no it's not! and it would go from there. Which it was, and which it did, but when it went from there...man, it went. It got me riled up about women's rights and the police and deplorable psych ward conditions, and THEN there was this completely unexpected thing at a farm with a chicken coop...All right. That's all I'll say. It won't do to spoil it should you choose to see it. It is worth seeing, in my humble opinion. Angelina Jolie did do an excellent job. And those clothes! That hair! Those deep dark red lips! Seriously. I mean, seriously.

He ain't no hollaback girrrrl

One of my fav things about Gilmore Girls is how music is such a big thing (remember the troubadours taking over the town square much to Taylor's chagrin?). Today's morning re-run was a prime example, like Rory getting ready to "Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth and Joel from The Brian Jonestown Massacre making a tambourine cameo. But by far the best part, and what could possibly be included on a Top Ten Gilmore Moments List, was Sebastian Bach's rendition of "Hollaback Girl." What other show would have the genius to have the lead singer of Skid Row doing a word-perfect cover of Gwen Stefani? Bonus points for lauding the girl power in it after. And the Hava Nagilia after that (did I mention it was at a bat mitzvah? Brilliant!) didn't suck either. I have a special place for the old Hava in my heart ever since our catholic school chorus class sang it at our spring recital. Having a future Jewish sister-in-law means I have a rocking Jewish wedding to look forward to and best believe, I will be rocking it. Hmmm, I wonder if Sebastian is free...
Runner-up for best moment was the possible creation of CandyShipBattleLand.

Gilmore quote of the day: "You're way deep in my bogus bag and it's ziplocked shut." Mr. Bach, natch.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Stick to books, Clancy!

All right, let me tell you what commercial freaks me out: the one for Tom Clancy's video game "Endgame," which is apparently about the world ending. So it shows graphics from the game, the world about to end and whatnot. The thing that irks me is that over it, they play this old song about the end of the world, only it's actually about a relationship ending. And it's the exact same song Brittney Murphy's character in Girl, Interrupted puts on repeat on her record player when she kills herself and Winona Ryder finds her body. So everytime I see the commercial, I think of that part of the movie, and I get weirded out, and then I realize I'm watching a commercial for some stupid video game. The song isn't even about the world actually ending! It's from the 50's or something, they didn't sing songs about that sh*t! Lame, Tom Clancy video game commercial. Hella lame.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Gilmore Quote of the Day


Lorelai: You got nice Mass-ass!

Luke: A what?

Lorelai: Massachusetts ass!



Extra QotD: "I'm thinking I should be a drug dealer 'cause then I could buy all the (Gilmore) dvd's and be home in the afternoons to watch them on TV." -Mick-

I am...Goofy.

Apparently, Beyonce's new CD will be called "I am...Sasha Fierce." It will consist of two discs with...a total of 11 songs. That would be five songs on one CD and six on the other.

Sasha Fierce.
11 songs spread over 2 CD's.

Really?
REALLY?

Dude's body is bangin!

My friend Coley sent this to me and it's way too something not to share...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Buckets, or boxes?

OK, so, did anybody else watch The Tom Green Show on MTV? Actually that's misleading. Did anybody else ever SEE The Tom Green Show? I saw like one episode, and somehow managed to catch that one episode twice. Every once in awhile, like tonite at work, random parts of it pop into my head. The first is when he started yelling about how he found out where babies come from and then proceeded to run out of a cave clutching armfuls of plastic baby dolls yelling, "I like to THROW them!" and then, of course, proceeding to throw them. Specifically at cars. I think one of them knocked a guy's hood ornament off.

The other was this really weird Man On The Street kind of thing, I can't remember the entire set-up, but I do recall him asking people, repeatedly, "Buckets or boxes?" And then he'd say "Will it stick?" and try to glue something to a 2 by 4 and then yell, "It stuck!" So at work, all night, in my head, I could hear Tom Green yelling, "Buckets or boxes? Buckets or boxes? Will it stick? IT STUCK!" And every once in awhile an "I like to THROW them!" would sneak in there. It was actually really hard not to walk around asking people, "Buckets or boxes?" And then I think he had a globe and would point out places on it to a manhole cover telling it where he was going to send it to. I tried to find either skit on Utube but lost patience really fast.

Andy Milonakis had some real Tom Green potential. The only skits I remember from that is his own Man On The Street where he said, "Know what I'm sayin?" to random people over and over again. Sometimes I pull that and it really annoys people. The other one, and this is truly a classic, I did manage to find here for you viewing pleasure:

King of the road

I watched Into the Wild with Kate and our friend Leah this weekend; neither of them had seen it before. I saw it in the theaters with my dad and the bf. It broke my damn heart. I feel like a poser because I still haven't read the book. I mean you go between agreeing with some of the things that he says and thinks and does and then you just want to slap him for a bunch of it. After we watched it this particular weekend I did some reading up on the film and the book (I do love Wikipedia and IMDB) but Kate did me one better and found this article from Outside mag. If you like the movie it's definitely worth a read. And one day I'll read the book too.

I bet Rory Gilmore has read it.
Oh, Rory.

It's the one thing that I've known

Like Rory Gilmore, I too live in a world of books. I read often and try to get through books quickly because I always have an ever-growing pile awaiting me.

Last year, I was introduced to a series, the first of which is called 'Twilight' and it was recently brought to my attention that I have yet to blog about it. I highly recommend reading these but as they are young adult books, I'm sure many of you will scoff and decide that they're not worthy. Well I'm here to tell you that you're nuts.

Now I will admit, they are not great literature, but they are such fun reads. The basis is a love story that isn't quite natural (especially if you love werewolves). I don't want to give anything away but I'll just say that there's a human girl and a flirtation with a boy who we'll say is less than human. The movie based on Twilight comes out next friday (11/21) and you best believe I'll blog about it that weekend. I just thought I'd give the heads up to those of you who'd maybe want to read it first.

Just a word of warning: More than likely once you read the first you'll probably be inclined to shut yourself in your home and read the other three. The series has been know to induce obsessive behavior.

The vid is a song from the soundtrack by Rob Pattinson who plays the lead male role and may be better known to you all (except Alison, as she is crazy) as Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter:

It all started with the Big Bang




"I would like one in the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's light saber before it was digitally remastered" -Sheldon from 'The Big Bang Theory' when asked what color car he'd like-

Monday, November 10, 2008

You are the company you keep

Touche Brent. When he bitch slapped Heidi with that comment, it was the high point of the episode. I didn't have much of a reaction to the rest of the episode. In fact, I did a crossword the entire time and was still able to keep up with all the dramz.

I'm so over Heidi and Spencer's obviously fake conversations. I also could care less about her being stressed about her 'job'. If she were really feeling the stress you know I wouldn't be seeing girlfriend in the newest YSL ankle boots. Shit they are hot. The one good thing about her is her taste in shoes.

Ok, back to the show. I felt that this episodes purpose was just an intro for The City (Whitney's new spin-off). I can't say exactly what my feelings are about the new show yet. I'm glad I'll get to feed my addiction of prying into someone's life but I feel like Whitney is a little boring, which probably means she's hella cool in person. I did feel a little bad for the model dude standing off to the side watching as singer dude swooped in and took Whitney from him. Nothing like losing a love interest...while the whole country is watching.

Basically, my biggest concern is this: Where the F was Lauren!? I realize she was on the show, but I want to see her more than just egging Whit into a hot hook up in the city. There are only a few episodes left so she'd better get her boyfriend to sign that release asap. Cause I mean really Lauren, what is more important, my happiness or your relationship's privacy?

p.s. I'd like to know why no one else watches The Big Bang Theory? It's seriously one of the funniest shows I've seen. More to come on this...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Hateration, Holleration

Percolate: 1. When your body convulses after an orgasm 2. to get something started 3. to make coffee in a "perculator" coffee machine

This is a real word, though I can't quite pin point what rappers mean when they say it. I think it's one of those generic slang words that mean different things to different users. My definition is this (At 1:25 it gets really good.):

How did we get here?

Vh1 has a show called Real Chance at Love. This is a show in which "Real" and "Chance," spurned suitors of "New York," try to find other skanks to hook up with--I mean, fine women to love. They were unceremoniously dumped by New York on a show called I Love New York. New York was a spurned suitor of Flava Flav! on the show Flavor of Love. Flavor of Love came about after things didn't pan out for Flav and Brigitte Neilsen (of Rocky 4 fame) on Strange Love. Strange Love came about after the two hooked up on...The Surreal Life!


Thanks a lot, Surreal Life.
Thanks a whole f*ing lot.

Stay tuned for next week when I try to come up with the root of evil behind Celeb Rehab. I'm fairly certain I can trace it back to the mid-90's...Hey! Rodney King is on this season! Oh snap!

My work here is done.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Putting the M in missing in action

All right, all right. I used to be all "I liked that song before it blew up!" when I was younger but I got over it. I think it's a-right that M.I.A. has new-found success with "Paper Planes" being big and all. I would still jam to it when it came on the radio...IF they didn't insist on replacing the gun sounds with what sounds suspiciously like a monster truck being revved. Then I just have to turn it. Or pop in the CD and jam to the actual version, thankyouverymuch. So I like songs with gun shots! So what! I'm a product of my society! And I like to rock out! Help a sister out, people.

Mark it!

Lost starts again on Wednesday, January 21 with the the episodes "Because you left" and "The lie."

Finally! My life has gone too long without being ruined on a weekly basis!


Friday, November 7, 2008

O.P.U. is O.F.F.

OK- now that every news station (and not so news-y station) is jumping on the Obama Puppy bandwagon, I am stepping off.

Seriously- where were they four plus months ago when we first heard about the Obamas getting a pup after the election? I waited patiently with Malia and Sasha as our main issue was swept under the rug and all we heard was "blah blah economy, blah blah change, blah blah maverick."

And now that we have a presidential elect in office and we could be focusing on the hard hitting news like who is gonna make sure the cow hide rugs and long horns are out of the Oval Office, all we hear is "blah blah puppy, blah blah hypoallergenic."

Sorry world, you'll have to get your puppy news from one of 6,748 people covering this story.

Pardon me, are you dead or just very not tan?

Kate brought my attention to this. It's f'in creepy. When there's about 16 seconds left look over Gramp's shoulder. Scurry!

Proof #501 Paul Rudd rules

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I just can't shave it, that's all.





So I'm getting a haircut tomorrow and through the magic of google images I realized something--Shannyn Sossaman is gorgeous. She doesn't do much really, the last thing I saw her in that was awesome was a super small part in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (which is hi-larious) and the last thing I saw her in that suuucked was, of course, One Missed Call (which I only watched because I knew it was going to suuuuck). Check her out though. Can I pull this hair off? Hmmm...She has a stylist I bet. See, I want to look like this without someone having to prep me every morning. I'm a pretty restless sleeper and I hate to brush my hair--that should do it, right? The messy look? And then if I brush it it would look like this:

cheater, cheater, not pumpkin...drinker

OK. Confession time. I spend way too much money at Starbucks (I can't help it! There's one down the hall from work!) and stopped in after work to get some fuel for the ride home. And I know I should have gotten the pumpkin spice latte cause I always baby-cry after they take it away. But I just wanted to TRY the espresso truffle and oh good lord, it's like drinking liquid chocolate. I'm a cheater! Sorry pumpkin spice. I'll alternate!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I best not catch this flick on you...er...whoops

Too good for words:




Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sex, all right

The new Mtv show "Sex...with Mom and Dad" completely weirds me out. I get that it's good for teens to be able to discuss sex with an adult as opposed to their equally uninformed friends, I've actually talked to quite a few kids about sex (I work in a school, I'm not just a creepy sex talker). One thing I think is fabulous is that they show how to use condoms on every episode I've seen. Mostly, I just think how in depth it is is awkward. I mean, I'm 25 and I never need to know about my moms sexual turn ons and I definately don't EVER need my dad to show me how to use a dental dam. I'd like to thank my 'rents for never crossing the line. Thanks for not sharing!

Election's over. Now back to business!

Lo: Oh, Justin Bobby.
Lauren: A man so great he needed 2 names.

How cute is Audrina's sister? And how smart? Let's ask her to move in instead of Justin! The Hills has a tradition of wise co-workers and sisters. Like when Heidi starts talking about inviting everyone she knows and her (former!) co-worker seemed like she was politely disagreeing. Maybe they should get their own spin-off show. I mean if the Hills really do have eyes...perhaps these are the eyes, my friends.

Note to Stephanie: Acting surprised when Lauren says she was separating her things from Audrina's then saying she saw Audrina and heard she was getting a house...little awkward.
Also, saying that Spencer likes Justin and maybe that's the new crew put a little fear in my heart. Spencer with Justin as his flunky? Can Obama putting the kibosh on this make the new agenda?

Really? REALLY?

Note to Kate: Alaska move is off.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Yes, We Can

Was Barack's answer when the Obama girls asked if they could get a puppy.

I remember hearing that the Obamas were getting a puppy after the election and I have been on the edge of my seat ever since. I wonder what kind of puppy they will get? I wonder what they will name it?? Just think- that puppy got name checked during the presidential acceptance speech for the 44th president of these united states. That puppy is going to be totally boss.

I will make sure to keep the blog updated with any further Obama puppy updates. I'll call it the OPU. Remember it.

HOORAY!

When thanking his daughters in his acceptance speech, Obama mentioned bringing a puppy to the White House. Which means...
Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones were right! The answer is...PUPPIES!

Puppies.
Good work, America.

When we allow freedom to ring...



Congrats America! Let's see what we can do!


Text from M: "I hope McCain leaned to her right before the speech and whispered, "This is all your fault." -referring to Sarah "the devil in harsh bronzer" Palin-

What is this strange, pride-like feeling?

I haven't ever experienced this- it's like a joyful swelling of my heart. Forgive my ignorance but I am new here. I have never had the honor to vote for the president-elect of the US.

What a frackin' haul this was- but damn what a result. I am so excited to see what will happen with this leadership and I feel truly lucky to be here for this. Wow.

John McCain's concession speech (is that the right word? Like a concession stand?) was really good- he is pretty classy, my friends.

Sarah Palin's tears during McCain's speech- at first they were endearing and then just started to bug me. But I am not holding it against her.

Awaiting Franken/Coleman.

OOOH! Oprah and Steadman! GOTTA GO!!!!!!!!!!

Flesh Beard

"Anne Hathaway is America's Cinderella as Spencer Pratt is America's doucherella." -Conan O'Brien-

Nostalgia: the Britney edition

OK, so, I went to Starbucks in the free half hour between Gilmore Girls (in which Logan is sooo smarmy and condescending to Jess who as always looks gorge, did I add I'm thinking of writing a book on the show using some good-old fashioned literary theory) and The Hills, which ended up taking longer then planned (and oh lord, when I first got there they had signs for the Christmas drinks up already and I was so freaked that the pumpkin latte was gone but it's still there hooray) so I decided to go vote right after (did you vote yet?) and come home to watch The Hills on-line then figured out that it would be on again tomorrow directly AFTER Gilmore Girls and THEN I realized that Crossroads was on Bravo.

Oh my gosh, Crossroads.
Do you remember that movie? Britney back in her golden days and I literally mean golden as in her hair? I totally rocked that movie in the theaters. Twice. I have no idea why. I forgot how ridiculous it is. So of course I'm totally rewatching it. Mick sat on the couch by me and we watched in silence for a few minutes before I finally said, "Don't ask. Just don't ask." He left shortly after. Girls, this is how you drive a man away if need be. I forgot how Britney ALWAYS saves the day (Briteny diagnoses the cracked radiator, Britney stops fights, Britney steps in to win the karoke contest, Britney nabs the keys to drive the car then cools down the hot driver dude when he has a hissy fit because his car is all he has left that hasn't been taken over by girls, Britney mediates peace between the warring nations in the middle east...you get the idea). And how when cute dude asks to hear one of her poems she agrees basically right away. Child please! Don't just go around giving it way for free! Here's the thing about the plot that just screams contrived: They go to L.A. so the pregnant Taryn Manning character can compete in a singing competition and WHO ends up doing all the singing?

In conclusion, this was Britney's first and last movie. I say it's time for her to make a cinematic comeback. In a horror film. Maybe I'll write it for her. We'll see.

PS Note that the first paragraph was a run-on, which I believe I had a request for...

Monday, November 3, 2008

Johnmccainhatescandyeaters.com

A customer at work told me today about a woman in Michigan who on Halloween refused to give candy to children whose parents were planning to vote for Obama.

Is this the kind of man we want running our country? A man who inspires people to deny candy to innocent children?

Barrack Obama: Because candy is awesome.

Quote of the day, work edition

Alison to her manager regarding some table tents: Which way do they go again?
Her manager: Black on the left, brown on the right.
Alison: Um...my left?
Her manager: Yeah, on your left as you're looking at it. Just remember what Beyonce says--to the left, to the left.

I don't think he'll ever forgive me for naming him Justin Bobby

Ok, I just watched the Hills and the Hills after show. I usually don't watch the aftershow, but I left it on while I jumped online. It was actually kind of amusing, and would be more so if I didn't have to see the viewers at home waving stupid signs and screaming on their horrible webcams, but that is beside the point.

Tonights episode revolved around Audrina moving and Heidi being booted out from her job. I will begin with Heidi. My first thought about her being fired was: Who cares? I mean we all know these girls are not at 'real jobs' but at places that like free press and will allow them to film inside their establishments. With that being said, doesn't it speak volumes that Brent B. would rather choose to can Heidi than deal with her and her aforementioned free publicity? I'm so over her and her ridiculously made up look that that's all I can say before I start ranting.

Now onto Audrina moving out. I totally support her moving. She's starting to do some 'work' in movies so I think it's great that she becomes independent. Also, we all know she hated living in the back house, so she stuck up for herself and left a situation that wasn't good for her. God she's so smart sticking up for herself and getting rid of bad roommates...wait did she just ask JustinBobby to live with her? Seriously, Audrina, what up? Can you really expect something from a person who you've kinda sorta dated for 4 frickin years but still refuses to say the word boyfriend? Really! Really? How many hall passes does he get? I bet he'll be a great roommate. Maybe, in between the skeezies he brings home, he'll wash the dishes. Maybe it'll be as often as he showers. Ugh, does this not say so much about our generation of women? Though, maybe I shouldn't get ahead of myself (or the shows' self). Maybe I should just take JB's words of advice: "Let it just happen and see what happens..." Thanks Genius!

To end, I'd like to plead to the show to put more LC in. I realize she has a boyfriend now who has no interest in being on the Hills but I'd take a fake date over a fake firing any day.