The hills are alive with the sound of idiots.

The Hills had me all over the place this week and needing an airsickness bag. Let's start with Justin. When Justin referred to Venice Beach as "my side" of L.A. I wanted to wretch. I heart Venice Beach. I do not heart Justin. Even when he tries to be sweet by presenting Audrina with a shirt she liked he ruins the moment with "No bras with that!" And I think we all know what Audrina declaring he has a toothbrush at her place was--not a look! he almost lives here! but a pointed, hey, everybody, I know dude looks like a homeless biker but at least he keeps a toothbrush around (that she probably bought him anyway; the boy does have white teeth but I'm fairly certain they have people who take care of that). FYI, rocking a flat top hat over a hood is so fly. Men's Vogue, take note! All the boys will be copying that one! Oh and P.S. "Zenful" is not a word, nor does the attempt to create it make you look thoughtful or intelligent. It makes you look stupidful. Go figure.

Now over to the other man of the hour, Spencer. I wanted to wretch part 2 when for about three awful, stomach queasy seconds I...oh Jesus, here we go...I actually kind of felt...bad for him. (OK, that was hard, I need a minute...


ok, and we're back) when Heidi started blaming everything on him. No responsiblity for this girl! I'm annoyed she got her "job" back. What did she learn from this? Probably nothing! As she pouted while rocking a giant pink shawl look. She looked like an old lady baby combo. Actually I'm pretty sure the plastic surgery has given her perma-pout. No wonder she looks like a middle-aged botox baby crier. Anyway I got over feeling sorry for Spencer pretty fast. He makes it real easy when he uses phrases like "Stalker mom." Real punny, jackass. Props to Sam for the quote of the episode when speaking to Heidi in regards to Spencer: "That's YOUR problem."


Stay tuned for next week when the rumored Lauren/Justin hook up is addressed. I just need to get a hold of MTV to cancel the Hill's Aftershow and give us a blog roundtable on the matter.