We all scream for screaming

Sometimes, when you're utlra lazy, even to the point where the remote is literally right next to you but eh, you can't really be bothered to pick it up and channel surf, you end up watching things you hadn't planned on watching. Example: how I am started watching Scream Queens on Vh1. Normally I would not condone this, mainly because the winner gets a role on Saw 6 which I definitely do not condone (as much as I did not condone Saw 2, Saw 3, Saw 4, and even--wait for it--Saw 5). But anyway the first segment of the show had a challenge where all the contestants took turns popping out of a pool of fake blood (hello, Descent!) and giving a stirring speech to...something. The air, I guess. Some speech about vengence. Anyway of course they go to the contestants talking about it. One of them said something about, "Who do I hate the most? Oh yeah, myself!" so apparently she was drawing inspiration on taking revenge against...herself. Um, OK. There's Drama Queen and there's Baby Crier. Just ask the next contestant who got all emo because she imagined she was addressing her father. Of course! Dude was in and out jail and that gave her the inspiration to deliever a speech with a shaky voice while wearing a bikini in a pool of corn syrup. Nice work, ladies. How do I get on this show? I want to deliever a powerhouse performance inspired by that pony I never got because I forgot to ask for it. Let's face it, me in a bikink is scream-worthy enough of an idea anyway. (See, I got some Baby Crier in me.)