My text to Alison and Kari this morning: "Please don't vomit on your phone, but Fargo native Abbie Noah aka 'Corn Fed' won Real's heart last night on Real Chance of Love."

A few questions. Why does the Fargo Forum insist on publishing this stuff like it's great news we should be proud of? Why Corn Fed? I don't think we have an inordinate amount of corn here. It should've been something like 'Mosquito Bitten' or 'Winter Induced Suicide'. Much more appropriate Real and Chance. (Who am I kidding, you're probably just trying to give them worse names than you were given). What will her show be called when their love predictably sour? Corn Fed's Husking of Love? I'm done.