The real Slim Shady?

I've long been annoyed at Eminem for wasting his talent as a rapper on a) making homophobic remarks, b) whining endlessly about his ma, and c) always poking fun at celebs for reasons that make no sense. One of these celebs is Mariah Carey. Now, normally I can leave her rather than take her, but I do give her props for giving him a dig back by dressing up as him for her new video and taking some shots of her own. Let's just hope he doesn't retaliate by dressing up as her. No one needs to see that shiz!

Juno did it better.

So for lack of anything better being on, I decide to check out MTV's 16 and Pregnant and frankly, it is depressing as all hell. Farrah is a cheerleader. I missed the beginning but figure out that she's not with the father anymore. And her ties with the old cheerleading squad quickly go downhill when they won't stop talking about her. Wha? Your popular high school cheerleading friends are talking about you? My goodness! Luckily Tyler the male gay cheerleader is in her corner. She goes with him on his tanning appointment to complain about how these girls are supposed to be leaders. You would know! ("Cheer followers," Tyler cheekily says, the first person in history to be sooo cleva.)

Then she takes her mom to Perkins (I missed where it takes place but it's feeling a little mid-westerny) to let her know "We're keeping the baby." We, of course, meaning Mom gets to help. You can tell Mom wishes there was some parental act that could order Farrah to drop the baby off at the corner orphanage. And that she's so pleased to have conversations like when will we schedule your senior pictures? and Farrah informs her she doesn't plan on having a puffy face after birth. Good plan! Why don't more pregnant women take that frame of mind? Then going to high school gets too stressful so they decide she better drop out of that and take classes at the local community college. On-line, preferably, so she doesn't have to see people. Awesome.

MTV itself makes the program of course fun to look at by adding illustartions drawn on lined paper, like one of Farrah running away from the cheerleading squad. At least they aren't imposing emo pop punk on me as it goes along...oh wait.

At the baby shower she voices over how everyone is starting to get really excited about it (whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetie), and it reminds her how in a short time she's going to be a mom...then the next scene is her waking up and yelling "Mom! I think my water just broke!" Turns out dad's out of town and her big sis is sick so it's just Farrah and Mom having the baby. You can tell Mom is real thrilled. Especially when she starts crying after speaking to her husband, much to the annoyance of Farrah, who I actually kind of want to slap. Oh, MTV. Am I finally starting to outgrow you? Did she just apologize to everyone for having to look at her crotch during labor? Did she just say she's never held a baby before?

In the second half, of course, we see how she never gets to leave the house and her mom won't help her. Then in a bizarre turn of events Farrah decides she needs a car because she feels trapped in her own house, but her mom isn't really down. Eventually they go car shopping which somehow results in them fighting, during which her mother informs her that she's "Tired of her anti-Christ attitude." I'm not actually sure what the means but it ends in Farrah getting out of the car and calling her grandparents who take her car shopping instead.

It ends with Farrah talking about what she's learned, showing baby pics, yadda yadda yadda, then saying "Peace out." And me sort of feeling like I need a stiff drink. And maybe I need to stop saying Peace out as well.

Who's the real monster?

According to a recent tweet by Lush cosmetics there was one person killed by a shark in 2007. On the other hand there were around 100,000,000 sharks killed by people. Apparently shark's PR people are failing miserably.

See ya in another life Brotha

It's a strange thing when I celebrity dies. There are news flashes, remembrances, and all day marathons of their work. It's like a version of a wake or prayer service for a person you loved but didn't even know. It's a whole other type of loss. When Heath Ledger died, I couldn't watch his movies for a good six months and once I finally watched The Dark Knight, I truly had to fight back tears upon hearing his voice.

Today, though, I lost someone beyond just a famous person I enjoyed. I lost someone who has given me the soundtrack for quite a large part of my life. I had "We are the world" on vinyl, watched the making of "Thriller" every Halloween, and one year for Christmas all I wanted was "Bad" and spent the rest of vacation memorizing every lyric (much to the dismay of my family). I was just truly a fan. I never really cared about his antics or plastic face. I just wanted more music, more originality, more him (even when it wasn't that great).

And after all of that I've been slightly annoyed while being inundated with texts and Facebook status RIP's from random people. I don't want to gossip about it and I keep feeling like it's my loss, a personal loss. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but now I think I understand. I am coming to the age where I will start seeing people from my childhood pass on and Michael is my very first icon that I've lost. He is among one of the first musical voices I heard and definitely the first that swept me away.

I'm not sure what else to say and I'm not even sure if it's really sunken in yet. It's a sad day in music, but at least people are back to talking about his music once again. Maybe Will.i.Am put it best when he said, "...I wouldn't be surprised if the world stopped spinning tomorrow."

I'll leave you with my top MJ songs...

1. Dirty Diana
2. Smooth Criminal
3. Billie Jean
4. Rock with you
5. P.Y.T
6. Black or White
7. Remember the time
8. They don't care about us
9. Ease on down the road (from The Wiz)
10. Human Nature

Game time!

One of the ways in which I like to express my annoyance at things is the old "I liked that...when it was this!" comparison. Like whenever we see a commercial for this show on NBC called The Listener about a dude who can hear people's thoughts, Mick gets to hear me say, "I liked The Listener...when it was called What Women Want!" My new favorite example I hauled out while in Texas involves a new MTV gem and goes like this: "I liked 16 and Pregnant...when it was called The Secret Life of the American Teenager!...when it was called Juno!" Kate did me one better by adding the forgotten Kirsten Dunst made-for-tv gem "...when it was called Fifteen and Pregnant!" I smell a board game based on our blog, ladies!

Self censor still broken

Once again, the wonder of texting (not a word for word recreation, but close enough)...
Alli: There is a place in LA that sells a bacon covered donut.
Alison: There's a heart attack waiting to happen.
Alli: What are you talking about? Fatty protein and deep fried sugar is the basis of a waist shrinking diet.
Alison: Maybe if you're Steph Pratt.
Alli: Wow.
Alison: Too soon?

I want to go to there.

Do yourself une favore and check out this link to IMDB's posted pics of Tim Burton's upcoming release (2010, can you hurry up please? Oh, and also Where The Wild Things Are? to tide me over til then?) of his telling of Alice in Wonderland. Anne Hathaway looks goregous in her photo. As for Johnny Depp...well, see for yourself.

Oscars: Now with 50% more!

In yet another attempt to feel less old/outdated, The Oscars have decided to expand their Best Pic category. Doubling it, to be exact: where there were once 5 noms, there will now be 10. The change is supposedly to give more chances to smaller films, foreign films, and films that do well at the box office but tend to get snubbed. This would have been more helpful last year when it came to things like The Dark Knight and Gran Torino (whose exclusion caused a boycott from my aunts; I know see why having just watched it recently). I'll tell you this much for free, the nanosecond Micheal Hack Bay sneaks in with this new clause, I am outta there, fashion or no.

I like when other people love animals too

This video warms my heart. (Check out the animal control guy's shirt)

Flame, the next Sex Panther

Looks like I'm holding up this blog for the next few days all alone. It's a lot of pressure but I think I can do it.

Now that summer is here finally, we all start changing certain things about our everyday. We wear lighter fabrics, brighter colors, etc. I myself change up my scents usually. I recently sampled on from Benefit but I'm wondering if I'm going to wrong direction. The UK's Burger Kings have come up with something a little out of the ordinary. A scent with a "subtle hint of flame-grilled beef." Meet: Flame!

Why did I subscribe to US weekly online?!

Everyday I get urgent emails about Jon and Kate or Ashlee and Pete and you know what? I loves it. It takes up extra time but I almost always click at least one of the links. Today I clicked three:

T.R. Knight is for sure leaving Grey's Anatomy. Sad but not a shocker.

Jon and Kate are making an important announcement. I already saw the commercial and I already set a reminder to watch the stupid show.

And this one. Why am I continually apalled at Spencer's behavior? I should just expect it.

FYI

What I'll be reading on the way to Texas.

How many times has this happened to you?

I mean really.  It's the age old story of girl goes in for a few little star tattoos on her face and ends up with 56.  Happens to the best of us.  

WTF 2?

Ugh, guh-ross! Kristen Stewart chopped off her lovely brown locks and went for a Joan Jett mop. When she pulls it back, it's not so odd, but who cuts their hair to have it pinned up all the time. I do not appreciate the mullet-ish look at all and even more I don't like that it's accompanied by very 'rocker-ish' ensembles. She's a pretty girl, why oh why would she do this. I guess she'll get Drew Barrymore points for the balls to try something weird.

WTF?

I'm all for creative expression, especially through makeup, but this...at
Bonnaroo? I'm not sure I'm that into it.

JT, I love you.

I saw this on Mr. JT's website:



I've never been much of a celebrity blog reader, but his is kind of amusing. There was also a link to this.

Batgirl don't look!

I just posted this 'cause they both look hot and I'm so excited to see Revenge of the Fallen.

Go Bruce!

It is weird to see "reality stars" in situations not related to their reality show. I was over at Us Weekly and for some unknown reason clicked on an article about how Bruce, Demi and Ashton are "like a tribe now." Great for them, being good parents and friends. I vaguely remembered that Bruce got married, but the article taught me a little something about the new Mrs. Willis (her friends call her Emma).

When she and Bruce met, she was engaged to none other than Mrs. Pratt's boss, Brent Bolthouse! I never thought I would say this, but Bruce Willis rocks. I love that she was engaged to Brent and left him for Bruce. I am just having trouble reconciling the fact that Brent Bolthouse exists outside of my television. That one's going to take awhile.

Side note- my brother has long claimed "Bruce" to be the number one manliest name ever. I am not sure if I agree with that 100% but its stock is rising!

Internet Killed the Reality Star

This post is a long time in the making.  Hopefully I can keep it succinct! 

I am in to the "lifestyle" type reality shows (as opposed to the competition style).  They provide cheap entertainment and a nice little escape.  I also enjoy the internet quite a bit (particularly the gossip wing of the internet).  But- the trouble comes when these two pastimes collide.  

Obviously, a big part of the appeal to these reality shows is that I am watching real people who, presumably, would be doing these things whether or not a camera was present.  But then the internet comes along to ruin everything by telling what these people are "really" doing when the cameras are off.  I always want to believe what I am being told by the shows I enjoy but the g-d web is constantly butting in with a cyber "nuh-uh! that's not what they're doing!" 

One of my first experiences with this was the Hills.  My incredibly supportive bro Mick constantly made fun of me and told me how fake it was.  I denied it, argued with him, all that, and now even the people on that show aren't holding on to any illusion that their reality show is real.  

The most recent example of this is Jon and Kate Plus 8.  I will admit that I enjoy(ed) the show, mostly because the kids are cute (except for one of the twins- she is SO irritating.  I wouldn't have given her water either, Kate). My enjoyment faded a bit when they moved in to their huge house- there is room for everyone to do their own thing (and for Jon and Kate to ignore each other) and I feel like there isn't as much face time with all the kids together.  Whatever, I can deal.  But then, Us Weekly comes around and sticks their big telephoto lens where it shouldn't belong and starts shooting off their mag about who is doing what when.  This just makes me mad (at the media and the fam).  For several reasons:

1. Don't cheat! Come on!

2. If you are on a reality show it should be part of your job to do all you can to support the "reality" you are feeding us.  If you don't, get out of the spotlight and off my TV.  

3. I feel bad that these kids are followed everywhere by cameras, though it was clearly brought on by their parents.  Us Weekly- can you just leave kids alone? Watching the season premier was really hard because I started feeling bad for the family and then I felt guilty for reading the exact same publications and websites that were profiting from their constant surveillance.  I do not want to feel bad for checking out usmagazine.com or picking up a magazine at the Target checkout.  (Special thanks to Brett who quickly talked me down after I guiltily said "I shouldn't buy those magazines anymore!")

4. The show has become vague references to what the gossip media is saying, awkward "confessionals" and pity for the kids who have to live it.  Cuz I think at least that part is true. 

Thanks internet.  

Speaking of drums...

I was eating dinner with my 'rents a few nights ago and my father was talking about how he and my mom apparently watch late night talk shows now. He was listing all the great performances they've seen lately and decided we needed to watch them on youtube while we eat. We watched Green Day, Black Eye Peas (my dad thought he should tell me which one Will.I.Am is), and Mos Def. I was sort of laughing inside because I've obviously heard all of these songs before...but wait...not the Mos Def song and seriously, it rules. He plays two timpani drums while rapping. Why are people like Mos and Common so often ignored in the hip hop world while other people (ahem Diddy and Kanye) get accolades for being d bags?

I like drums.

This is the song I am currently obsessed with. It's called "Percussion Gun" and when I have money I will happily purchase the White Rabbits CD that it's on; until such time I rely on my love of Itunes and the Current to give me a fix.

Umm...OK: The China Edition

Don't you just hate it when someone is thinking about jumping off a bridge and it blocks up traffic? Hey! Give 'em a hand! It worked for some dudes in China!...Well, almost.

P-P-P-Pretty face

Lady Gaga unmasked and thank god. I love eccentric style and bright pink lipstick but sometimes girl, enough is enough. Lady was spotted on a beach with her boyfriend wearing no makeup and sporting flip-flops and you know what? She looks normal. Not just normal, but pretty (although that suit/top combo will give her weird tan lines). I personally think that most of the time she looks like a drag queen (and not in a good way) when she's all done up (there's a pic of that as well). Shout out for the less is more look!

Oh, that's too bad.

Paris Hilton and Doug What's-His-Last-Name broke up. Now I can stop holding back the bile in my throat when I see pictures of them together. It's sad, though, I mean I read her saying things about he was her best friend, and how they could totally end up getting married...Hmmm, come to think of it, she said all those things when she was dating a Madden brother, I can't remember which one. Benji maybe? And they didn't last either. Huh. Oh well!

Shoe-in

Have you seen ads for this Friction Block stick? Supposedly you put it on the spots of your feet that would get ravaged by a new pair of strappy sandals or ankle breaking heels and it doesn't hurt. Goes on clear, forms a protective barrier. I read some reviews on-line and it was a mixed bag. Personally, I think part of being a woman is knowing that sometimes you're going to have to break in shoes and it's going to hurt. Granted I make it a point to rarely rock such shoes so maybe if it were more of a thing in my life I might purchase it. But blisters build character, right? Right? Plus let's face it, $6 is like a flip flop splurge for me and bandaids are cheap. Footware isn't really an investment for me...those shoes are cute though! AND organic! Payless has 'em. I may have to check it out. They seem fairly foot friendly.

This has been product placement, shoes edition, with batgirl. You may go about your business now.

Interactive wardrobe

So the U.S. Postal service or somebody totally screwed me out of my May Vogue which, hello, I had to have since it had a focus on models and, hello, I've always wanted to be one. So of course I contacted customer service and asked for a late copy and of course they complied.

Now in this particular issue they featured an article on something called Closet Couture. When I started the article they started describing something that sounded exactly like the part in Clueless where Cher sits down at her computer to peruse her wardrobe and pick an outfit out. Then the article referenced this exact same part and I thought, OK, article, you now have my full attention.

So here's how the site works: you register and upload your entire wardrobe (I imagine one must clear their schedule to take pics of all their clothes, and all their shoes, and their jewelry...) which then becomes visible to everyone else registered. From there you can then compile possible outfits, pass them on to your friends, and they can rate it. This is actually pretty cool as there have been several times I've sent frantic group emails to the girls trying to describe what it is I'm wearing to get advice. You can also peruse other people's wardrobes, people you don't even know, and send them wardrobe suggestions. AND you can consult the site's stylists with questions and for services. For example the writer of the article paid a fee to have them "pack" her suitcase for an upcoming trip. Plus if you make one too many catty/uncalled for remarks, you get kicked off the site, which would be nice for when random stranger checks out your closet and tells you your taste sucks or something.

I checked it out online a bit. I don't have a what I consider an extensive enough wardrobe to join, plus I tend to wear whatever the hell I want and not care. And really I suppose I could just take pics and send them directly to friends ahead of an event. Or I could drive over to their apartment/house if they live locally. That all having been said--if I did have a fashionista closet I would sign up.

In conclusion, Clueless is still an awesome movie.

Backfire?

Apparently LiLo and Samantha Ronson may be getting back together! NOT part of the 5 point plan, peeps!

Last thing Jesus delievered to me was a pizza

Mick and I watched an episode of I'm a Celebrity...Get me out of here! rerun on MTV this weekend. It's, ah, interesting. I prefer to read about it instead. Witness the following from MSNBC.com on the demise of Speidi:

The episode opened with the pair spending the evening praying fervently in the "Lost Chamber," a shack-like shelter which boasted several spiders on the ceiling. When the two returned to camp after their cast mates decided to let them back on the show after they quit last week, they told their cast mates that they'd changed, and proclaimed their Christianity. Heidi said of the experience in the "Lost Chamber": "The only way we got through it was praying, and Jesus delivered us."

Back at camp, the pair reconciled with their cast mates, and Heidi sang a song off her upcoming album for the group. Janice Dickinson responded with what she called "constructive criticism," saying, "You know what that sounded like? A cat that someone put water on ... a drowning cat. ... I used to live in New York City, Heidi -- if someone was singing like that, someone would yell, 'Ah, shut up!'" Janice later apologized for what she said.

Heidi told her castmates that she'd always longed to be a Christian missionary, and told them she'd not always been as wealthy as she is today. "There were times in my life I couldn't afford Ramen [noodles] & I couldn't afford tampons," she said.

Things took a turn, however, when Heidi began throwing up.

Anyway so then Heidi had to go to the hospital, she's going to live, blah blah blah, they're off the show. Apparently they are going to be replaced by...Holly Montag! No word on whether or not she'll throw food to get attention. Or whether Heidi now stockpiles ramen noodles and tampons now just because she can. I mean I totally would if I were here. I would have a home recording studio complete with tampons/ramen noodles cupboards.

Prepare for a blown mind!

That's not very nice!

Dr. Drew, he's just trying to help people. And he can poke fun of himself, as shown in the opening for the MTV Movie Awards when it was suggested if you party too much to throw your hands up and he joined in on the intervention. That's why I give a thumbs down to former Celebrity Rehabber/still porn star Mary Carey for leaving his care to film "Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw."

I wonder if the guy from Grease will be in it?

Ha!

Hey! Have you heard what they're calling the Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction tour?

NINJA!


I've said it before and I'll say it again--a simple sense of humor is the way to go.

IDK

I was trying to figure out exactly how to start this entry and I've decided that you should go to the link with hardly any information like i did. It's a fashion blog's article written about American Apparel's new idea for tights. That is all.

Seriously! No, I mean honestly!

If you think this is a joke, it's really really not. Apparently for $12 dollars you can choose between three different kinds of hottie Will Ferrell's sunscreen. They have SPF 30 coverage and all proceeds go to benefit Cancer for College which sends cancer patients to college. Ridiculous. Ridiculous Genius.

Jimmy!

So out of nowhere I got one of my patented knock-me-on-my-ass colds and was subsequently delighted to find...yet another marathon of Bam's Unholy Union on MTV2! It's like Showgirls on cable, I find it's on and I can't tear myself away. Anyway in the midst of this MTV2 showed a commercial for this thing they're starting, MTV2 Legit, in which they show the best of the 90's, including but not limited to Ren and Stimpy (which I find enjoyable but a bit gross), The State (ah! ah! ah!) and the old promos featuring...Jimmy the Cab Guy! Does anyone else remember Jimmy the Cab Guy?! Donal Logue back in the day? I used to heart Jimmy the Caby Guy! Honestly MTV had some pretty fun-nay stuff during the 90's so this could be good. And a fabulous pre-cursor to the complete State being released on DVD in July, something that makes That Girl and I hyperventilate. They even said they'd play some 90's music videos. Music videos, I member those!

OK, back to dramatic sniffling and Bam.

An open letter to...Megan and Jessica

Dear Megan Fox and Jessica Biel,

It has come to my attention that the two of you are running around flappin' your pretty little gums complaining that you all can't get jobs cause you're too good looking. Um, I am far too good looking to be running around carrying trays in a fugly olive green t-shirt, black pants, and long white apron but I do what I have to. As for you, baby crier Megan Fox, men across america may beg to differ but I do not find you all that attractive. So, please, ladies, shut your pretty little mouths. A lot of us can't get jobs but we're not makin' up excuses about it. Have you heard the economy is bad and doesn't care how bangin' you hair is? One final thought...maybe you're not payin the bills because you haven't got the skills? Think about it. Ooo, my bad, you might be too pretty to think.

Peace out,
alison.

That didn't take long!

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here debuted last night and I guess Spencer and Heidi were a little confused on the concept and have already gotten themselves out of herrr. Quitting a show after one episode, my goodness! Run back to The Hills, kiddies. It's the only place that will have you!