Revelation

OK, so the T-Mobile commercial where the old lady and her husband are speaking in very droll tones about the new contract that she signed except she didn't have to sign a contract--it always bugs me when she says they've had 11 bulldogs all named Steve. I realized why tonite: if they're been married for 40 years, and had 11 bulldogs in that time, that means their dogs live less then 4 years. How are you going to take care of a phone if you can't even take care of your bulldogs Steve?

Hey, have you guys seen the City?

It's this show with that Whitney girl from the Hills.  Unlike my timely friends here, I just watched the last 5 episodes of the City.  Apparently I have been busy since January.  So engaging in a little DVR sponsored mini-marathon I have made some insights into this show that I am sure everyone else noticed like, 5 weeks ago. 

- This show likes to highlight people with TRULY weird faces. Allie- what? She is the most alien-looking, pouty faced son of a mother I have ever seen. There was one scene where her bruisy looking eye makeup matched her lipstick perfectly. It was scary. I tried to find a picture of it but no luck.

- There was a specific slouchy casual California look that the Hills girls always sported.  And apparently the New York look is things on your head. For real- it is getting a little ridiculous. 

- Oh, hey- I don't know if you noticed but Whitney is on this show! She is so vanilla and likable and non-controversial that it makes it hard to notice her on her own show. But I still love her. 

- I admire/despise Olivia's complete lack of guilt or feelings for other living things.  I watch and think, man, if I could just have the courage to say what I want at any given time. But then after about 17 seconds I can't put up with her complete lack of concern for anyone except her cousin. And he's not even safe.

- The myriad of girls who show up here with "Whitney's friend" under their names confounds and confuses me. I need a show that I can have on while playing on my laptop. I would like it if they had just one person playing all of Whitney's friends. I am not sure if I'd even notice. Well- no, there should be Erin and then one "other" friend.  

End note- in trying to find info on this Allie character (I could only find that she was "thinspo" for anorexic girls- I have to imagine that is their version of inspiration?) I found a hills/city blog (our competition, ladies!) that listed a few interesting pieces of info that I had not heard: 

- Jason Whaler, in the dust of his engagement, is shopping around a show called Jason and the Cougars. I don't think it's a joke.

- Paris Hilton is now bringing our old friend Doug around Tokyo with her. That's good- he hadn't attached himself to a famous blonde in like, a week. Don't worry guys- the dry spell is over!

From the Hills to the hot rod

I think this is our 300th post so I thought it only appropriate to bust out some Hills action. I just got the season 2 DVDs last nite. So many memories of so many good times. Like when Heidi had a normal face pre-plastic surgery and would randomly score with a good statement (like comforting Lauren post-Jason break-up with the excellent point "You were the best thing about him"). And how Brody apparently feels the way into a woman's heart is to endlessly compliment her...and her eyes...and her smile...(Did he do that to the boys on Bromance?). And the origins of Spencer, who is a douche bag from Day 1. Like when he asks Audrina to accompany him to the Area Club where Heidi works, then tells Heidi we didn't come together, she saw us and tagged along! and Heidi's co-worker said "Sometimes girls are worse then guys." I used to believe girls were always worse--then Spencer came into my life. I also couldn't help but notice when Lauren asks why girls compare to boys to accessories after Jen Bunny and Heidi called Brody arm candy--anybody else remember on Laguna Beach when Lauren said boys were like handbags? Thank god there are parts of my brain dedicated to remembering such key details.


We also got Hot Rod which is one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life, and features Sissy Spacek. I love Sissy Spacek big time--how can you not love a woman who plays a teenage girl on the run/killing spree (see Badlands), then a teenage girl with mind powers/the ultimate anti-prom movie (see Carrie), and now that she's older she does whatever the f she wants and does it well (see In the Bedroom and Blast from the Past) (I had a thing for Brendan Fraiser, ok?). The first time Mick and I watched Hot Rod I busted out the chorus to this gem from the 80's, much to his surpise.

Does Warren Beatty read our blog?!

I haven't even finished the 5 point plan for LiLo yet and already people are jumping on board! Apparently none other than Warren Beatty wants Lindsay to play his daughter in an upcoming film--and to help keep her on track, he wants her to stay at his house! This falls under point 3, "get taken under someone's wing."

I better get crackin' on 4 and 5, huh...

Random

This cracked me up. IMDB shows a page of highlights from different webpages and had this:

News from Actress Archives

• 'Octomom' Offered Seven-Figure Porn Deal
• Kim Kardashian is Sorry for Her Monkey

Maybe her monkey could be in the porno?

An open letter to...trashy mags and award shows

Dear trashy mags and award shows,

We get it, OK? Once upon a time, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were married. Now they are not. He's with Angelina Jolie and she's with John Mayer. The details of he and Angie hoping up are sketch. But it's done. OK? Are we cool? They're all in the same industry so they're going to run into each other occasionally! We don't need a play-by-play of the entire thing, or a camera flash to the other when one is on the screen, or any other cover stories saying someone called someone else or so and so was spotted in the public saving the whales and now the other one is jealous or whatever other shit you can make up. Can we drop it now?

Bored,
alison.

The prettiest Nixon there was

Oh, the Oscars. I have such a love hate relationship with them. I get so bored around the two and a half hour mark but like any great addiction, I cannot stop watching. I do believe though that this years awards was the best I've watched ever. I won't go into to much detail (you can read alison's post for that), but they really hit every mark.

Hugh Jackman was enjoyable, but frankly when is Wolverine not enjoyable? The skits were all humorous and the performance was entertaining and not long winded like most Oscar's music performances. (Shout out to Michael Giacchino from lost for the scores that night!)

Now onto my favorite part, the clothes. My best dressed:

When does Anne Hathaway not look good?


Now, Tild Swinton might've been an odd choice, but for some reason I really enjoy her odd fashions. The fact that her hair matched her gown made it weirder and more interesting for me.



Ah, my most favorite of the night. The return of pale skin and I love it!



Usually tuxes don't get me excited, but I thought for as young as he is, he looked really tailored and pulled together.







And I would not be The Eyeshadow if I weren't obsessed with the makeup. Here were my favs:

I didn't even see Snapple in New York

I'm almost done with this week's City and I have three things to say:
1. I'm thinking Jay needs to kick rocks. I quite enjoyed when Whitney said their conversation was making her nauseous.
2. Who still drinks Snapple? Is that what I need to do to kick start my modeling career, lose 65 pounds and offer to take someone out for a Snapple?
3. Who is Pottsy and why does his girlfriend have such a large gap in her teeth?

Oh, boys

"Hooray!" Mick, realizing I'm going to blog about him.

So, Mick and I are watching The Real World. As a general rule I don't like to watch these sorts of things with him (and had to make him leave the room during The Hills season finale when he kept saying "Spen-cer! Spen-cer!" in a lispy voice) as he makes snarky comments. Granted sometimes these bear validity but sometimes I just want to pinch him on the elbow like dude does to me when I am trying to go to sleep. Anywho this week's edition of the show features the douchey mcdouche bag boys purchasing a white rat to put in the beds of the girls. I don't really care for any of the boys (though oddly I don't mind Ryan, I think because he's the goofiest) so I of course find the whole thing ridiculous. Mick, however, seems to find it amusing. His solution? To have Catelynn go in as a spy: since she's "the tyranny" she can play both sides for the team. I love the boy but I'm not going to lie, my response to that was, "Hey, weren't you going to go to your dad's house?"

Tim Gunn is the man

Warning to Laura: Our blog-pinions are about to clash.

I will be the first to apologize to Law for my Really? post re: Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars, cause in my humble opinion dude nailed it. Actually I also feel like he really wasn't as heavily featured, I mean beyond the song and dances numbers and some jokes of course. They really did play with the format. There were less presenters (Will Smith did 4 awards) which cut back time-wise I think, thus giving them more time to devout to the actor/actress awards. That whole thing was kind of cool but I can't imagine them doing that every year, having a presenter for every nominee. Fashion wise, my favorites were Amy Adams, Marianna Coiltard, Freida Pinto, and Diane Lane. Miley Cyrus looked like she stole a dress from the Grand ole' Opry and then bedazzled it. I liked Angelina's green costume jewelery. I didn't really go for the whole white dress with long trains phenom, or any dress with a belt, and I definitely made a snarky comment everytime they flashed to Phillip Seymour Hoffman in that beanie. As for the rest...

Best presenters: Tina Fey and Steve Martin; James Franco and Seth Rogan's Pineapple Express character montage tribute to the year's films; and of course Ben Stiller's tribute to Mr. Phoenix and his beard. I'm easily amused, remember?

Worst presenters: Sophia Loren. I defer to my colleague Kate here--"Someone should tell her she died 5 years ago." And Adrien Brody looked toe-up. When the grease in your hair and beard could polish the award you're giving out, there's a problem, buddy.

My new favorite person: Danny Boyle. Danny Boyle looks like the geekyily lovable math teacher in high school who just wants you to love equations as much as he does. He's just so smiley and geniuine! And he bounced like Tigger for his kids! Anybody who has a career of memorable scenes that include a revolving-head-baby on a cieling, an eerily vacant London overrun by zombies, and the goregous shot of the Slumdog couple spotting each other in the train station is aces in my book.

Best speech moments: Clearly it was good year speech-wise for the gays. Penelope Cruz started the night off so well with her speech and then the 19 year old who won best screenplay totally trumped her. And the Japanese guy who worked Mr. Roboto into his speech--that's a guy I can party with!

Shafted: Batman. Ask Kate, I kept yelling Batman. Frankly as of late I feel like I have selective Terret's because I keep yelling the words Batman! and Cake! I had cake at work last night, oh man it was awesome. Batman and cake, that's all this girl needs! And Lost. And cheap wine. And cheap pizza...OK, I'm done.

For now.

Beddog millionaire

Apparently the Oscars really, really want M.I.A. to perform tonight. How really? They've offered to let her sing from a bed onstage. She also suggested appearing by hologram. I, personally, would love to see her sing from a bed. And maybe have people nearby to hold her down in case she gets swept up in the moment and attempts to take the stage to dance. Chances are this little guy won't be there though! (This pic is from Afrikan Boy's cellie. Hopefully she didn't mind that he posted it on his Myspace thus giving me the capability to post it here. He's got some hair on him! But darned if Mom and Dad will release that name!)

He strikes again again!

Alison: Oh, someone at work told me DVD's are 50% off now at Circuit City.
Mick: 50% off?! That's almost half the regular price!

Baby on board, the sequel

Nicole Richie is knocked up again!

And now...interactive Elle with Alison!

Nothing makes for a better day off then a new issue of Elle or Vogue. The March issue of Elle was quite good, in my humble opinion. First of all, Style A to Zee actually featured pics of the ladies from The City. Thumbs up to Elle for recognizing that it's a good show. And random facts--apparently Miss Olivia always travels with a fur poncho, which just sounds horrible to me.

Next of note to me was the Fashion Insider Designer Genius, where they interview a fashion designer, natch. This month was Thakoon Panichgul of Michelle Obama fame who gave the best answer for a standard question ever: "Who are you fantasty-dinner party guests? The Smurfs at a picnic in Smurf Village."

Pioneer fashion has been seen on the runways, which is good news for me I do love the plaid. I also love the Leslie Shersow antler necklace they featured (Laura, if you're ever down for some shoplifting, there's a store in Brooklyn).

A disturbing fashion trend is the incorporation of bones and skeletons, including ribcage necklaces, hand-like brooches, skull caps that look like skulls, cast bronze mink bone bangles, and leather toe-detail pumps.

I also learned that headbands with ponytails is a recommended look to rock, which is satisfying to me as it's been my go-to at work as of late (well, pigtails, I'm not quite pony-length yet). Also slick lids were seen on the runway and one make-up artisit suggests slapping some Aquaphor on there, which is good news for me as Aquaphor is a staple in our tattooing household (I have an appointment coming up!).

So, there you have it: Alison's report on March's Elle. Now if only my new Vogue would magically show up today, life would be good.

Thanks for clearing up another mystery, science!

Apparently someone actually did a study to back up the idea that men get "Bikini Brain." Yes, someone actually decided it was was worth their time, effort, and grant research money to get scientific evidence to back up the fact that when men see a woman in a bikini something gets triggered in their brain. Get out of town! Who knew?! What's next? A study to scientifically back up the other thing that happens to a man's body when he sees a scantily-clad woman? Is this going to be a new excuse for guys now? "Gee, honey, I know you asked me to pick up some milk but my bikini brain kicked in and it just slipped my mind!" Sheesh. Next thing you know someone's going to try to ban abortion...oh, wait. Nevermind!

No pants dance

"My grandmother is basically blind, but she can make out the lighter parts ... She says, 'I can see you, because you have no pants on.' So I'll continue to wear no pants so that my grandma can see me." -- Lady GaGa.

I am shamed.

OK, you know I love North Dakota and on a good day will abnormally defend it to my dying day. But COME ON, people! What is this bull? The House passed a bill challenging abortion? To what, a duel? What is this, the 1800's? The ever-trusty Fargo Forum added that another bill passed that would, quote, "require a woman seeking an abortion to be told that the procedure will end the life of a unique human being. The sponsor, Rep. Chuck Damschen, R-Hampden, said the bill keeps the woman considering an abortion 'totally informed.'" Yeah, nice work, jackasses, spend your time writing a bill that will clear up what abortion is for someone about to get one, since I'm sure they're confused as to what it exactly is. I mean they might go around thinking it's some sort of new fangled cosmetic surgery! Here they'll go in asking for one and they'll be shocked to find out what it is! But if you all get your way, not only will they be totally informed on what abortion is, they won't be able to get one! Here's the definition of a procedure you're not allowed to get! Obama! Help!

YES!

One of my fav celeb couples are engaged! I'm not sure why but it makes me very happy when my favorite celebs find love with one another. They'd better not mess this up for me.

Get it together, mtv internet!

"You cannot walk around the house like that when there are guys in the house. Or girls. Or people." Sarah's take on bootyshorts.
"You could've gotten a bionic penius with that!" Ryan's take on the amount of money it takes to get gender reassignment surgery.

So once again MTV.com screws me when I go to watch The City and the cite informs me that the latest episode will be available February 17. So I check the date on my computer and my suspicions are confirmed: idiots. These people are idiots. So instead I watch The Real World. The plot this week revolved around Catelynn's transgenderism and the boys acting like idiots in general. It led us to ponder things like, what's more inappropriate: Catelynn using a support beam at a local bar as a pole for dancing, or Chet batting at JD's ear with a flag that has a name of a deceased person on it at an opening ceremony for an HIV/AIDS awarness bike ride? Bonus points to Chet for failing to see the inappropriateness of his actions, which he claimed were to "lighten the mood"...all while wearing a purple hoodie, black leggings, purple boots and that damn black and purple CHET baseball cap. So, yes, Chet, once again you win the d-bag of the week award. In fact I'm going to take a cue from Ryan--you, Chet, are a bionic penius. Hey, I can be immature/inappropriate too.

Plus, I love toast!

I, personally, choose to celebrate my very simple sense of humor. That's why things like this bring such joy to my life:

LiLo and Stich, and I am Stitch

I was discussing with Kate today my new mission: A 5 Point Comeback Plan for Lindsay Lohan. Her first question was what are the 5 points, natch. I had to admit that so far all I've come up with an appearance on the Ellen Degeneres Show. I mean if anybody can lift the public's spirits for this fallen star, it's Ellen. Bonus points that she's a lesbian and Lindsay is dating a woman. Which will hopefully lead to a second point in my plan, date (insert name here). She needs a more beloved woman to take her under her wing. Samantha Ronson isn't cutting it. Beyond all this, she needs someone to take a chance on her in some project (Kate suggested Quentin Tarentino as he reinvented John Travolta; I could see him giving her a campy let lovable role to reestablish herself). Above all, she must not, not, NOT particiapte in any sort of reality show on MTV or Vh1. No rehab or reinvintion type gimmicks. Lindsay, if you're reading this, I am available to you as someone to help get you back on track. And yes, it's most likely because I'm still obsessed with I Know Who Killed Me.

To recap: I have one solid point in my 5 point plan and 2 points that just need some filling out. Then 2 more points after that. None of which will include her singing career, at least not for now...unless her new girlfriend is a folk guitarist! Hmm...

Theories: buy one, get one free!

Theory #1. Couldn't help but notice Cameron Diaz pulling her second SNL cameo this year last nite on "The Cougar Den" sketch (brilliant having Alec Baldwin as a Cougay, btw). Funny, J.T. has also pulled a couple of cameos. Could Ms. Diaz be trying to micmic her ex? Send him some sort of message, maybe? Sorry, Cam. You're a cute little Cougar but Justin will trump you errtime.

(side note between theories, Mick is watching "Gangland" and they hide identities of people by morphing their voices so they sound like the devil, I do not appreicate it)

Theory #2. Observation I am most likely not the first to make: Why does large bushy beard=crazy? See: Jack on Lost, Will Ferrell after he gets fired on Anchorman, Joaquin Phoenix. in general. And I'm sure other examples that escape me. But lets just remember someone else beareded that some people throught was "crazy..."

I'm actually not sure where I'm going with this.
Oh well!

Swagga like baby

M.I.A. was right in the speculations I've read from her: baby is a boy! This is the birth announcement from her web page. Of course they won't reveal the name, which half of me appreciates that they're not pimpin' baby out like every other celeb, and the other half is annoyed cause heck yes I want to know that baby's name!

People I wish I knew

One of the only good things about being sick or whatever it is I am today is that MTV2 showed all of the episodes of Bam's Unholy Union. One of the reasons I want to be famous is so I can become BFFs with Missy Margera, who I have a total girl crush on. Although you don't see her anymore since that show (they're still married, I checked). Of course it made me think about my own wedding someday (long red plaid dress, in case you were curious, and I'm thinking opal ring). Right now I'm thinking elopement to Atlantic City. We'll just have to work it around Missy and Bam's schedule so they can be our witnesses.

“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”

Oh god read this

A day in the life...

Backstory: After having one margarita, one and a half beers, and most of a bottle of wine Alison and Mick watch "Anchorman" and Mick makes a snide remark towards the end comparing Ron Burgundy's disheveled state to Jack on "Lost." What follows is an actual text convo.

Alison: Will Ferrell bearded and drunk towards the end of anchorman is totally like jack bearded on lost.
Alli: Take that back! Even if there's a surprising truth to it.
Alison: Look I'm drunk. Free pass...I just had a vision of will ferrell saying I need for you to let me do the news.
Alli: And jack saying in between sobs 'milk was a bad choice'
Alison: Go fuck yourself island!
Alli: Ben henry means a whales vagina in islandian
Alison: And vincent saves them from polar bears by speaking their language. why hasn't hollywood realized our brilliance yet.
Alli: We need to post this
Alison: I'm on it! (goes for computer)
Mick: Oh no! Are you blogging again?

Meanwhile Kate is asleep like a normal person while Alison is plotting to call in with food poisioning to work in the A.M. despite the fact that 2 of her managers are on Facebook where she already posted her drunken status (text from Alli: Quick post "I left my profie open and all I got was a stupid status change from my boyfriend").

Good times, good times.

....the elephant between Alison and Kate

So- OK. My friend Alison doesn't like conflict so I have been holding back on this but.....

... I am not interested in getting into the whole Chris Brown Rhianna what happened and who is an awful person and all of that since we are in a country where one is innocent until proven guilty. While everything looks awful, and I am guessing it probably is awful, I am not going to write off a person because of one action in a situation we know nothing about. I am not saying she should forgive him, that would be irresponsible, but it doesn't mean I have to jump on the CB hatin' band wagon.  That wagon is getting full anyway. I'm going to wait here to see what the law decides.  

Just like I did for O.J.  But don't hold that against me. 

Not suitable for young ears. Or old ears. Or any, really.

This will get you in the mood for summer- 

The elephant in the room part 2

According to Chris Brown's dad, Chris is "remorseful" about "this stumble, this situation." Um, FYI, Chris Brown's dad, a stumble in a relationship is like, forgetting your anniversary, or a situation is when you're flirting with your girl's friend. Nice try, dude. You're apparently a corrections officer--you should know better. Have a nice "trip"ping. See you next fall.

For old time's sake

Just because I finally have a bf of my very own to torture endlessly (which, believe me, I do) I'm still not really feelin' Old Saint Valentine. So in keeping with an old college tradition, I've once again crafted...Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day.

1. Track down your English teacher from school and demand to know who has the whole “Romeo and Juliet” story right, Taylor Swift or this Shakespeare character.
2. Take a date to see Benjamin Button and demand your money back halfway through, insisting that the film rolls were obviously put together wrong because why would Brad Pitt be old then young?
3. Wear a wig on a date and convince your friends to follow you with cameras posing as the paparazzi; dramatically pull your wig off when they keep snapping pics and say it’s so hard to lead a double life as an international pop star AND a regular everyday high school kid.
4. See how many jewelry stores you can get kicked out of for loudly singing “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.”
5. Send Jonas Brothers valentines to your crush. Literally the entire box. All individually addressed.
6. Ask drugstore employees if the cherry chapstick they carry really tastes like kissing a girl and if so, will you like? Will your boyfriend mind?
7. Insist on dragging your date into an adult bookstore to see if they have a copy of the final porno Zack and Miri made.
8. Take your date to a Mexican restaurant and feed them endless shots of Petron while trying to convince them to have a Secret Mexican Wedding followed by a Secret Mexican Marriage.
9. If your date isn’t going well and you would prefer it to just end, start singing “Womanizer.” If you’re anything like me--which for your own good you’re hopefully not--once you start repeating the word you won’t be able to stop. Date’s over!
10. It made a successful book, it’s making good money at the box office--if all else fails and you are you own date, don’t wallow because now is the time to cash in on the cash cow: start writing “He’s Just Not That Into You--The Musical.”

The elephant in the room

All right. All right! I'm going to do it! I'm going to blog about Chris Brown and Rhianna! Someone had to do it! Someone has to say that Chris Brown is a world class motherf**king idiot for going after Rhianna, of all people. Rhianna is under the umbrella-ella-ella of Jay-Z. Who messes with Jay-Z? I'll tell you, someone dumb enough to screw up what WAS a really good career by going after their beautiful and more famous girlfriend. Dude, her boss performed with Lil Wayne on The Grammy's. Have you SEEN Lil Wayne? That boy could f**k you up six ways to Sunday just by looking at you! Furthermore the only way you're going to get out of this is by laying low for a long ass time and then maybe trying to charm you way back into some sort of something by going to rehab. That might not even work. You may be the Lindsay Lohan of your genre, buddy. Peace out. Have fun. We're finished here.

Awkward!

These are highlights from Joaquin Phoenix's interview on David Letterman from last night. I didn't see the whole interview. Frankly after watching the condensed version, I think that's ok with me.

Doc Oc

Can I ask why we as a nation care so much about a woman who survived a pregnancy of octuplets? My US magazine (I know ok) even went as far as to comment on the fact that she had a french manicure as if new moms can't care about appearances on national television. I am far more disturbed by the show '18 kids and counting'. Kids who marry before kissing their beloved and all the kids having creepy twin clothes and manners. I shudder everytime I see it.

Tonight tonight!

Charlie Brown valentine special on ABC!

It reminds me of the homeless photo shoot on ANTM

Oh, Olivia. Your self-righteous and smug expressions truly tell the whole story. When she mentioned the charity coat event, the first thing that crossed my mind was, I certainly hope they buy new coats to donate cause I really don't think last season's castoffs are appropriate for the homeless, who do not rocks layers as a fashion statement. I honestly had a picture in my head of a group of people huddled in an alley in faux fur and pleather and tweed. And maybe you shouldn't be giving a patented Olivia lecture on mixing work with personal life after you were the one who asked Whitney's thoughts on the whole matter in the first place. Not liking the answer you get doesn't magically erase the quesion, babe! Oh, wait, you hate being called babe. Actually I would hate being called babe if Nevan was the one doing the calling. I was highly repulsed by him using the "more cowbell!" quote as A) how would someone with so clearly a high opinion of himself lower it to watch Saturday Night Live like the rest of us, and B) I don't like d-bags using good material. Although I was also admittedly a bit confused by Jay's band, which seems to be some sort of Phish/Blues Traveler fusion with just a hint of Jimmy Buffet thrown in. In conclusion, Erin, I love ya but maybe you shouldn't be bemoaning your long distance relationship after seemingly discouraging your long distance boyfriend from moving to you. Oh, you City folk!

Grammy Honah Drama

I am only an hour in to my DVR edition of the Grammys but this show has already been surrounded in controversy.   Here is the list just from the first fourth of the show- imagine where it may end (well I suppose you don't really need to imagine where it may end since it's over by now- but not on the DVR! It is still a mystery!):

-U2 opens the show. It may be ignorant of me, but did they put an album out this year? The real controversy is the fact that Bono was wearing guyliner. Maybe that's why he usually wears sunglasses. 

-Whitney Houston presented an award and I am about 103% sure she was high. 

-Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus performed a song together (it was Taylor's song, natch, since she actually has musical talent) and followed it up by the most scripted exchange, where Miley referred to Taylor as "my best friend", that lead into an award for collaborations.  But really? Miley and Taylor are BFFs? Did Miley decide to start hanging out with people closer to her own age? Maybe they are chatting about their lost Joni. Or was it the SAME Jonas? Whoa. 

-Said Joni performed with Stevie Wonder. Poor Stevie.  Maybe he doesn't see it, but that was a bad move (extra points for my awesome pun- you're welcome)

-Blink 182 announced their reunion right before presenting an award to Coldplay for best rock album. They dragged poor Travis Barker onstage with his arm in a sling- by the look on his face I am pretty sure someone was holding a gun to his back as he spoke. And the 3 guys were standing as far apart as possible while still remaining in the shot- that light haired guy was extra far away. What's the deal, boys? Need the cash? 

-Chris Brown and Rihanna aren't there for reasons of which I will not speculate (ALISON) which is sad for me cuz Chris Breecy is an awesome dancer. 

As I write this I am officially 1 hour and 25 minutes in.  Query of the evening- do you think Katy Perry is as sick of singing her song as we are hearing it?

Two fave moments so far-

Kate Beckinsale quick moved to cover her daughter's ears as Craig Ferguson announced Katy Perry. 

Coldplay after winning best rock album- (I am paraphrasing here)- "obviously we're not the hardest of rock bands... more of a limestone sort of rock- a little softer but just as charming"

Ooooh! Estelle is performing with Lionel Richie!!

Total Request Lost.

So, Ryan on the Real World Brooklyn is always pulling pranks and JD wanted to pay back the favor by spraying shaving cream in Ryan's room while he was sleeping. Ryan, however, did not appreciate this. His response? "I would love to duct tape his eyes, shut his mouth up with a sock, duct tape him to his own bed and put it somewhere outside." Devyn's response when discussing it with JD? "It's not like you shot his dog." Well-played, sir and madam. Well played.

And then we're back to our good friend Chet. Chet, whose dream was to host TRL. Chet, who took this chance of being in New York (on an MTV show, may I add) and going to Times Square--only to find out that TRL has been canceled. His response? "How am I supposed to host a show that's been canceled?!" My response? How am I supposed to take you seriously when you're wearing a baseball cap with your name on it? What does the tag inside say, if lost please return to me?

He strikes again!

"A whole hour of Two and Half Men? That's like five men!" Mick.

Paper planes for 2

M.I.A. is set to perform at the Grammy's. I'm pretty sure she's not going to be able to do her normal onstage moves seeing as how she's due, um, I believe 5 minutes after her performance. Is there anything this woman can't do? She's performing with T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye and Lil Wayne--now that's a labor room entourage!

I feel ya, buddy.

Gilmore Quote of the Day: "I tried to work in a nice suicide, but my schedule wouldn't allow it!" --Jackson when he's still townselectman in the episode "We got us a Pippi Virgin" which we watched since Mick got Pippi Longstocking from Netflix and I keep singing the Gilmores singing part of the theme song. Last night I drank waaay too much wine (again, and it was hella cheap, I mean like $3 a bottle and it dyed my lips and tongue purple) and passed out during Pippi. I'm surprised/disappointed no one lifted any greenish horses above their heads in my dreams.

That is a good question

I've been religiously voting on ABC.com for the Lost ultimate clip showdown from the first four seasons and so far all my picks have been everyone else's. Only now, it's down to the last 2, and it's a toughie: Charlie sacrificing himself vs. Desmond's call to Penny on the boat. I had to think for a minute. Then I had to go with Desmond which should surprise, oh, no one. It's still a tough one though.

In conclusion, after watching tonight's episode: thumbs down for nosebleeds, thumbs way up for Jin! And no thumbs at all for Ben. Dude doesn't even deserve to have thumbs.

Aren't you a little old to be whooping ass?

I guess Etta James didn't vote for Barrack. And she most likely didn't like it and will not be putting a ring on it.

Um...ok.

Ramblings on The City when I should be in bed

Did anyone else find it hilarious on The City when Erin told Allie she has thick skin? Seeing as how the point of the episode is that her skin is not, in fact, thick? Girl is hella skinny. I never noticed it until this episode. Which is convenient, I suppose, to the plot. I mean she's not Machinist skinny, and thank god because that whole thing was just f'ed. Anyway, where was I...Oh, right. Kelly Cutrone is awesome. She cracks me up. And you know, she's right, the truth is not always a happy little bluebird on your shoulder. A lot of times it's like a crazy ass crow that's going to peck your bones! And if you're a thin skinned little model it's going to hurt! Um, where was I again...Oh, yes, Olivia is also awesome. I love how she's not having any of anyone else's issues. So, in conclusion: Allie--skinny, annoying (does anyone else get the willies whenever Adam calls her "honey"?); Kelly--not a bluebird of happiness, awesome; Olivia--self-centered, awesome but not as awesome as Kelly, looks like she's going to get pissy next week. Did I get everything? Yup. Bedtime!

An open letter to...Stephen King

Dear Stephen King,

Now, I personally have not read any of the Twilight series, what with my being scurred of vampires and all. That having been said, several of my friends whose opinions I regard highly are big fans of it, so I believe that there is most likely something to them. THAT having been said, you're pretty much a Class A Douche Bag for running your mouth on the author's writing skills. I highly doubt she's a terrible writer if she's selling as much as she is. Also, people who write stories about clowns who live in sewers aren't in any position to be talking trash.

Though I did enjoy Carrie,
alison.

Hours of online entertainment

I don't think I am exaggerating when I say- this is the most amazing thing ever. 

Suck it, MTV.com!

So I go to MTV on-line to watch The City like I normally do on Tuesday mornings and those jerks haven't posted the episode yet! What the hell! It's not that hard, MTV! At least I assume it's not that hard since you've done it every other time I want to watch it on Tuesday! I don't ask for much, MTV. First you screw up Danity Kane and now this. What's next? Actually don't answer that. I'm afraid to know...

I love snow globes

Unfortunately, I was forced to watch the Super Bowl which I proudly avoid every year. Fortunately, it was a good enough game that it entertained even me. Of course, people were so excited for the commercials and my favorite was the Doritos "Office Ball" one. Check it out and other top favs here. (The potato head was pretty hilarious too)

While you were going to Disney World...

While the fair weather fans were watching the football, us diehard fans were watching Predator Bowl! I love the alternate "Bowl" options that cable sets up for us- I switched to Puppy Bowl a few times too. 

The Predator Bowl involved "Predator: Raw" footage with Chris Hansen giving "behind the scenes" commentary on specific stories.  And it has been on for at least five hours now.  I cannot believe the amount of men that go to a house, sometimes hours away, to meet and have sex with a 13 year old boy or girl.  Then they all say they have never done this before and they were coming to hang out with this child. With beer. And condoms. It was sick the amount of times teachers showed up (at least one Special Ed teacher) and the Rabbi. Oy. I'll leave it at that, cuz this isn't a funny situation, but thanks MSNBC for providing me hours of entertainment/nausea. 

Take these pants and shove them

All right. I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 today and I'm about to give away the ending so if you want to watch it, don't read this. Don't read how it's the worst ending ever because you know who's not in the end of the movie? The Star, that's who! The pants go missing! Lena's twirpy little sister Effie is so bummed she was never in the Sisterhood and that Tibby got back together with her boyfriend that Effie had a crush on that she pantsnapped them to Greece, got them wet, hung them up to dry, and they flew away or some shiz like that and got lost! So then all the pantskateers go to Greece to find them, they put up signs, so far so good. And then they realize that losing the pants really brought them back together...so it ends with them not even finding them! They all jump off a cliff into the Greek Sea or whatever the hell it is, then they sit on the cliff together and watch the damn sunset and America Ferrera does some voice over and it ends! Like all of that is supposed to make me forget that the magic traveling pants are lost! I don't care if your friendship was saved, you get off your lazy Greek vacation assses and find those magic pants! Sisterhood my ass!

2 out of 3 bloggers agree: I know who loves this movie!

So, Kate and I went out for breakfast and I told her all about watching I Know Who Killed Me last night and how awsomely awful it was. Then she came over after and I flipped on the tv and guess what started 5 minutes later?! It actually makes more sense the second time, all those moments the first time where you thought hey what kind of glue has everyone who made this been huffing suddenly fall into place. We did mute it during the seemingly never ending scenes when LiLo was trying to scream through her gag (yes, I know, having your hand cut off probably hurts like a bitch but your bad acting isn't going to help us through that process now, is it?). I tried to find it at Circuit City's closing blow-out but no luck. (And how is One Missed Call still $19.99? I'm holding out til they're really desperate to get rid of all stock.)

Anyway I know when to not get too much of a good thing; I was leaving the house around 6:30 to hit the gas station and Mick yelled "Oh no!" When I yelled back what's wrong? he responded, "I Know Who Killed Me is on at 7!"